Saturday, April 24, 2010

It's Not So Bad.

It kills about a third of the people that do it. One in three. That sounds better than the numbers the health care establishment will throw at you.

Of which I am a member.

But, if you didn't do it for 20 years, your odds are lower, right? And if when you did do it, you did it less than average, than surely the chances of it catching up with you are down somewhere in the teens I bet.

It's amazing what kind of rationalizations you can come up with in the depths of night. I'm on a roll. I'll keep going.

Mickey Mantle did it, and he was one of the great athletes of his generation.




It didn't kill Mickey Mantle. If I remember right, Mickey Mantle blew out his liver with a river of booze.

Wait. Aw crap.

I won't go into the reasons. I understand relationship drama is of very little interest to those not involved. And actually I'm lucky. It went down at a time when it just kinda sucked, as opposed to a few months later when it could have torn me up.

I don't think I could take getting torn up again.

So I fell off the wagon and hit the dust face first into the world of tar and nicotine and filters. Here's something a health care professional should never tell you; if you give a little scotch a running start and your body is relatively nicotine-naive, the combination is a nice little buzz. Nice I tell you.

It can even make you forget all about crying like you want to. Which is good, because men don't cry unless they're pansies like Glenn Beck.

It doesn't last very long though. So you light another because you don't want to be a pansy like Glenn Beck. Then another. Then you're chasing. Chasing chasing chasing.....

Chasing what? And my God what if I ever caught it?

By the way, for what it's worth, Mickey Mantle was a corporate whore:



So chasing the buzz and chasing whatever I thought she could give me leaves me...here. At almost one in the morning on a Friday night, here I am.

I'm not sorry.

It was a nice buzz and she's awesome and I suppose I'm just gonna have to dust myself off and find a way to tuck my memories in a happy place and get on with life. On Monday I'll just throw myself into my work for awhile.

Wait. My work. Oh mother of mercy.

I'm doomed.

8 comments:

Charlie said...

:-( Hang in there DM...

Tyler said...

You need to get out and meet you some women DM. You're smart, rich, and funny, you should be able to meet a hot girl and make her yours

Anonymous said...

I pray you're speaking of Parliment Lights. Tried the regs, just not smooth enough. The recessed filters give them an edge. I'm not sure exactly what edge, but an edge. So, as a (Pharmacist) smoker who chooses not to smoke (don't have kids), you are commended. Smoking is cool, I don't care what anybody says. Just remember the next one you light is for all of us - puff a little out for your fallen homies.

pacalaga said...

I remember that buzz. I miss that buzz. Always got it better when I was up north for some reason. I miss my Marlboros.
Sorry about the rest of it.

Unknown said...

Monkey man, as was said in 'Still Life With Woodpecker,' sometimes a cigarette can be a friend. Besides, when I bum one to drop some stress (and it does relieve stress wonderfully IF you don't do it too much - then your palms get all hairy - oh wait, wrong vice), my friends tell me that 'all the cool kids are doing it.' I believe them.

If neither one of us is married by the time you're 50, I'LL marry you. Deal? Hey, sacrifices will be made, but you're probably worth it.

DrugMonkey, Master of Pharmacy said...

Hope,

You are now penciled in my calendar for 2019....:)

Anonymous said...

wow imagine that you can kill 1/3 of your customers and still stay in business ?

Tonina said...

I know smoking is bad. Very, very bad. And my husband hates smoking, so we never would have gotten together if I hadn't given it up about a year before we got together.

But God, there are days when I'd cut off my left leg with a rusty hacksaw to have another cigarette. I quit eight years ago. How sad is that??