Halloween Is Satan's Feast Day.

Whenever I hear those words I am flooded with happy memories of my college years, and I'm sure you understand why.

No you don't. You see, the university that was foolish enough to grant me a pharmacy degree was located in the middle of nowhere. Unless someone has moved it, it still is. There was only one road away from campus that led from nowhere to somewhere, and along that road every year in the fall someone would rent a billboard with nothing but those five simple words upon it. I never quite figured out what they intended us to do with that information, but that's not the point. Whenever I saw it, I was a happy dumb college frat boy heading into town looking for dumb college frat boy things to do during the best time of the academic year, the precious few weeks of the term when everything surrounding us wasn't frozen solid. Good times...... *sigh*

Flash forward to today, when a customer asks to see the manager. She had a very urgent tone about her, like she knew the date of the next North Korean nuclear test and had to pass the information along to the proper authorities.

I asked the sometimes-suicidal question, "Is there something I can help you with?"

"No, I need to talk to the person who runs the store"

Whatever. I called the manager up and resumed the pill counting action, only to be stopped a few moments later when I hear the lady shout "Halloween is for Satan!" look up and see her pour a bottle of water over some cheap made in China witch doll that was placed by the pharmacy register. I shit you not. Evidently the lady took the climatic scene in The Wizard Of Oz a bit too closely to heart.

The customer was either some fundamentalist Christian or bat-shit crazy. I never bothered to find out. Like there's a difference.

A Quick Hit Of Customer Wisdom To End The Day

So I ask the lady if she has any questions about her Levaquin prescription and hear:

"Oh no, I know how you can't just go around taking it like an antibiotic when what you need is an antibacterial."

This doesn't even make any sense. And it was delivered in a tone that made it clear she thought there was nothing I could teach her about her Levaquin, which is an antibiotic. Antibiotics work to kill bacteria.

Making a difference in people's lives, that's what I do. Where's the scotch.......

A Rozerem Update; It's Not A Groundhog After All

Today I found out the most bizarre advertising campaign ever is more surreal than I first thought. If you've seen any of the ads for the new wonder pill Rozerem and you're anything like me, you've probably been saying to yourself, "What in the hell do Abraham Lincoln and a groundhog have to do with the treatment of my medical problems?" I am not making this up. A marketing drone plugging away somewhere thought that the man who had what was probably the least tranquil administration in American history combined with a large rodent would be a good way to sell a sleeping aid, then managed to sell the idea to Takeda Pharmaceuticals.

I foolishly assumed the rodent was a groundhog, because they are famous for sleeping all winter, then having some retard human wake them up in February to ask them when the weather is going to get warmer. Sleeping pill, sleeping groundhog, right?

Nope. I found out today from a sales rep slightly more helpful than this one that the rodent is actually a beaver. I think a beaver is still a rodent. I'm not sure, and I don't feel like looking it up right now. What I do know is that in contrast to the sleepy groundhog, a beaver's claim to fame is it's reputation for being "busy," felling trees, building dams, that kind of thing.

This busy, hardworking animal, who by the way in the ads is something of a smartass, is supposed to make you want to buy a sleeping product, along with the man who presided over a war in which over 373,000 people died. I'll bet that made Lincoln sleep really well at night.

Surely there's something I'm not getting here.

Why I Hate Telling People I'm A Pharmacist

Because the image makers of society want you to conjure up images like this when you hear the word "pharmacist," that's why:




Can't you just hear the woman who looks incredibly like David Bowie saying in that deadly serious, deep voice of hers,

"Mrs. Smith......I don't know how to tell you this......but....I'm afraid it's.....DRY MOUTH. We'll get through this.....I want you to know Mrs. Smith, I'm here to help you....every step of the way.

The pharmacist looks far more upset at this turn of events than Mrs. Smith. Maybe that's because Mrs. Smith is unable to talk with no spit in her mouth.

So when people ask what I do for a living I tell them I'm an astronaut. It's really easier to fake being one than you might think. I mean how many people do you know who have been to outer space? So there's no way they know I'm lying when I start quoting random things I remember from the movie The Right Stuff. Most people are awed into silence, women seem intimidated, most likely from the powerful sexual imagery that thoughts of a rocket moving upwards at full throttle put into their subconscious mind. Once a guy tried to start something with me by insisting the moon landing was staged in a Hollywood studio, but when I let him in on the secret that the Earth was actually flat like a Frisbee, he ended up buying me a couple drinks.

It's not always easy being a fake astronaut, but at least in that world I've never had deal with a unique approach to saliva replacement.

The Prescriptions Could Not Have Been More Appropriate.....

Now, I don't spend much time around children, for many of the same reasons I don't spend time around wild boars, but I have never seen anything like the little out of control shit whose mom I had the good fortune of waiting on today. He announces his presence by throwing a volleyball for no apparent reason straight up and hitting the store's ceiling, sending said ball ricocheting down and almost hitting him on the head. Society should be so lucky, as it would have been more of a behavior deterrent than anything mom could offer.

"I don't like that Johnny" she says, as Johnny runs down the vitamin aisle.

A loud scream. Something like you might imagine coming from the mouth of the mythical banshee. Then "Johnny, if you don't settle down there will be no video tonight."

A loud crash out of my sight. "Johnny, did you hear me? Behave or no video. This is not OK"

Johnny and I both knew that if he went home and deliberately set the house on fire, mom would rush into the burning building to save the DVD player and Johnny's five favorite cartoon discs.

Then the pharmacy door opens and in comes Johnny. Running at full speed behind me and into the room of drugs. The drugnazi corners little Johnny and leads him out by the ear. Now I'll give the kid credit, they say children and animals always know a persons real intentions, and Johnny seemed to sense that the only thing keeping me from slapping his sorry little ass into last year and giving him one more chance to not to become a screw-up was the legal action that would result. Johnny also seemed to know that much more of this and even that wouldn't stop me. He finally sat down in a chair and gave me a chance to wait on mom.

She was picking up prescriptions for a Nuvaring and Lexapro. That would be a contraceptive and an antidepressant for those of you not in the profession.

It would seem mom learned her lesson a bit too late.

Pharmacy Art Picture #1

I took this through the drive-through window of a store in a god-forsaken ghetto where I used to work the overnight shift (calling it the "graveyard" shift hit a little too close to home) I wanted to get the sunrise over the building's garbage infested rear parking lot and make some sort of statement that there are moments of beauty no matter where you find yourself, but got this mostly reflective back-at-you shot instead, thereby making an entirely different statement.

That statement being of course, that I'll take all the time I damn well please to fill your prescription when I have a new cell phone camera to play with.

Sometimes Jesus Just Loves You A Little Bit.

So I'm being a good pharmacist for some reason today, and noticing that the lady's new thyroid prescription is different from the dose she's been taking for the last 5 years, I make a note to mention it when she picks it up. This is what a pharmacist in the 21st century is supposed to be doing, being proactive in looking for mistakes. A generation ago, I would have been expected to keep my mouth shut and just put the damn pills in a bag. Free love, a real anti-war movement, and less contact with customers. Just three of the reasons I was born 20 years too late, but I digress.

So thyroid woman comes to the counter and I say something like "looks like your dose has gone down a little bit from the last time you've had these filled." She thinks I'm being friendly. What I'm really doing is watching her face for signs of surprise. Sadly, this is what I got instead:

"Oh yes, it's just the most wonderful thing. I prayed and prayed to Jesus and he answered me like I always knew he would."

OK.......so, Jesus heard this lady's prayers, and instead of CURING her, he decides to change her condition just enough that she requires 0.000137 of a gram of thyroid replacement hormone a day instead of 0.000150 of a gram. She'll still have to take a pill every day, with the same consequences if she misses a dose or stops therapy. Long term prognosis? Same. Price of her prescription? Same. As a matter of fact, if her doctor hadn't been on top of things and noticed the change in her condition, she could have easily remained on a dose that was now too high for her, so really you could say that Jesus needlessly put this woman's health at risk.

Lesson learned for me. Next time I swear I'm just keeping my mouth shut and putting the damn pills in the bag.

I So Need A New Look.....

....so I'm walking down the street to lunch today, in my workshirt and tie and all....and a homeless guy asks me if I'm a Mormon. Christ, talk about hitting below the belt. See if you get my spare change on the way back now fucker.

A Political Update. The Dick Mountjoy Campaign Appears To Have Gone Flaccid

Some of you may remember my earlier delight upon hearing that former California State Senator Dick Mountjoy had won the Republican nomination to seek a promotion to the United States Senate this fall. (I'm not making this up, here's his website.) I looked forward to a long, hard campaign where Dick Mountjoy's unbending commitment and unequalled endurance would thrust the issues that excite the people of California to the forefront again and again, leading to a cathartic climax on election day that would release the tension that had built up all over the Golden State.

But now that the passion of election season is heating up all over the country, it would seem Dick Mountjoy is missing the excitement necessary to have a relationship with California voters. Everywhere politicians are on the TV, blaring from the radio, and plastered in the newspapers accusing each other of wanting to raise your taxes and the price of gas, but as the weather gets colder, the Dick Mountjoy campaign seems to be shrinking away from it's job of injecting debate into this election season. So I went looking for Dick today and discovered this, from MSNBC.com:

If the 2006 election for California's U.S. Senate seat were held today, would you vote for:

FEINSTEIN 53%

MOUNTJOY 23%

OTHER 3%

It would seem that support for Dick Mountjoy is too soft for him to become a fully functional candidate, much to the frustration of his partners at the California Republican Party, who despite their assurances that this kind of thing happens to a lot of candidates, have turned their attention elsewhere, leaving Dick Mountjoy feeling very inadequate next to the likes of Arnold Schwarzenegger. I'm sure however, that even though it is almost certain we won't have Mr. Mountjoy to kick around after November, there will always be plenty of Dicks in politics.

Abraxis BioScience Says It's Breast Cancer Drug Is A Breakthrough, Then Calls Itself A Liar

Patrick Soon-Shiong is an American success story. Probably by definition anyone who is ranked #77 on the Forbes list of richest Americans would be considered as such. Ever wonder what it is that separates those few who reach that level of achievement from you and I? I mean most of us get up each day, work hard, have some ambition to make something of ourselves. So what is it that can drive someone into that elite group of 100 people with more money than everyone else in the country? Ripping off hospitals is a nice start, but to really make it in the big leagues of American finance, being willing to fleece cancer patients who are afraid of dying is just the kind of thing that will drive you right to the top.

In the mid 90's, Dr. Soon-Shiong made his move into the entrepreneurial class by forming his own company, American Pharmaceutical Partners, to sell generic drugs to hospitals. His move into the business world might have been prompted by a surgical technique he pioneered turning out to be a total flop, but only he would know that for sure. The good doctor thought it might help sales at his company if he gave stock options in American Pharmaceutical Partners to people who were responsible for buying his products, and wouldn't you know, the strategy of giving people who are spending hospitals money, not theirs, a chance to make money for themselves, not the hospitals, by choosing Dr. Soon-Shiong's products worked out pretty well for him. Yes there were people who whined and cried about things like "conflict of interest", but they were probably just jealous communists. You can't stand in the way of capitalism, baby.

You can't stand in the way of capitalism because capitalism improves the lives of us all, by bringing us advances like Abraxane, a new and improved treatment for late-stage breast cancer. By "new" of course, I mean "slightly different and not proven to be any more effective than what's already on the market." Abraxane is a reformulated version of paclitaxel, which has been sold under the brand name Taxol to treat cancers of the lung, ovaries, and breast since 1993. Because Taxol isn't water soluble, it has to be given in a mixture of castor oil and alcohol than can cause severe allergic reactions. To lessen the risk, people are given a steroid and an antihistamine along with the Taxol. Kinda sucks, but beats the hell out of no cancer treatment at all.

The idea, and by idea I mean "hype," behind Abraxane is that by reformulating paclitaxel into a form that makes the steroids and antihistamines unnecessary, you can cut down on side effects and increase efficacy. Dr. Soon-Shiong says of his product
“We have a breakthrough, Look at the data.” OK then, lets look.

- Taxol causes more damage to white blood cells, Abraxane causes more damage to nerves.

- In a trial of 454 late stage breast cancer patients, Abraxane delayed the growth of tumors for 23 weeks in the average patient, compared with 17 weeks for Taxol.

- There was no difference in the amount of time a patient lived in the study, regardless of which med was used. After two years, roughly 75 percent of patients in the study had died, whether they received Abraxane or Taxol.

That's the data Dr. Soon-Shiong says proves his product is a "breakthrough"

To be fair, when he used the word "breakthrough" Dr. Soon-Shiong might not have been talking about the science at all, but rather the price his new company, Abraxis BioScience, is able to get away with charging for Abraxane

$4,200 a dose. Twenty-five times as much as the generic version of Taxol. I shit you not.

Twenty-five times as much for a drug that hasn't been shown to help you live one day longer.

Twenty-five times as much for a drug that a cancer research journal concluded is “old wine in a new bottle.”

Twenty-five times as much when Dr. Michael Hawkins, top medical officer for Abraxis BioScience says “These are just two forms of paclitaxel”

Did you get that last quote? Dr. Hawkins works for the company that makes Abraxane, and he's saying “These are just two forms of paclitaxel”? WTF?

You see, Abraxis BioScience wanted a new indication for Abraxane to use in early stage breast cancer, but they didn't want to do any more studies, so Dr. Hawkins was saying the FDA should just go ahead and approve it since Abraxane is just like Taxol, and Taxol already had the indication.

Got that? When they want to charge you $4,200 instead of $150 it's "a breakthrough." When they want to get out of doing more studies it's "just another form of paclitaxel"

An American success story indeed.

Read more here.