On A Day My White Blood Cells Have Their Rhinovirus Attackers On The Run, Highlights From Today's Pill Counting Action.

The good news; my immune system has forced my body's invaders to flee from their headquarters in my lungs and set up a last stand in my sinuses. I would like to think my immune system has fought honorably and with distinction, adhering always to the principles that distinguish humankind from the uncivilized virus. After all, if you defeat an enemy less civilized than you by becoming uncivilized, who has really won? Remember that as you monitor the news from Iraq.

The bad news; no, I didn't get a day off. The following all happened in a pseudoephedrine-induced cloud that wrapped itself around my brain as I was serving my role in the world's economy of making sure the Viagra was where it needed to be for Valentine's Day:

First customer of the day: "WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE IN THESE?"

Me: "You only have one box in your hand sir"

Customer: "What's the difference?"

Me: "I'd buy whichever one costs less"

Customer: "OK"

Sometimes you get the feeling right away the day is gonna be blogworthy.

First phone call: "I just finished my 3rd Diet Coke. Is it gonna keep me up?"

I do take actual drug questions though. Lots of them. Like from the lady today who asked me what alternatives there are to Cosopt.

"I think I'm allergic to that Cosopt" she said. I looked at her profile and noted she had been using the medicine for over 2 years now. "It's probably not an allergy" I said. What seems to be the problem?

"It burns my eye when I put it in now. Do you know what the doctor could switch me to?"

It turned out the woman had been using some Cosopt eye drops given to her by her friend when her husband passed away. They were a year and a half past their expiration date. The customer knew they were a year and a half past their expiration date. This did not stop the customer from putting them in her eye or give her a possible clue as to why they now burned. She was allergic.

"How many times a day do I take these? Just Once?" said the next hour's retard. He then put a bottle of vitamins on the counter. Guess what brand the vitamins were.

C'mon.....guess........

Do I really have to tell you they were One-A-Day Brand?

By the time I got to the lady who phoned to ask "Are your indoor plants kept outside?" I was starting to wear down. Maybe it was the fact I was sick, maybe it was the chlorpheniramine/dextromethorphan cocktail spinning around my brain. Or maybe it was really true.... 5 years of school, 16 years trying to make a difference in people's drug lives...and it was all for naught. In the end maybe I was about as useful as a women's room urinal. Then I opened my company e-mail.

Every week my company sends out a message letting us know how each of its districts are progressing towards meeting the mandates of the overlords at corporate headquarters. Each district is ranked accordingly, with the District Manager's name highlighted for all to see. This week, the best district in the country, and not by a small margin, was headed by a manager named "VACANT"

The knowledge my District Manager is evidently more useless than me made the rest of the day go OK.