Tuesday, May 04, 2010

An Interview With Governor George Wallace.

George Wallace, called "the most influential loser in 20th century politics" by biographer Dan Carter, first gained notional notoriety in 1963 when, as Governor, he made a famous "stand in the schoolhouse door," as a show of defiance to federal orders to desegregate the University of Alabama. Starting with his inauguration earlier that year, where he famously declared "segregation today . . . segregation tomorrow . . . segregation forever," Wallace practiced the politics of racial division throughout his rise to prominence, running what Carter called "one of the most racist campaigns in modern southern political history" in seeking re-election to the Governor's office in 1970.

Wallace ran for President four times, carrying five states in 1968 and coming close to his goal of throwing the election into the House of Representatives, where he had hoped to use his status as a power broker to end federal efforts at desegregation.  Four years later he was shot on the campaign trail while again seeking the Presidency, leaving him paralyzed for the remainder of his life.

He later renounced his segregationist views and served two more terms as Alabama's Governor, leaving office in 1987. The Drugmonkey caught up with Wallace in the fouth level of hell, where he has resided since his death in 1998.

DM- Thank you for taking the time to speak with me Governor Wallace, I'm sure you're a busy man.

Wallace- EEEYYYAAAGAGAHHHHHH!!!!! THE POWER OF BEEZEBUB IS UNQUESTIONED!!!! WHHOOOOOGGGHHHHH!!!... I'm sorry about that son, demons and all down here, I'm sure you understand.

DM- Certainly. I wonder if you've had much of a chance to stay in touch with what's happening in American politics during your time in hell.

W- Oh absolutely. I dedicated my life on planet earth to the art of politics and they've been kind enough here to allow me to keep up in between burnings of my naked body in boiling oil.

DM- So naturally my first question is your reaction to the election of President Obama.

W- It's hard to believe isn't it? "I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy, I mean, that's a storybook, man. I think his success comes, in part, from his light-skinned appearance and speaking patterns with no Negro dialect, unless he wants to have one."*

DM- It almost seems like the modern "Tea Party" movement has taken a few pages from the old Wallace Presidential playbook.

W- Son, there's nothing modern about those Tea Partiers. Talk of the 10th Amendment and states rights? Racist fear-based demagoguery manipulating the white working class? Setting up the federal government as a bogyman punching bag? My God I was doing all that almost 50 years ago. The main difference is in my day all we had was the Jew-controlled, Communist-lovin' media. If I woulda had me Sean Hannity and those boys over at Fox News, let me tell you I would have been wrapping up my second term in the White House right in time for the bicentennial.

Please excuse the swarm of locusts that just came from my eyes.

DM- Did you ever see the assassination attempt that left you in constant pain for the last 26 years of your life as the work of Karma?

W- What? No, the boy that shot me's name was Bremer

DM- Yes, but maybe that it was part of a larger cosmic force set in motion by some of the things you'd done in politics?

W- No, that boy was just crazy, they found his dairy, and he said he was just looking to be famous. He was either gonna shoot me or Nixon.

DM- I see. Governor, why do you think you ended up down here, even after you renounced your segregationist views and said of your stand in the schoolhouse door, "I was wrong. Those days are over and they ought to be over."

W- I've thought about that son, and you know, it's easy to look back and do the right thing. The apology of a broken old man doesn't count for a whole lot. When it mattered, I was worse than silent. I rode a river of hate because I thought it would make me a great man, but what I became was a piece of dirt in the dustbin of history. Now all I am is a lesson. To those who choose to listen.

Wallace then cried tears of fire, which seared the flesh of his face.

Racist Governor, 1963
Racist Governor, 2010
*This quote is a combination of things actually said by Joe Biden and Harry Reid 


Katie said...

You are made of awesome with a side of awesomesauce, DM.

Pharmd Biker said...

growing up in California gave me some very unique experiences. I had friends of all backgrounds, races, economic living, etc... Never bothered me one bit. still doesn't. I even did a study abroad in Guatemala to learn Spanish and made many lifetime friends.

What makes me sad, is that government has kicked this can down the road so much that now that states are feeling budget, economic problems, crime, etc... they resort to making laws like this. how sad. no politician wants to take a side because they love their power and want to keep their seat. other politicians/political groups want certain things gambling that it will increase their voter base tremendously.

We are a country of laws. why can we not come up with a solution that works? I remember the outcry after 911, when many political figures criticized the administration for not "doing enough" to secure our borders (still isn't done) and act on information they had (which is a discussion in itself).

I would agree that immigration laws need to be looked at, and even modified. This would be a great start. I found this link- http://www.mexicolaw.com/LawInfo10.htm interesting read.

Anonymous said...

I didn't realize trying to enforce state and federal law makes someone racist. I guess if I was here illegally I wouldn't want to leave either, with all the benefites of being here, ie: welfare, healthcare, foodstamps.....

Pharmacy Mike said...

What makes someone a racist is passing a law that encourages police to stop any "suspicious" looking person and demand to see their proof of citizenship. By suspicious, they of course mean "not white."

I love how in this country, we care sooooo much about poor non-white people possibly getting a few thousand dollars per year in government aid so that they can work the shitty jobs that no one else wants and live in poverty. However, when it comes to rich white people that run giant corporations that pay off politicians and sidestep any law that gets in the way of making obscene profits even at the expense of the American people, we argue that it's just the free market at work.

Poor illegal immigrants are not one of the major problems in this country. A far bigger problem is this HUGE gap between the rich of the poor and the errosion of the middle class. When 5% of the population own 95% of the nation's wealth, we have a serious problem. Illegal immigrants scrape from the bottom and live, for the most part, poor lives. The corporations take a giant chunk illegally off the top... but according to a lot of people that's ok.

Want to know why? It's a whole lot easier to push around poor brown people that speak English with an accent than it is to push around the rich white people that own everything.

DrugMonkey, Master of Pharmacy said...

Anonymous 10:40,

You didn't? Really? Well it was a damn good thing you wrote in then. Let's take this opportunity to educate you a little bit.

Let's say the good people of California elect a Latino as their governor, something that will most assuredly happen during my lifetime, and this Latino governor decides he's tired of cranky-ass middle-aged wrinkly white teabaggers doing thinks like walking around in public with firearms strapped to themselves. Let's say at some point one of the teabaggers gets in an argument with someone and shoots them, and it turns out he had illegally modified his weapon to make it fully automatic. This may cause an outcry amongst the public, yes?

Now the Latino governor pushes through a law authorizing any law-enforcement official to stop any gun-toting person at any time and check to see if his firearm has been modified to make it illegally fully automatic. The Governor is "just enforcing the law" but in reality, he just has a chip on his shoulder against cranky-ass white people, and is using this whole incident as an opportunity to harass them.

Do you see it now?

Now I want you to imagine the outcry amongst the cranky-asses if this ever really happened. Holy mother of mercy there would be a riot the likes of which would make the burning of Detroit look like....well....a tea party...:)

Glad I could help you out anonymous one. Now make me proud. Go forth and use your new knowledge to better yourself.

Because you definitely need bettered my friend.

was1 said...

I've always suspected that you have open access to hell and its inhabitants. Thanks for confirming that.

By the way, how's Robert Johnson doing?

DrugMonkey, Master of Pharmacy said...

Funny you should mention Johnson, as Satan actually sent him to stand in the pearly gates when Wallace died to block his entry....:)

Guzzo said...

I couldn't disagree with you more.

Anonymous said...

I am just wondering how many people have actually read the bill, and how many are reacting to media hype. In case you are indeed forming opinions from the media hype, take a little time to read the bill:


shy. said...


I've always wanted these crayons.

midwest woman said...

anon 10:40 no one sees a bill being passed to penalize the major agricultural and meat companies for bringing in these people for cheap labor...rent Food Inc...ps read your history books...we would used to be the illegal aliens when Texas was part of Mexcio and Mexico didn't want no stinkin' gringos in their country.
Remeber the Alamo!

Anonymous said...

One of the first things that Hitler and his buddies did when they defined their authority to do so, was to enact laws for themselves that allowed the SS to stop and detain anyone for one of their reasons for suspicion. So, it was all legal and such, dear Anonymous.

There is much to think that the only way that people such as Wallace, Palin, et al can so eloquently espouse their amoral beliefs is to define humans differently causing mayhem, uncertainty and polarizing the electorate.

Much in the same way that Medco, CVS/Caremark can set up legal economic immorality of monopolies in providing necessary, but expensive medications.

For example, at $15,000/vial for treprostinil injection for pulmonary hypertension manufactured in the US by Baxter Pharmaceutical Solutions of
Bloomington, Indiana is available for 'home infusion only' but if the patient is transferred in-hospital cannot use his supply of medication. Purchasing a separate supply for the patient would break the budget for a small county hospital where a patient might be transferred, because the hospital is 'required' to purchase the drug from one of only three 'companies'
'handling' the drug in the US, and guess what companies they might be? One is a 'specialty pharmacy' which puts the drug in a CADD pump which any pharmacist with access to an approved hood can do, another is the United Therapeutics which by the way failed to obtain European approval for the drug due to irregularities in the research, and the third is CVS/Caremark.) As a staff pharmacist at the little county hospital, this is bogus and a very cozy set-up for patients receiving prescription drug benefits under Medicare, NOT under Mr. Obama's administration.

Katie said...



Goin' to Arizona Blues said...

@DM Master of Pharmacy:

"Let's say the good people of California elect a Latino as their governor"

- George Lopez, maybe?

"teabaggers doing thinks like walking around in public with firearms strapped to themselves"

- that teabagger firearm on the outside shtick really pisses me off! I think law enforcement should check out any douchebag walking around with an unconcealed weapon - to see if it's legally registered (teabaggers and 2nd Amendment mis-interpreters are going apeshit, right about now), as well as if it's illegally modified.

And lastly, and I know I'm going to take a lot of shit for this one, so please, don't hurt me too bad....

That whole Robert Johnson selling his soul to the devil at the cross-roads so that he could be a stellar genius of the blues on the guitar...I've listened to Robert Johnson extensively (since he is so highly hyped), and I must say, in all honesty, that if Robert Johnson make his pact with the devil, then Robert Johnson got SCREWED! He definitely got the short end of the stick and the shitty end of the deal.

Of course, that's just my subjective appraisal of Robert Johnson's musical skills. And a reflection of my refined musical tastes.

As I said, please don't hurt me too bad.

pillroller said...

we heard a rumor that Wallace and the "SS" boys are setting up new wing named "Scottsdale South" can you confirm?