It Is All Becoming Clear Now. I Am But A Patsy-Boy For Criminals With Very Low Ambitions.

From the trade mag Drug Topics:

Two former executives at CVS Corp. were charged in a probe into influence peddling at the Rhode Island State House. John R. Kramer, former CVS senior VP for corporate affairs and government relations, and Carlos Ortiz, former VP of government affairs, were charged with one count each of conspiracy and bribery and 21 counts each of fraud for allegedly paying former state senator John Celona to scotch legislation

I fail to understand how promoting scotch legislation can be a bad thing. Nonetheless, it appears these two boys are in a bit of trouble. An isolated incident I'm sure. A few bad apples pop up in any group of people.....

Associated Press
May 27th, 2004


Former Rite Aid Corp. chief executive Martin L. Grass was sentenced to eight years in prison Thursday for conspiring to falsely inflate the value of the company his father founded and cover up the scheme. Grass, 50, who headed up the nation's third-largest pharmacy chain, also was fined $500,000 and given three years' probation for his role in a billion-dollar accounting fraud that sent the company's stock tumbling.

Grass' sentence is considerably longer than those imposed on three other former Rite Aid executives sentenced this week after pleading guilty to conspiracy.

Hmmmmmm....now add in the tale of Micky Monus:

In 1992, when Phar-Mor had grown to over 300 stores and 25,000 employees, Monus and his CFO Patrick Finn were accused of embezzlement: they had allegedly hidden losses and moved about $10 million from Phar-Mor to the World Basketball League that Monus had founded

Finn testified against Monus and received 33 months in prison. Monus' first trial ended in a hung jury in 1994; he was convicted at the second trial on 109 federal counts, mostly related to fraud, and sentenced to 19 years and 7 months in federal prison.

OK, forget about the few bad apples. It's a lot of fucking bad apples. It would seem we have a pattern of criminal behavior throughout the chain drugstore industry. Really stupid criminal behavior. Forget about being dumb enough to get caught. These clowns put their ass on the line by paying off a local legislator in the smallest state in the country, or so they could establish a basketball league for players 6-foot-5 and under. I'm not making that up. In Rite-Aid's case, the billion dollar fraud was evidently for no point whatsoever. I am profoundly embarrassed to be employed in this sector. I'm thinking of quitting and joining the competent criminals of the mob, so I can at least take a little pride in my organization. Bootleg liquor, easy broads, and non-stop protection money rolling in the front door beat the hell out of basketball played by midgets.

I at least hope the scotch legislation passed.

Today A Worried Parent Gave Me A Metaphorical Motivational Pat On The Ass. Like Those Supposedly Straight Football Players Do All The Time.

"Drugmonkey, what do I put for the strength on this prescription?" My trusty tech asked as she put a paper full of random semi-readable scrawls in front of me. No pharmacist ever likes to hear those words. They always signal trouble, and sure enough, nowhere amongst the scribbles was a strength of Zithromax mentioned.

"fuck..........Fuck.........FUCK!" Would have been a way to paraphrase the thoughts that then went through my head. "I don't have time for this shit! 30 goddamn prescriptions on the counter and a hoard of barbarians in the store that wanted their crap 20 minues ago and now I have to try and get a hold of this goddamn moron when I know damn well it's 200 per teaspoonful. No way it's not 200mg, but now everything grinds to a fucking halt." I could feel my head about to explode.

Before it did though, I saw Dad standing in the aisle in front of me. Our eyes met for a couple seconds and it told me volumes. Dad usually didn't take care of these things. Something like this was usually entrusted to Mom, who for some reason couldn't deal with it today, so it was up to Dad, and Dad was nervous. What to me was just an annoying inconvenient little fuck up that I wished would grow wings and fly away was his sick daughter that he would move heaven and earth to make well again. It wasn't up to him though, he had to put his daughter in the hands of others, one of which was me. Dad was nervous. I saw all that in a few seconds of eye contact, and it kept my head from exploding.

"Is there something wrong?" asked Dad. I've mentioned before how the pharmacy where I work is laid out like a Subway restaurant.

"Nothing we can't take care of" I said. "We just need to clarify the strength of your medicine with the doctor. It won't take long once we can get him on the phone"

Of course this only served to scare the crap out of Dad. He listened intently as I waded through first a voice mail, than an answering service, then another call to the covering after hours physician. I let him give me his daughters weight so he could feel like he was contributing something towards the problem's solution. There was no way it was anything other than 200mg, and that's the answer I coached out of the on-call doc when I got him on the line.

I did nothing really. About anyone who's literate could have looked over the Zithromax package insert and figured out the right dose. Dad gave me a sincere "thanks" as he started out the door, but I should have been the one thanking him. The look on his face once he was comfortable the correct prescription was being given to his daughter was the best pep talk I've had in years.

Kinda like when those football players pat each other on the ass. Without the homosexual undertones.

A Drug Monkey Radio Tribute To Hollywood's Newly Anointed Best Director

The question the Drug Monkey is pondering this night:

Of which of the following lifetime accomplishments should a person be most proud?

1) Inspiring an assassination attempt on Ronald Reagan.

2) Pissing off millions of Christians the world over. Seriously pissing them off. To the point of foaming at the mouth type pissed off.

3) Winning an Academy Award for best director.

Man, tough call. If I could do just one of these things I would consider my life successful beyond my wildest dreams. As of tonight though, Martin Scorsese has done all three. Click play on Drug Monkey radio on the right side of this page and share some of the Hollywood glamour that is this Oscar night.

An Update On Perfect Skin Woman.

She was in the store again today, picking up a prescription for her daughter. Her 21 year old daughter. She said not a word to me. Now, I'm not kidding myself. I know the chances of me ever scoring the mother/daughter/drugmonkey trifecta would always have been incredibly small. After the way I blew off this woman last time though, they are now pretty much zero.

The prescription was for Retin-A. She really does have an obsession with perfect skin.

New Tune On Drugmonkey Radio. "Ramblings Live"

I've found this song going through my head.......a lot..... of late while I'm filling your prescription. That's probably a window into my soul that is best left unpursued. It's on the right side of the page. Click play and welcome to a bit of my world.

Give Us This Night Our Daily Freaks.

Highlights from today's pill counting action:

Customer: "What's This?"

Me: "It's a sign about a new Medi-Cal policy. They're assigning new numbers to people so it's important to make sure you bring in your latest card the next time you get a prescription"

Customer: "What does that mean?"

Me: "Make sure you have your card with you when you get your prescription filled"

Customer: "What?"

Me: "Mrs. Smith, do you have Medi-Cal?"

Customer: "No."

Me: "Then the sign is nothing you need to worry about."

Customer: "Should I call my husband?"

Word has reached the Drugmonkey late tonight that the state has put off the implementation of regulations requiring the use of those new Medi-Cal numbers. I have a feeling the decision may have had something to do with conversations that went the way that one did.

Later that afternoon a customer stopped in front of me. The pharmacy where I work is laid out a lot like a Subway sandwich shop, my employer realizing that the best way to ensure prescription accuracy is to make it as easy as possible to interrupt the person filling your prescription. The lady was like 3 feet in front of me, at eye level, staring.

Me, noticing a bit of an awkward moment here: "Hello."

Before I tell you what happened next, I want to reiterate the lady was standing close to me, and that the timing of her smile would seem to indicate that she had heard me greet her.

The woman then slowly.......very slowly..... reached up with her hand, ever so gently moving it forward with all the deliberateness of a brain surgeon. When her hand broke through some imaginary plane, she said to me:

"Oh, I thought you were behind glass."

The cleanest glass in the world evidently. Magic clean glass that provides no barrier to sound. My mother is proud of the work I do for some reason.

Release the scotch.....

A Shocking Discovery Concerning Norm Coleman, Republican Senator From Minnesota.

I could have listened to Al Franken more. In the almost three years he was broadcasting the flagship show on the Air America radio network I did all I could to make sure I never missed a hate e-mail of the day, a 15 second debunk, or an episode of the Oy Yoy Yoy show. But there were times when I would do things. Things like get out of the car to pump gas and not leave the radio on, get the mail without wearing my Walkman, even.....days when I slept through the show and never caught it later on the computer. Now Al has decided to run for the U.S. Senate, and the show is gone forever. I will never have those moments back, and it saddens me.

In looking at the record of the man who now holds that Senate seat however, I have found what could quite possibly be the reason Franken decided he had to run. Norm Coleman is the man Al Franken will be running against, and Norm Coleman has never denied he is a member of Al-Qaeda.

It's true. In going through the public record, I cannot find a single instance where Norm Coleman has said he is not a member of this dastardly organization dedicated to the destruction of Western Civilization and each and every thing held dear by you and your family.

What is Norm Coleman hiding? Why can't he come clean about any possible connection between himself and the attacks of September 11th? On his website, Coleman touts his work "to ease travel to Canada" Would a member of Al-Qaeda want to make it easier to slip back and forth across the border? I think they would, and Norm Coleman has never denied he is a member of Al-Qaeda.

He also wants to raise your taxes.

Call Norm Coleman today at 202-224-5641 and demand he set the record straight about his membership in Al-Qaeda. Don't the people of Minnesota deserve to know of any possible connection between one of their Senators and terrorism? I think they do.

On A Cold And Gray California Mornin, A Poor Little Baby Child Is Kept From Bein' Born. In The Ghetto.

Today I went back to my roots and pulled a shift in the ghetto. I used to regularly work in the ghetto, and I miss it. It's far more interesting there than with the affluent clientele' I work with these days. Let's face it, assholes are boring. They look the same. They act the same. There are perhaps 5 acceptable hair styles, clothing types, and thoughts that are allowed among those with a high net worth, and watching how quickly the credit cards can come out when the insurance claim for Viagra is denied time after time can get more than a little monotonous. In the ghetto however, the cluelessness, the desperation, and the zest for life you can have when you know you might die tomorrow almost always makes for a lively work experience, and today was no exception. First thing this morning an old Asian lady makes her way to the happy pill room carrying an empty shopping basket and proceeds to fill 'er up with prophylactics. Damn near cleared out all the rubbers we had, then looks at me and says at a volume that might have been indicative of hearing loss, "YOU KEEP GOOD STOCK"

I don't know if this was intended as a compliment or as a command.

"She runs the massage parlor up the street" My temporary trusty tech for the day told me later.

"And exactly how do you know this?" I asked, and we both had a good laugh. He never did answer the question.

Later on he said it would be funny if he went to this woman's place of business and made some smart-ass comment about the stock she kept.

"When was the last time someone checked the expiration date on those condoms?" I said, and it looked like a light bulb went off in his head. They tell you in pharmacy school you'll be saving lives. They don't always tell you how.

No one ever caught AIDS from a scotch bottle. Never a boring day in the ghetto.

Apologies to Elvis for the post headline.

One Drugmonkey, Two Counters, Three Phone Lines. You Do The Math......

....and tell me why I am in such a pissy mood after this workday.

Another set of numbers:

30mls = 1 ounce

1 ounce = 1 shot scotch

6 shots = One day washed from my memory.

The two sets of numbers are intimately related to one another. Now leave me the fuck alone until tomorrow.

A Piece Of Evidence That Confirms My Brilliance.

From today's New York Times:

One of the most important decisions that Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton made about her bid for the presidency came late last year when she ended a debate in her camp over whether she should repudiate her 2002 vote authorizing military action in Iraq.


.....In the end, she settled on language that was similar to Senator John Kerry’s when he was the Democratic nominee in 2004:

Similar to John Kerry's huh? Hmmmmmm....now go read the headline of this post, written two days ago.

A goddamn genius, that's what I am. It's amazing I don't charge you people to read what I think.