It All Started With The Intern.

Note to those not in the profession. Clomiphine is a commonly used fertility medicine. Clomipramine is an anti-depressant with a rather interesting side effect. Keep that in mind as you read the following story, which is completely fictional. 

Clomiphene, Clomipramine. You have to keep an eye on your interns. They are more often than not good souls, but words like clomiphene and clomipramine can look alike to them. The intern didn't know. He grabbed the clomiphene, and the woman was so excited she didn't notice. Excited because she was one of the lucky 5% or so of regular clomipramine users who got the side effect of spontaneous orgasm upon yawning. She wanted to get her prescription and get home to yawn as soon as possible. Yes, the pills looked different, but she yearned to yawn. 

Last night though, the yawning wasn't enough. She decided she needed some good sex. Fortunately she was happily married, which meant it would be easy to slip off to the meat market while her husband slept in front of the TV. She was marketed, but there was Plan B. The intern dutifully checked her ID, and the woman went home to wipe out the memories of the night before and to yawn. Except she got the wrong med. Clomiphene and Plan B were both making their way to the woman's ovaries. The woman yawned deeper and deeper, unaware of the battle that was about to rage inside her. 

The clomiphene arrived first and did what the clomiphene does. Any estrogen that didn't flee the neighborhood was immediately put on lock down. Follicles were stimulated. Eggs were released. Far too many eggs. 

The Plan B pulled up in a tricked-out Honda Accord, blue bandanas flying freely in the ovarian breeze. As soon as they saw the red colors of the clomiphene showing, they knew there would be trouble. Disrespect was in the air. Signs were exchanged. Slogans shouted. There was a shotgun blast. And then the flood. 

The yawning just wasn't working, and the woman decided she would have to settle for sex with her husband. It would only last a little longer than a yawn anyway. Sperm cells are the worst thing to inject into a gang war between clomiphene and Plan B. 

P'dawg made a mistake. He ordered his troops to concentrate on altering the tubal transport of sperm. But there were too many goddamn eggs. He should have focused on altering the endometrium. Before he realized this he was stabbed to death by C'diddy in the gang fight. There were too many eggs. 

The intern was drunk at an after work party failing to get laid. A baby girl named Wendy was born 9 months later.  Wendy would go on to become a pharmacist for CVS, the promise of her young life traded for a $20,000 signing bonus. The intern became her District Manager. 

Always check your labels carefully my friends.