So if This Fuck Couldn't Even Help His Own Parents......

...you can imagine what hell-like conditions I've been working through since the start of the Medicare part D(isaster) plan. From the Center For American progress:

President Bush's new Medicare drug plan is so confusing "even the parents of Michael Leavitt, secretary of the Health and Human Services (HHS) Department, ended up picking a plan that put their retiree medical coverage at risk. And this after Leavitt helped his parents in making their initial selection."

Got that? This clown WAS IN CHARGE OF THE DEPARTMENT THAT IMPLEMENTED THIS FUCK UP AND HE ALMOST COST HIS PARENTS THEIR INSURANCE COVERAGE BY PICKING THE WRONG PLAN.

The guys parents by the way, were quoted at the time in The Salt Lake Tribune as saying the enrollment process had been “smooth” and the program was “a guaranteed money-saver.” Oh....and the father....made his fortune in THE INSURANCE BUSINESS. Honestly. I couldn't make something like that up if I tried.

So to recap....rich white folks in the insurance industry whose son was in charge of the program get it wrong. And I work with customers who are predominantly poor, many of whom speak English as a second language, and are almost universally stupid. I think you can see why I've started drinking again.

Why Don't Basketball Teams Change Their Names When They Move?

There are very few lakes in or around Los Angeles (the Lakers moved there from Minnesota, land of a thousand lakes) and quite honestly, Salt Lake City is the least jazzy town on the face of the earth (the Utah Jazz moved there from New Orleans) if you're looking for team names that actually reflect the character of the towns in which they play, might I suggest the Los Angeles Silicone Enhanced Boobs and the Utah Osmonds (Utah Polygamists is just too obvious)

OK...I need to get some sleep.....

From The Jihad Watch......Remember This When You're Craving A Pepperoni....

....literally or figuratively. Substitute "Afganistan" for "Florida" and "Taliban" for "Catholic," and you could pretty much run the same story. Please wake up before it's too late people. From the Chicago Sun Times:

New Catholic town may keep birth control out

February 28, 2006


The founder of Domino's Pizza is starting a Florida town where he will build a Catholic university -- and possibly keep out contraception.

Tom Monaghan, who sold Domino's years ago, is using his fortune to help construct Ave Maria, a town and school near Naples, Fla.

"I believe all of history is just one big battle between good and evil," he was quoted as saying this week by Newsweek. "I don't want to be on the sidelines."

Monaghan, a conservative Catholic, controls the commercial real estate in Ave Maria along with a developer, the magazine said.

He wants drugstores to keep birth control off their shelves, and the developer said it would favor pharmacies with such a policy, according to Newsweek. A clinic opening already has said it would refuse contraception to students.

Notice he never says that he's actually on the side of good in the "battle of all of history." Just that he "doesn't want to be on the sidelines" Call him what you may, just don't say he's a liar.

It's Friday Night, Which Means Here Come The Freaks....

Ok, so, all I'm trying to do is grab a sandwich for a little lunch in the middle of the work day, and there's a guy in his underwear standing next to the checkout counter. Seriously. Evidently he was astounded by the bargains being offered on a selection of sweatshirts and pants priced to go, and just had to try them on before purchasing. Because you know, it's really important that sweats have just the right cut to make you look fabulous while you're out on the town decked out, and it would be just a tragedy if the $9 he spent for an outfit went for naught. God forbid a chick should ever try and pull a stunt like this. Oh no, it's always got to be some freak of nature, middle aged, potbellied, wrinkled, hairy man-beast that feels the need to get naked in public.

Right before I was going to eat. And my friends ask why I'm losing weight.

It's Spring Break Time......

....and even when I'm old and ravaged by the effects of Alzheimer's (I'm convinced that's how I will die. After many years of making fun of stupid old customers, there would be no better karma than me turning into one of them.) I have a feeling I may remember one particular day at work a few years ago. I was toiling away in a college town at the time, and the quarter was over, and the kids were getting ready for Florida, or Cancun, or wherever they go for their drunken revelry. Not before a little partying on campus however, as evidenced by the car that pulled up in front of the store, parked right next to the entrance........with a giant paper mache penis strapped to the roof.

The kids got out of the car, made a beeline for the kegs in the back of the store, and then for me. Imagine my relief when I realized that all they wanted were condoms. Lots of condoms. They literally took every piece of rubber that could be put on a penis off the shelf and headed to the checkout counter.

When I was a student I missed this part of college evidently. And my regrets at this fact have known no bounds since that day.

Quick Drug Company Rip-Off Tip of the Day

Got a migraine? Well then, Novartis Consumer Health, Inc. has got a product for you, Excedrin Migraine. According to official Excedrin web site:

Excedrin® Migraine is a non-prescription pain reliever that contains acetaminophen, aspirin and therapeutically active caffeine™.

In independent studies of 1,250 patients, Excedrin Migraine was clinically proven to relieve migraine headache pain.

After taking Excedrin® Migraine, even patients with tough migraines experienced:

* A noticeable reduction in pain within 30 minutes
* Pain relief that lasts
* Major improvements in their ability to take part in normal activities.

Excedrin® Migraine is the first non-prescription medicine approved by the FDA to treat all the symptoms of a migraine.

Wow. Sounds pretty cool. Before you open your wallet however, the drugnazi advises you to go pick up a bottle of the plain old Excedrin. You know, that unglamorous pain med that's been around since the beginning of time. Look at the label & compare it with the big breakthrough Excedrin Migraine. Your head hurting too much to read that small print? I'll go ahead and list the ingredients here.

Excedrin Migraine:

Acetaminophen 250 mg
Aspirin 250 mg
Caffeine 65 mg

"Extra Strength" Excedrin: (No "Regular Strength" exists)

Acetaminophen 250 mg
Aspirin 250 mg
Caffeine 65 mg


The more alert among you may be thinking that it looks like these two products have the exact same fucking formula, and you would be right. It's been known for years that this formula, for whatever reason, does work better for headaches than other pain relievers. Novartis got the bright idea of doing a formal study using it's tired old brand Excedrin in people with migraines so they could get the regulatory stamp of approval to put it in a attention grabbing red box, stamp the word MIGRAINE all over it, and lighten your wallet a little more.

Oh, and by the way, what's the difference between "therapeutically active caffeine™" and the caffeine floating around in your favorite Starbucks concoction? The trademark symbol. That's the difference.

It's Saturday, and Thoughts Turn To Desperate Housewives

I even hear there's even a TV show with that name....:) Not to beat a dead horse here, as I've already mocked "America's Pharmacist" Kemi Olunloyo earlier, but one thing I did notice as I looked over her incredibly easy to mock blog was that finally, a Hollywood screenwriter type seems to have figured out the best way to poison someone. Kemi had her boxers in a bunch over an episode where an evil pharmacist deliberately fills a man's prescription with Potassium Chloride tablets so the pharmacist can score with the dead man's wife. Not that I blame the screenwriters, as from what I've seen, even medical people get it wrong a lot. I can't tell you the number of times I've read about an evil doctor, nurse, veterinarian, or whatever who tried to off someone with morphine (detectable post-mortem), strychnine (ditto), arsenic (same), or some other chemical easily detectable or that produces a specific set of symptoms (Like the Chor-acne that disfigured Ukrainian President Victor Yushchenko after the Russians tried to poison him) and I've said to myself "Why didn't you use potassium you moron?" Not that I condone killing people, it's just that incompetence and stupidity in any endeavor annoys me. And anyone with the slightest bit of medical training should know that potassium is the way to go. Looks just like a heart attack, and good luck finding it, as your body reeks with potassium naturally. So while ABC may have offended the sensitive little feelings of "America's Pharmacist" (the name almost mocks itself really) The drugnazi says kudos to someone for finally getting it right.

What Am I Going To Do With All The Steroids On My Shelf Now?

Not much to do with pharmacy I know, but hey, it's my day off. From The Drugnazi News Service:


SHORTEST BASEBALL SEASON IN HISTORY STARTS, ENDS IN WHITE HOUSE CEREMONY


Cincinnati Reds declared World Series Champions by ex-Cincinnati Reds owner

"Mission Accomplished" says Carl Linder


WASHINGTON DC (DNP)- In what may go down as the most unusual season in Major League Baseball history, the Cincinnati Reds today were declared 2006 World Series champions 9 days before the first game of the season in a ceremony at the White House. The declaration was made by Carl Linder, who sold the team at the end of 2005. Standing under what appeared to be a slightly used banner reading "Mission Accomplished" Linder appeared to have tears in his eyes as he accepted the championship trophy from president George W. Bush. In a moving speech after the presentation, Linder recalled how lucky he was to be able to fulfill his life's dream in bringing his hometown it's first World Series championship since 1990.

"Through the ups and downs of this 60 minute baseball season, I never lost faith that in the end, I would be standing here accepting this trophy on behalf of the town I love so much." said Mr. Linder. "This one's for you Cincinnati!!"

Mr. Linder, who has given millions of dollars of his personal fortune to Republican causes and candidates starting in the 1980's, and who has a controlling interest in Chiquita brands bananas, was originally scheduled to meet with the President concerning the Economic Growth and Job Act of 2006, whose sole provision is the elimination of taxes on banana producers. Sources report that the conversation quickly turned to baseball however, with Mr. Bush, a former owner of the Texas Rangers, recounting that he has learned "more than a few things" during his time as President that would have directly translated to success as a baseball executive.

Mr. Bush and Mr. Linder then retreated to a private room next to the Oval Office, and emerged to conduct the hastily planned ceremony an hour later.

At a press conference after the trophy presentation, Mr Linder inexplicably appeared wearing a flight suit. He quickly left the podium however and reappeared wearing the uniform of retired Cincinnati Reds hall of fame catcher Johnny Bench. When asked how a person who no longer even owns the team could declare them World Series champions before the first pitch of the season, Mr. Linder said such authority had been granted by Congress in its authorization to use force after the September 11th attacks. He went on to accuse the reporter of "hating baseball" and "wanting the terrorists to win"

"The connection between Al-Quieda and the New York Yankees could not be more clear" Mr. Linder said before declaring the press conference over.


OK......so I know you have to be a bit of a news nerd to get some of the jokes here, but if you haven't figured out by now this is satire, then you're probably one of my customers. Please have your prescription filled now before I have to go back to work.

And Now, Back To The Hate......

Specifically, the previously promised hate for GlaxoSmithKline. They have been bugging the living shit out of me lately by buying ads that run about every, oh, 10 seconds on the radio station I use for background noise while I'm doing my day-to-day drugnazi type errands at home. Thing is, I live in what can in no way be described as a large radio market. The signal from this particular low-rated station can come nowhere close to a major city and there are no institutions of higher learning focusing on medical teaching anywhere around. So I can only conclude that I and I alone am the target audience for these ads. They should have saved their time and money, as they are only serving to remind me of the level of hypocrisy needed to make it as a member of Big Pharma.

I tried to find an audio file of the ad for you to listen to here, but gave up, they are only intended for me, remember? I did find this though, from a GSK press release:

GSK's "Scientist" ad features Dr. Eliot Ohlstein, head of the company's Center of Excellence for Drug Discovery, Cardiovascular & Urogenital Diseases. Dr. Ohlstein speaks of the challenges and rewards of a career in pharmaceutical research. The message of the ad is that discovery of breakthrough medicines is expensive, but the results are priceless. The ad concludes: "Today's medicines finance tomorrow's miracles."

I think this is the ad they've been torturing me with. If it's the one I'm thinking of, the good Dr. Ohlstein (did they put the quotes around "scientist" to distinguish the ad or because he's not really a scientist? Perhaps his PhD is in history. I wouldn't put it past them.)Talks about how discovering an antibiotic is like "catching an individual snowflake", the process can take 10 years, as soon as one comes to market resistance starts in, blah blah blah.....but GSK will never give up because the fight is too important. I really wish I would have found an audio file for you. It would have warmed your fucking heart.

Until you see what their business practices are really like. Let's take a look at GSK's top selling drugs and see just how many snowflakes they've caught in their never ending quest shall we?

1) Advair: an inhaler used for asthma. A combination of two meds that were already on the market, one of which was about ready to lose it's patent protection.

2) Avandamet: A combination of two previously available diabetes medicines, one of which is about ready to lose it's patent protection.

3)Paxil CR: This is my favorite. The "CR" stands for "controlled release" Drug companies have long come out with "controlled release", "extended release", "sustained release" versions of their products when they are about ready to lose their patient protection. The idea being you take a dose fewer times a day and therefore will be less likely to miss doses. Oh, and they get a brand new patent for the "CR" "XR" or "SR" version.

Except that regular Paxil is dosed once a day, and Paxil CR is dosed........once a day. So WTF?? I'll let the Pharmacists Letter explain it:

The new tabs AREN'T longer-acting...they're once-daily like Paxil. Instead, Paxil CR is designed to cause fewer GI side effects. It's enteric-coated and controlled-release so the drug is released lower in the intestines. The manufacturer wants to say Paxil CR causes less nausea than Paxil...but so far there's no proof that it's better tolerated.

You got that? GSK pulls a claim out of their ass, sends their sales force to go pull the wool over your doctors eyes and charges you an extra $49 a month. (price difference from drugstore.com)

I could go on....Wellbutrin XL (which followed Wellbutrin SR), Augmentin XR, a product that actually INCREASED the chance of GI upset over regular Augmentin, but you get the picture. It seems like the results of the majority of GSK's research goes towards ways to extend the patent lives of their products. Oh, but they can't even rip you off without fucking it up. From the New York Times:

US Marshals Seize Millions of Defective Paxil & Avandamet pills

The FDA and federal marshals yanked millions of tablets of the antidepressant, Paxil CR and the diabetes drug, Avandamet, off the market because they are defective. The Paxil pills split during manufacturing, and the medication in Avandamet is not evenly distributed. GlaxoSmithKline has not resolved these manufacturing issues for three years.

Priceless indeed....

How Did This Blog Become the Reproductive Rights Rant?

I seriously didn't intend for it to turn out that way. But just like Michael Corleone in The Godfather, every time I try to get away, I get pulled back in. Today for example, I was going to write about how much I hate GlaxoSmithKline (three words smashed into one, keeping all the capital letters, seriously, that's how they spell their name), but instead, I need to vent about an emergency contraceptive customer. Off we go again into the land of reproductive choice:

The happy couple comes in; him, a square jawed, buzz-cut, military type. Her, a hoochie mamma, a ho, no other way to put it. I feared syphilis just by getting too close. I have no idea why she was pretending to even wear a skirt, as I'm sure it would have been more convenient to just forgo the last square inch of cloth below her waist and just go bottomless. But hey, I'm not here to judge, and if I can stop this pair's DNA from replicating, then I'm more than happy to do so. So I start the process and it becomes apparent within a few seconds that she's more than a wee bit intoxicated. I still may be a little tipsy from smelling her breath as she filled out the paperwork. I look at her profile and there is about every mental health med known to man. Sedatives, antidepressants, antiphychotics, a Christian Scientist's worse nightmare. The picture's coming into focus now. This may not have been legally an assault, but it was almost certainly a taking advantage of someone whose judgment isn't clear type situation.

So the drunk woman with mental health issues stops in the middle of filling out the forms, and asks where the bathroom is. Now, the regular customer bathroom is on the other side of the store, and it's locked, and I don't know what the combination is because there's a super-secret bathroom there in the pharmacy. I'm looking at her face and sensing that something is gonna come flowing out of somewhere in her body right quick, so I make the executive decision to let her use the upscale pharmacy staff toilet. While she's in there doing....um....well I'd rather not think about it, me and the soldier boy are having a bit of an awkward moment at the counter. He makes an attempt at small talk, and I work in my standard plug that we're lucky to live in a state where you can get the morning after pill without a prescription. I add that there's a movement to make it available like this nationwide, but that "that's probably not gonna happen with this administration" So what's the pearl of wisdom that comes out of Uncle Sam's mouth next?

"Well if you think about it that's a good thing because you wouldn't want people going around having unprotected sex"

YOU MEAN LIKE YOU JUST DID YOU DUMBASS REDNECK ALMOST RAPIST COMING TO ME TO BAIL YOU OUT FROM THE CONSEQUENCES OF USING YOUR DICK AS A BRAIN??? YOU ARE SO GODDAMN TYPICAL OF THE FUCKING HYPOCRITES THAT ARE THE RIGHT WING. IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE FACT THAT I WOULD BE SENTENCING SOME WOMAN TO POSSIBLY HAVE A PERMANENT TIE WITH YOUR SORRY ASS I WOULD TELL YOU TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE STORE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!

The look of utter disbelief I shot him sent him to the waiting area where he didn't utter another peep until Ms. Syphilis needed the cash to pay. At least he was good enough to pick up the tab. Christ.