The first thing we have to do is issue every gangster a set of white gloves. Maybe not every gangster, but as many as we can.
Hang with me until you see where I'm going here.
We also need to give them a pistol. We might have to go to ebay or something to find the right ones.
K, you ready? I'm kinda excited about this.
Duels. We bring back the concept of the duel. Norteños and Sureños facing off at 20 paces. One set at a time. We could make a few adjustments to fit in with the times of course. I think maybe the traditional glove slap to signal "game on" could be called "the bitch slap" for instance.
This may be my most awesome idea ever. The end of the innocent victim caught in the crossfire. Entertainment value. Teaching lessons to our nation's youth about how to resolve disputes like a man. Granted, the type of man who wore girly clothes and wigs, but it's definitely a step up in courage from shooting a few rounds into a house in the dark of night and then speeding away in a stolen Honda.
I mean, it was good enough for Alexander Hamilton, and he ended up on the ten dollar bill. From what I understand, many gang members like money. Perhaps the story of Alexander Hamilton could be the key to promoting this.
I really don't see any losers here. Except for maybe the guy who gets shot. Odds are pretty good this wouldn't be a change in how he would have died anyway though.
Think about this the next time you drop a ten.
9 comments:
Was Scotch a key element in the conception of this post, DM? Because it kind of feels like a Scotch-fueled post...
Fabulous idea.
Cuts down on innocent victims and number of bullets needed. Now, if the venue is also the cementary we can cut out the hearse as well! Line up clergy men/women and families in mourning-type clothes in the spectator seats. Cost savings all around.
Submit to governor immediately.
I always thought a good solution would be to give the gang-bangers firearms training and teach them to shoot accurately, so they'd be more likely to shoot each other rather than spray innocent bystanders with a hail of bullets. The cops could teach the douche-bags how to shoot -it could be a community outreach program.
I was hoping another new and relevant adaptation to West Side Story was coming out soon.
Awesome idea!
A few years ago China had a big raid on the gangs, Rhey took them to a stadium and had a mass execution.
It's hard to duel while you're holding your gat sideways.
It has to be a single-elimination tournament. Then we prosecute the winning muthafukkah...
For years I have advocated solving Chicago's gang problem by dumping a huge pile of loaded firearms in the center of Soldier Field and locking them all in there for 24 hours. Whoever comes out, runs the criminal business in Chicago.
Post a Comment