Quick Hit Of Customer Wisdom......

............upon being rung up, Mr. Genius asks...."Oh...so it's $19.98 even?"

No, it's $19.98 and 42 cents......

Jesus I need a day off.

Joint Prosperity In Stupidity......me and Gillette

......are people really stupid enough to go out and buy a razor with 5 blades? *Sigh*....I've been working with the general public long enough now that I should know the answer.....a resounding yes, of course, because the commercial on the TV told them to. I came across one of these commercials the other day during one of my increasingly infrequent forays into the wasteland of the boob tube. Said something about the "innovate technology" combined with a "unique idea." What kind of new technology do you need to put five blades in plastic cartridges that you didn't need to put in 4? And as far as a "unique idea" take a look here: this is an article from the satire website/paper The Onion about Gillette's plan to do just this..... dated February 18th 2004! What was so ridiculous it was the basis for satire a little over a year ago has become today's business plan. It must be incredibly hard to be a comedy writer these days, when real events are ripping off your best material. While I'm on the subject, I also remember what was *supposed* to be a fictional story in the Onion about a man who didn't know when he could take down the American Flag he put on his house after 9/11 without seeming too unpatriotic being repeated almost verbatim..........in NEWSWEEK a few weeks later. I'm not kidding. I wish I was.

The gullibility of the American public shall translate into dollars in my pockets and retirement plan however, as a good chunk of the business this crap idea will generate will happen at my employer....who......*come a little closer, I'll have to whisper this*........makes way more money off a big health and beauty aid product launch like this than any blockbuster $150 per month prescription drug. I know it hurts ya to shell out the big bucks for your Nexium and/or Lipitor, but the very fact you hate buying them means we have to keep profit margins slim on those products. When you come clamoring in for a 5 blade razor though, convinced it's the only thing standing between you and all night orgies with supermodels, well then........the profit margin gets a little fatter.....suckers......going now to work on some innovative technology that'll let my put 6 blades on a stick.......

Bill Gates Finds a $100 Bill In The Street......

....do you suppose he stops to pick it up? I say he does, because he has so much fucking money, a figure so unfathomably huge, that no human mind, even his, can really comprehend just how much it is. So even though he earns 10 times as much from windows royalties in the time it takes him to stoop over and put the Benjamin in his wallet...I say yeah.....he does it.

So if you're a guy.....a hetero guy who likes boobies.....and Lived in Canada of Massachusetts or somewhere where it was legal....would you marry Bill Gates knowing that at some point you could get a divorce and take half of everything he owns? I'm not quite sure.....except that I like boobies....

How did people get police help in the days before telephones?


Strange what thoughts can go through your mind while you're filling prescriptions......

Going Through The Trash......

......not the highlight of anyone's day, and certainly not a glamorous part of any job, but, hey, it happens. You drop in a piece of paper you need back, you accidentally throw away a bottle lid (shhhh...don't tell any customers), your favorite pen got knocked off the counter, that kind of thing. The other day though, there I was, sifting through the waste for a customer that really, really, wanted her old prescription vial back because..............I swear I'm not making this up..... it had a picture of Michael Bolton on it. Seriously. I eventually found it and returned it to the happy 40ish woman. The obvious question:

Why....oh why would you tape a picture of Michael Bolton to a vial of your cholesterol medicine? My theory; looking at the pic decreases your appetite and makes it easier to avoid eating those greasy , high fat calorie bombs that send your cholesterol numbers through the roof. Alternate theories; she was a relative of Michael Bolton, a fan of the movie "Office Space", she shares his desire to "hit a softball at Conan O'Brian really hard" (An actual quote, Bolton and O'Brian got into some sort of pissing match awhile back), the picture keeps the cockroaches away from her medicine when she leaves the medicine on her bathroom counter at night. Least likely theory of all; she was a big Michael Bolton fan and enjoyed his music.

"The Most Dangerous Place to Be"

...according to spawn of Satan Rush Limbaugh "is between a liberal woman and her morning after pill." Seriously. He said that the other day during his daily bullshit fest. I think he was trying to make a joke, but not only did it not make me laugh, (Rush often used to make me laugh.....a lot....before I realized so many people were taking him seriously) it made me think of the many times I *have* stood in the way of an addict and his Vicodin...and uh.....quite honestly, although I never have "stood in the way of a liberal woman and her morning after pill", and never will, if I were making the choice based only on my personal safety, I'd pick the liberal woman over a pompous oxycontin craver such as Limbaugh any day of the week.

Lord Knows I Love To Make Fun Of Customers......

.....all two regular readers of this blog (who have no doubt moved on long ago during my 9 month sabbatical) have no doubt of that. Every once in awhile though..... one will turn the tables on you and make you feel about an inch high.

The other day a man comes in....and through his broken English I can figure out he's asking for something for depression, because someone (not quite clear who) has died. I'm the only one manning the counter at the time, and like I've said, there's more than a bit of a language barrier, but I try to get through to the guy that there's pretty much nothing out there that's gonna be of any help. Now I've been at this awhile, and I've developed an ability to read people.......and I know this guy thought I was blowing him off. He leaves the counter and I have to dive back into the 2 phone calls and stack of prescriptions that have built up while we were(n't) talking. When I get caught up...maybe 15..... 20 minutes later...... who knows. I see him in the middle of the aisle in front of me, in a strange land, dealing with the loss of a friend or relative, desperately searching through the Tylenol Cold Formula and Robitussin looking for something to ease his mind, thinking the gringo behind the counter couldn't care less..........

.......I really....really hate this job sometimes.

Where the Hell Have I Been?

Has it really been 9 months since I've tended to my little blog garden? Damn how time flies. I could have gotten laid and had a little drugnazi by now. My first thought when I came back to take a look was; "What the hell is up with all this spam in the comments?" Like 5 e-mails a day in my in box offering me Viagra isn't enough. I cannot escape.

So where the hell *have* I been anyway? Well I'll tell you. At least since the beginning of the new year, I've been dealing with hoards of angry and/or confused old people who can't understand why their meds are no longer covered, or why they're getting charged way to much for them. You've heard about the new Medicare drug coverage. It's a cluster fuck only Satan himself could have designed, yet more proof that the Republicans responsible for it are the spawn of the evil one. You wanna know why pharmacists have the second-highest suicide rate of any profession? (I think lawyers are first, that fact shouldn't need explaining, and quite honestly it's a trend that I think should be encouraged) I'll tell you why. All the responsibility, none of the control. No one asked me what I thought when this turd bill was working it's way through Congress. And although me and anyone who's ever worked in a drugstore knew this thing was gonna be a train wreck as soon as we heard about it. We weren't consulted or offered pork for our home districts or threatened while voting was held open for 2 hours in violation of House rules by the Republican leadership. As a matter of fact, last election I went to my nearest swing state and walked precincts until my knees were sore, stuffed envelopes until I had quite the collection of paper cuts and made phone calls through a massive head cold precisely to get these assholes OUT of power. After it was over I went back to my room full of pills bitter and convinced that if the American people were so stupid as to want to be ruled by corpro-fascists, then that was THEIR problem and THEY deserved what THEY would get. I was just gonna mind my own business and have no sympathy for them.

Then the first of the year. The swarms of confused blue hairs angry at me for the policy implemented by the people I tried to stop. And I know they have a right to be angry, and I have no choice but to tell them they are expected to pay way too much for their meds now. Many people will try and tell you politics doesn't matter. Well I see it matters every time I go to work. I tried to embrace a personal isolationism after the election. It doesn't work. You cannot escape.

Well Shut My Mouth.......

Regular readers of this Blog (all two of you) will remember I blasted Dextromethorphan, the ingredient in every over the counter cough suppressant awhile back as one of the most useless piece of crap peddled in the drugstore. Today's New York Times says they seem to have found a use for it, to treat people with uncontrolled bouts of crying or laughing. Seriously. Here's the link if you wanna take a look: http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/09/business/09avanirbox.html??

Of course in a related story today, the Times says that the drug industry will now go on a marketing blitz to convince people that they have this previously all-but-unknown disorder. If you're really into reading about uncontrolled crying or want a little insight into how big pharma works, you can look here: http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/09/business/09avanir.html?th&emc=th

It'll be interesting to see how they price this "breakthrough" therapy, as dextromethorphan is already available, and cheap as dirt.

Just Because I Didn't Want Him To Die......

....he thinks I'm his friggin friend now. I swear this is the last time I am EVER nice to a human being again. Assistant manager at the store, in his 40's and the most he's achieved is *some* of the responsibility for running a mid size retail shop. Fat as a whale, lives with his Mom, dresses like his grandpa, and financially successful to the point that he can't afford his meds until payday. Not the full price of his meds mind you, I'm talking the copays on our insurance plan. Not wanting to risk burdening our local paramedics with the immense task of hauling out his girth on a stretcher, I cut him some slack, filled his scripts, took out & gave him enough pills to hold him over 'till he's paid, and I'll sell him the whole thing then. This may have been the first act of kindness anyone has ever showed this man in his life. He now feels the need to come back to the pharmacy and endlessly discuss whatever pops into his mind. Usually things such as his past career at another retailer, food, and various TV shows I have never heard of. (I cut the cable years ago, one of the smartest things I've ever done) I don't wish him any harm really, as I don't think he's evil, but I do wish he'd leave me the hell alone. God please don't let him be gay.........

The War On Drugs, Helpful or Not

Good Lord the stupidity keeps coming faster than I can keep up. There's an article in this week's Newsweek about a couple of scientists who had an idea that ecstasy....yes the same ecstasy that made you flood the world with your released inhibitions last time you went to a rave, might be of some use in the practice of medicine, particularly the treatment of severe anxiety and post traumatic stress disorder. Not a bad thought if you think about the pharmacology of it, but sometimes things that are intuitive work out and sometimes they don't. So these folks have started a few trials to see if there's any merit to the idea. That's what science does. It experiments to see if theories hold up in the real world. Been happening since the time of the ancient Greeks at least.
In steps the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy, which when asked to comment opposed such research. David Murray, policy analyst for the office said, "kids will say, 'Hey it's a medicine, they give it out at Harvard'" (Take a look at the whole article here if you're so inclined: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7613571/site/newsweek/ )I challenge anyone to come up with anything this guy could have said that would be stupider. It...may....turn....out......to...be....a....medicine....you dumbass..... that's the whole point of the study. Evidently I should stop filling Vicodin prescriptions, since you know, the kids will then think it's a medicine, and see that it's ok to be an addict now. First the parents turning against their children......now society denying itself possible cures. The war on drugs is more insane than I imagined. I long for the days when morons at the counter were my biggest frustration.