We really have you stupid shits eating right from our hands.
Look, running a drugstore isn't rocket science. It all comes down to a basic premise, you buy things and then sell them for more than you paid. The less you pay/more you can charge for something the more money you make. It's as simple as that. Thing is, we realized long ago we were never going to be able to contain our costs the way that goddamned hick from Arkansas was able to with his Wal-Mart. Little fucker built up his business betting people would confuse his place with ours and he was right. Anyway, we need a different strategy to be able to compete in the retail jungle, and that's where the monkeys in the white coats we keep in the back come in.
You really think it makes us different. The pharmacists in the back and the mortar and pestle we use in our logo. We'll blow smoke up your ass about having 8,000 "points of care" across the country and 70,000 "healthcare service providers" and you dumbasses eat it up. Whatever it takes to get you to waddle into the store to stock up on the 2 for $5 canned Spam we have on sale this week, or maybe the 39 cent 20 ounce sodas. Shit. I don't give a fuck. Buy the $2.40 potato chips or a flu shot for all I care. Just as long as you leave behind some money.
What I've found over the course of my career is that the best way to get suckers to buy buy buy is to lie lie lie. When I told the trade magazine Drug Store News that it was our vision to "own well" I fully expected their writer to grill me about our decision to sue the city of San Francisco when they banned tobacco sales in pharmacies. It wasn't fair we said, because it allowed those pricks over at Safeway to stay on the tobacco profit gravy train. We went to court to be treated just like any other retailer, but then we wax eloquently into the PR machine that we're some sort of special wellness center. And you brain dead sheep lap it right up! That writer never said a word! He just took dictation and wrote me up a seven page blowjob!
This shit is getting easier every year too. “We are on the front lines of health care with [more than] 70,000 healthcare service providers and growing, We have [more than] 8,000 points of care across the country. What we are building is the most complete national network of integrated healthcare providers and locations in the country.” Now get in here and buy some of our new private label beer you fucking lush. We make more on it than we do on Budweiser, and the fact you're getting it from a place that values wellness so much can make you feel better about washing your life away.
So yeah, that's about all you need to know about how to make it in the drugstore business. I just saved you the time and money it would have taken you to get an MBA. You're welcome. Why don't you use some of that cash and stock up on some Camels and the 2 for $5 Oreos we have on special this week. Because we're committed to stand beside you every step of the way on your wellness journey.
Fucking idiot.
Note- Greg Wasson wrote these words using a word processor that exists only in my imagination.
7 comments:
"Own well"...oh puhleeze and what a surprise that Drug Store Smooze didn't call him on it. If they had he could have explained that
actually it is a solid business strategy. With smokes,booze,candy and salty fatty snacks on sale there will be a continuous line up for statins,sartans,insulin, and ssris.
Oh lordy. I hadn't read this pile of Wasson words of wisdom. Well, this part is the truth...
.."the company has whacked expenses and moved back into record-setting sales and earnings territory". The 'expenses' being whacked are the employees.
It is amazing how spot on you are about Greg Wasson and Walgreen's and you didn't have to waste any of your life working there.
I worked there 2 1/2 years and they tried to suck my soul dry but I finally had enough and moved on.
I still keep in touch with the techs that can't seem to escape. It seems now besides flu shots and shingles shots, pharmacists should also be giving A1C tests and who knows what other crap that most pharmacists didn't sign up for. Oh and they keep cutting help!!
A 7-page suck job from Drug Store News? Oh big effing surprise there! They trot out to all the industry and say "advertise in our special WE LOVE WALGREENS issue because if you don't, they'll notice. Honest reporting? Yeah right. It's another LIE LIE LIE to SELL SELL SELL.
the WAG i work at actually makes more in the phamacy than we do on the front end stuff.
Yesterday there was a Walgreen's "Wellness Tour" van set up across the street doing BP checks and the like. We are located INSIDE A CLINIC!!!! They literally set themselves up outside our clinic and pharmacy, which is about 1/2 mile from one Walgreen's and a mile from another in the exact opposite direction. I was dumbfounded all day.
I worked for Walgreens for 2 and a half years as well. This dude hit it right on the head. These fuckers and just about every other corporation are in it purely so a handful of people can make OBSCENE amounts of money at the expense of store employees. They care nothing for the lifeblood of the company they run. They WILL chip away at your soul until they break you or you leave. But, hey, if they can't break you into a mindless wag promoter, they will find situation after situation to completely fuck you over. Congratulations Walgreens, you used to be a respectable company. Now, almost any management from district level and above, not to mention all the made up VP positions, are probably some of the worst people I've ever met or heard of. Some people are literally what's wrong with this world and the top Wag management are prime examples.
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