Not like the sun mind you. The sun is regular and dependable and my obsession is not. The sun is also useful and life giving. Necessary. My obsession is not. It was planted in my mind long ago, and like a shingles virus, it stays out of reach until I am weakened, then it rears its ugly head. Last night as the gin started to soak into my grey matter it pounced yet again.
"How would you kill someone with a newspaper?"
Many years ago you see, I was watching one of those prison documentaries of the type that are on MSNBC late at night and I heard an inmate claim to have done just that. Kill someone using only a newspaper. He seemed quite proud of himself, and I don't really blame him, as I have no idea how you'd pull that off. I waited for the explanation and it never came. I've thought about it periodically ever since.
Roll it up into a point and jab at their liver? The eyes maybe?
Soak it it water and hold it over the victims face, smothering them?
Twist it into a type of paper rope perhaps, so you could strangle them.....
It's been a good 5 years I bet and those are the best ideas I've been able to come up with. I have a feeling when I hear the answer it's gonna be something incredibly simple and I'm gonna feel really stupid.
Thing is, I have a newspaper within easy reach most of the time now at work. Ironically enough because I couldn't take the cable "news" channels like MSNBC anymore and started a subscription.
So, I've been thinking about how to kill someone with a newspaper a little more often than I used to. A lot actually. Someone asked me again today if you have to go to college to become a pharmacist and I desperately wished I knew how to kill them with the newspaper that was 12 inches from my hand.
I wonder if it's very physically challenging, because my back's still kinda sore.
18 comments:
Use the newspaper to publish malicious lies, either driving them to suicide or motivating the less stable elements of society to stalk and murder your victim.
Use the newspaper to place and advert for an abortion clinic run by your intended victim?
In the 1950s a KGB officer named Stashinsky hid a device that sprayed poison gas in a rolled-up newspaper. When the gas was sprayed in the victim's face it caused almost immediate death and didn't leave any evidence to suggest foul play. While it isn't using ONLY a newspaper it's what came to my mind and I like to imagine it could be useful in many everyday situations.
Any opinions on regulation of Direct-to-Consumer genetic testing? FDA deliberating now...
You got it right. You roll it up into a point. If you have access to paint (I mean the guy wasn't being 100% accurate) or lacquer or glue, you use that to stiffen the point and you have a weapon.
The google is your friend. I just wanted to confirm this and it was the first hit.
http://www.chacha.com/question/how-do-you-make-a-shank-out-of-a-newspaper
Damn you DrugMonkey! Your obsession is now my obsession. Apparently MythBusters did a show on newspaper crossbows. There are several YouTube videos. I suggest you build one and have it ready behind the counter.
Here's one suggestion
http://everything2.com/title/How+to+kill+a+person+with+a+newspaper
Elliot.....you worry me.
My personal obsession: How to brew beer in a coffeemaker. Mr. S and I have been contemplating the issue since junior high
It may take a few minutes but just keep stuffing balled up pages down their throat until they suffocate. I hypothesize that by stuffing more paper into their throat than they can swallow, it will get stuck and they will suffocate before the mucus and saliva will break down the paper particles.
"You could probably beat a man to death with the Sunday New York Times!" - George Carlin
" I've thought about it periodically ever since."
I really hope that was intentional.
Easy, Like shooting fish in a barrel.
Soak newspaper in toilet, hold prison rooming from moving, stuff wadded up paper down throat. Keep stuffing til irritating bunk mate stops moving.
I can't take credit for this, because I saw a documentary about Rikers, and some guy killed himself in seclusion with wet toilet paper. (Or allegedly,says his lawyers, the guards did).
SkullCandy-don't eff with me or I'll shank you with this spork! Lol...
I lost a bar bet once because someone put a dollar bill through a pack of cigarettes. He folded a rolled it into a pointed rod and then stabbed it through. Cost me $20 but it was worth it.
or you just wad it up and stuff it down their throat
I think just rolling it up very tight can make it as hard as a wood stick and then if he hit his victim with it on the neck or something...
I suspect the inmate was talking about a Millwall Brick (I'm retired law enforcement).
Actually, I work in a prison, and the inmates like to make what they call a "non weapon" out of items they're allowed to have such as newspapers or magazines. They basically get the newspaper wet and allow it to dry several times while remolding it into a sort of billy club type weapon. I have also seen them shred up the news paper into basically a paper "pulp" then they get a bunch of soap and turn it into a very thick liquid, using the soap and the newspaper "pulp" to make a pretty sturdy sort of paper mache which they then form into a weapon of their own design...
Post a Comment