The New York Times Joins In A Cruel Joke On The Profession.

And it's not even a particularly good joke. From last Friday's paper:

Eloise Gelinas depends on a personal health coach.

At Barney’s Pharmacy, her local drugstore in Augusta, Ga., the pharmacist outlines all her medications, teaching her what times of day to take the drugs that will help control her diabetes.

Ms. Gelinas, a retired nurse, also attends classes at the store once a month on how to manage her disease with drugs, diet and exercise. Since she started working with the Barney’s pharmacists, she boasts that her blood sugar, bad cholesterol and blood pressure have all decreased. “It’s my home away from home,” she says.

While some of the services being offered to Ms. Gelinas resemble those found in an old-fashioned neighborhood drugstore, others reflect the expanding role of the nation’s pharmacists in ways that may benefit their customers and also represent a new source of revenue for the profession. Some health plans are even paying pharmacists to monitor patients taking regular medications for chronic illnesses like diabetes or heart disease.

“We are not just going to dispense your drugs,” said David Pope, a pharmacist at Barney’s. “We are going to partner with you to improve your health as well.”

"I tried to get out of running this thing, but it wasn't really fair after The Chicago Tribune took their turn last year." said New York Times executive editor Bill Keller in my imagination. He then added that one mainstream news outlet has run some bullshit story about how pharmacists "aren't just dispensers anymore" around once a year for the last 10 years or so, maybe longer.

If you're a pharmacist meanwhile, you are probably dispensing around 50% more drugs per shift than you were 10 years ago.

Keller said he couldn't exactly remember how the periodic pharmacy bullshit story got started, thinking it may have been part of an April fools prank in 2000 hatched during a convention of the Society of Professional Journalists after a night of heavy drinking.

"I think Dan Rather got the idea to assign the story to an intern or something as a test of their bullshit skills, and the kid did such an incredible job he actually used it on air one night when it was a slow news day." Keller didn't say. "Anyway, we've been passing the thing around for awhile now. The funny thing is, some organization actually started believing it. I think it was the American Public Health Association or something?"

"We were very pleased The New York Times shares our vision of the future of pharmacy" said American Pharmacists Association president Harold N. Godwin only in my head. "The movement of our profession away from the count, pour, lick, and stick functions of the past and into the realm of being a full-fledged and respected member of the health care team is one of the most significant wellness trends in the nation."

"And it totally must be happening somewhere. Because I keep reading about it in the news."

Like other health plans, Blue Shield views pharmacists as having the education, expertise, free time and plain-spoken approach to talk to patients at length about what medicines they are taking and to keep close tabs on their well-being.

Keller said in addition to putting in a line about pharmacists and free time in this years story, he initially wanted to write of a world where every child gets a free puppy at age 6 and upon reaching puberty, unlimited oral sex from the Playboy centerfold or Chippendale dancer of their choice, but decided "that might be stretching it a little bit"

Reached for comment, your district manager told you that he expected if someone pulled into your pharmacy's drive through lane and wanted a ham sandwich, you would send it through that pneumatic tube thingy as soon as possible, if not sooner.

He also added that your staff's hours have been cut by 10%

Asked if it wasn't true that the decline of the independent drugstore has in fact been stopped by the trend toward custom compounding, which is a variant of the very old business model of buying things and selling them for more than you paid for them, and has had very little if anything to do with Medication Therapy Management, APhA president Godwin fictionally said ....."la la la.....I can't hear you...."