THERE'S NO WAY I CAN JUSTIFY THAT MUCH FOR SOME MEDICINE!!!!! Said the selfish milfish Mom. Then the cellphone came out. That wonder of modern life, the cellphone. It can solve any problem by getting you connected right away to a machine that will spend the next 20 minutes telling you how important your call is to it and showing you by not answering it.
It was Sunday. The doctor was out having a life. The cellphone wasn't going to solve this problem either.
ISN'T THERE SOMETHING ELSE YOU CAN GIVE HER THAT'S CHEAPER??!!?? Said the selfish milfish Mom. "Her" in this case being her daughter, who was standing right next to her. The daughter who was hearing all about how Mom couldn't justify paying for the Levaquin that would treat her sinus infection.
I should point out here that Mom's handbag probably cost as much as three or four Levaquin prescriptions. I'll also add that the last time I had a sinus infection, I would have let the doctor cut off my left testicle to get some relief, so I knew the kid was miserable. Think the girl in "Little Miss Sunshine", except maybe 14 years old and past the point of realization that she had no business in a beauty pageant. That was this kid.
After the cellphone failed to solve anything, after being told that matching the right antibiotic to the right bug is a matter of clinical judgment for a prescriber, which is why you have to be examined by a prescriber before you can get an antibiotic, and that no, I, who did not examine anybody, could not just pull the cheapest antibiotic off the shelf and hand it over so you can get those new shoes at Macy's, Mom left in a huff. The daughter came back alone a few minutes later with two boxes in her hand.
One was Airborne. The other was a private brand imitation Airborne. She had a check from Mom to pay for the Levaquin, but if I were to tell her that either of the Airbornes might help, she was prepared to buy one with her own money and forget the Levaquin. If it had been a little quieter in the store you could have heard my heart break for this kid. I know all about trying to win the approval of an irrational parent. I wanted to tell the kid that the good news was that eventually she'd be able to break away from the family that made her feel guilty for being sick.
As it was I told her tactfully that she was past the point where the Airborne would do any good. I didn't mention we're all past the point where Airborne will do us any good. That point doesn't exist. Eating the cardboard box Airborne comes in is equally as effective as taking the tablets that are inside. The kid asked for a pen to make out the selfish milfish Mom's check and I reached into my lab coat and handed her one. I noticed too late it was my Viagra pen. DAMMIT! I never let the Viagra pen anywhere near a customer!! It's the only one I have left! How the hell did it get in my lab coat!!?
A little chuckle as the kid saw the logo. "You could totally sell this on ebay I bet"
"You can have it"
"Really?"
"Sure, I got plenty. Spend this much and you oughta get a free pen"
And the dorky kid with the sinus infection who I knew felt miserable smiled and said thanks.
I think I did OK today.
23 comments:
You are getting soft.
Great post Drug Monkey - even though it's sad. I'd wager that milf's monthly cell phone bill is probably about the cost of a Levaquin prescription as well. I bet it has unlimited text messaging, camera and video and most likley internet. Some people should not have kids.
You only think she's kidding about eBay.
http://cgi.ebay.com/Lot-9-Pharmaceutical-Heavy-Metal-Pens-Crestor-DRUG-REP_W0QQitemZ150169989176QQihZ005QQcategoryZ15911QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem for example. http://cgi.ebay.com/20-UNIQUE-pharmaceutical-pens-NO-DUPLICATES_W0QQitemZ290169372510QQihZ019QQcategoryZ15911QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem for another.
Today, DrugMonkey, you're my hero.
OMG, I was that kid 25 years ago.
You did good.
Awesome! Big pat on your back! You can have a heart and still hate most of the world we live in!
Let's get married.
Yes, let's get married. 2nd proposal of the day.
That was cool as hell.. I've seen parents like that.. esp. Medicaid parents who have a typical 1 yr old and threaten to slap them.. Good thing she didn't, because I had killed me a bitch.
Made me laugh out loud, yet touched my heart at the same time. Keep kicking the ass of the ignorant and helping the innocent. Nice work man
This has nothing to do with your post, but I thought you would be interested to know many medical schools have ties to drug companies. Here is the link to the MSNBC article:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21333262/
How awesome! Way to go.
I always knew that you were a big, soft, honey-bunny.
MJ
DM: If I wasn't married to another DM I'd propose. (Drat! So many pharmacists, so little time!)
Seriously baby... you did good today. Real Good.
That kid-- will never forget that "moment in time when a pharmacist took the time to talk to her, as a person not as the arm candy of her obnoxious foolish mother." Kids appreciate straight talk, with a little humor--
Pharmacy just got another fan today--
Now go pour me a drink, ya big lug!
Hey I just found your blog, and this post had me laughting hard, and feeling like you are a great person! And maybe as liberal politically as myself, easily demonstrating as you did in another post that George Bush is a liar!!
But here is a question for you. I don't know whether you work in a pharm chain or an independent, but why are you not ashamed to have your store even sell Airborne?? I was in a line at a pharm chain the other day and noted the chain had their own brand similar to Airborne, I had already noted the disclaimer on teh brand and store brand: "This product is not intended to treat, diagnosne, cure or prevent any disease." I had to comment to the clerk why is was on sale for the purposes of preventing colds (wEBSITE: "Airborne is the best-selling herbal health formula that boosts your immune system to help your body combat germs.")WHEN IT SAYS IN FINE PRINT THAT IT DOES NOT PREVENT DISEASE???!!!
So I wonder why you allow your store to sell it and what do you tell customers who ask you whether it works?
Just wondered, I am a pharma marketer but at least the drugs I pitch are approved by the FDa and have to show some efficacy....
You did fine.
Breaks my heart. I think that woman's sister came into my pharmacy yesterday and swore at me in both french and english.
Tabernaque she was a chienne.
I con honestly imagine how that girl must have felt. Many many moons ago I was a little one, suffering from a nasty bug. While wandering towrds the kitchen I heard my parents speaking in a rather animated fashion. Already feeling poorly, I hung back and listened in - sometime it's best to delay that glass of juice.
Mom was relating to Dad just how much my own RX had cost that day. Looking back I should have just retreated. Instead I stepped into the room and told them that if it was too expensive we could just return it and I'd get better anyway.
How's a little kid supposed to know he can actually hurt his parent's feelings?
Oh, and the price of that super expensive RX? $18.00.
I won't tell you the year.
These kids break my heart, these parents make me boil... there are way too fucking many of them.
Nothing like a day at work to make you think we need to not only let people CHOOSE abortion, but actually advocate it as a medical practice.
I never get any cool drug pens. Drug reps dont visit our unit... maybe it has something to do with the bleeding heart medical director who makes us filter phenytoin, because he doesnt want to put out for fosphenytoin.
that was a brilliant post. thanks for brightening my boring day at my ambulatory care rotation. i can't wait to finish and get into retail. :-)
Wow. I wish I had more time to start an Airborne discussion. I get so sick and tired of people and their so-called natural alternatives to real medicine. I took care of one poor guy who had little pieces of duct tape stuck all over his face because someone told him it would cure his rash.
Um, I don't want to get married, but we can just be friends, k?
u are my hero!
Did you see the big Airborne settlement? Made me giggle a little bit.
http://www.click2houston.com/health/15486008/detail.html
"There's no credible evidence that what's in Airborne can prevent colds or protect you from a germy environment," said CSPI senior nutritionist David Schardt. "Airborne is basically an overpriced, run-of-the-mill vitamin pill that's been cleverly, but deceptively, marketed."
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