Tuesday, December 07, 2010

My Kindle Nightmare Is Over, Which Means Your Dream Reading Experience Can Begin.

You know, I think the ideal Christmas gift would have something like this to say about the holiday:

For someone who professes to love us all, you'd think that maybe the thought our time could be worth a little something might enter Jesus' skull once or twice. That maybe Jesus could tell us, "You know, there's no need to go all out for my birthday. Really. Me and my Dad, the all knowing, omnipotent creator of universes known and unknown, the Deity that can part seas with his breath, move mountains with his pinky and knows the exact number of hairs on your head, I'm sure we'll come up with something. Don't put yourself out just on my account."
"And there is really no need to invent The Clapper to sell in the season of my special day. You work too hard for your money."
That's what my Uncle Harold would say. Uncle Harold always insisted we never make a big deal about his birthday, because that was just the kind of guy Harold was. Unlike this prick Jesus who pretty much ruined my whole week with this Christmas shit.
And by whole week I mean entire month of December. And part of November as well. Traffic gets backed up because of a goddamn parade. People everywhere I want to shop. A big pile of pine trees right where I normally park my car at work. All because this savior of mankind lets it go straight to his head.
I got news for you Jesus. I once saved the life of a mouse we found in the backroom of the store. That's right. Instead of killing it, I captured the little guy and let him loose in the woods in back of the mall. And I don't expect the mouse to buy shit every year for my birthday either. I think maybe I could teach you a thing or two about humility Mr. Son of God.
The sad thing is it's not just me that gets screwed. The entire goddamn planet has to put their lives on hold just for Jesus every year. Fuck it makes me so mad. I got over birthdays when I was like 9, and Jesus still gets all giddy like a girl after 2000 of them? Give me a break.
Buddhism looks better every day. No wonder there are so many Buddhists.

Which is why I think my book is the ideal Christmas present. Because that was an excerpt from my book.You should totally show Jesus Christmas is just about the stuff by buying a copy. And now, finally,  you can put it on your Kindle, which is a bit of stuff I still don't quite understand, other than to know I get a bigger royalty when someone buys a Kindle version. So um, yeah, I'm all about the Kindle. In your face Jesus. I'm gonna make some money off your birthday.

Go here to get a copy of the greatest pharmacy book ever written for your Kindle. 

Or here to get me in your Nook. Which sounds kinda fun depending on your attractiveness. 

And if you're a fan of the paper, you can order a copy here. 


Anita said...

gave you the bigger royalty, I was holding out on buying it :)

Anita said...

bought it. Wasn't going to unless you got it on the Kindle... just was going to ignore that you wrote a book :D


Erlend Pedersen said...

Bought! Hope it makes its way to Norway before christmas...

Kiwipharm said...

Waahoo Kindle copy purchased ... and instead of waiting AGES for a paper copy to be delivered to New Zealand, the kindle book took mere seconds to arrive on my Kindle. :)

Anonymous said...

thank you. best christmas present ever.

Anonymous said...

ya know, on NPR, they advertise the the barnes and noble reader as 'The Nook E Reader.' I kid you not. It's hilarious, especially on NPR.

I have a kindle, and I know how to use it. Thank goodness your book is finally there!

Anonymous said...

Got a kindle for Jebus-day, first book I bought was yours. Loved it! Lots of typos though. Slightly distracting even. Still, super mega awesome!

DrugMonkey, Master of Pharmacy said...

Anonymous 1:19,

Yeah, the war on typos has been an exercise in humility. Lesson learned. Next time I'll be hiring a copy editor. The print version is pretty much cleaned up...but editing the e-files is a pain in the ass. Eventually i'll have it squared away. Thanks for cutting me some slack.