Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I Was Going To Write Today About How UPS Went Out Of Business.

.......but the people at the blog review site iwillfuckingtearyouapart seem to think I'm turning into a one-trick health care reform pony of late, and they might have a point. So if you used the Post Office today to send or receive mail I'll leave it to you to figure out the gist of what I was going to say about the public health insurance option. I'll also point out that far from going out of business, UPS, which competes with the Post Office, made a $3 billion profit last year.

This post isn't about the public health insurance option though. This post is about me giving you something. I'd like to give you my right to marry. Seriously. I doubt I'm gonna need it again. I already exercised it once a long time ago on what seems like another planet with a woman I knew I didn't love and ripped it and her to shreds. Screwed it up so much that short of wiping my ass with the marriage license I'm not sure what else I could have done to disrespect the institution more. We don't need to get into the details here, yet me, Elizabeth Taylor, and Britney Spears are all free to make another legally binding "lifetime" commitment any time we'd like. On a total whim if we want. And I'll bet you two of the three of us will take advantage of that again before we're dead. Not me though. I don't deserve the right, and cannot get rid of it, and if you're gay or lesbian, no matter how hard you've fought or how deeply you have loved to this point, you most likely do not have the right.

I'm not the only one who sees something wrong with this picture I hope.

So if you're some big shot, smarty-pants lawyer and you can figure out a way to transfer my abused and unwanted right to someone who will treasure it, and their partner, the way rights and partners should be treasured, let me know. I'll sign the consent forms. Short of that, you could lend some support to protectmaineequality.org, and light a candle against the darkness of those that would take away the right of marriage in one of the few places where loving gay and lesbian couples currently have it.

They deserve it more than I do, and the fact I put "lifetime" in quotes up there and it didn't surprise a single one of you shows they deserve it more than most of the rest of society as well.

I'll be rooting for every gay and lesbian person in the state of Maine, and love, on Election Day.

14 comments:

pacalaga said...

Drugmonkey, you totally broke my heart, cuz I was going to marry you. Instead I'll just go add my name to the website you posted.

Penny said...

I have openly gay and lesbian family members and loved ones who have been in their respective relationships for decades. On New Year's Eve, my husband and I will celebrate our 26th anniversary, and we're still really happy and actually really like each other. I've been trying to think of the kindest way possible to tell my gay and lesbian loved ones that they clearly need to get with the damn program, because they've had over a quarter of a century to do it, and they still haven't destroyed my marriage. I wonder if I contacted James Dobson he might have some info they could use.

They're clearly doing something wrong, though. I mean, damn. Almost 26 years of being exposed to gays and lesbians loving their partners and my marriage is still going strong? Am I cursed to be surrounded by substandard, lacky gays? YEESH.

Anonymous said...

couldn't agree with you more...on both topics!

Mamasoo said...

Hi! Found you through AAYSR. Great blog- I'll be following!

I know a few couples who would love your right to marry proposal. My two dear lesbian friends have a better relationship than MANY of the hetero married couples I know.

Here I sit, married twice, and they can't get the same rights...

The Alert Reader said...

Never say never..... who knows, maybe the iPLEDGE womanbot is single :) I'll put in a good word for you if I ever see her around.

All joking aside, I can't wait til they legalize gay marriage. I also can't wait until my gay guy friends get married. I bet the ceremonies would be FABULOUS. :D

Jessica said...

You. Totally. Rock.

I live in MA, which has not, despite the predictions, imploded in upon itself with the adoption of gay marriage. In fact, we rank pretty highly in the "married and stays married" category, much better than the Bible Belt states.

You're awesome. Hell, now I kind of want to marry you. ;)

A'mee said...

While you're at it, remind everyone in Washington state to APPROVE REF-71!!!!!!!!!!

Amy said...

Hmmm....I can't open the Protect Maine Equality website. I think it's the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy at work. I'll try again tomorrow.

JohnnyB said...

I also saw your blog review on AAYSR. Good, entertaining writing. All you need to do is stop caring about shit like healthcare and it will be perfect ;-)

Anonymous said...

I live in Massachusetts and I a lesbian married to my wife, for 5 years. Thanks so much for your positive words and support of the fight in Maine.

warmchocmilk said...

congrats on the good review :)

hope said...

I would be happy to contribute my 'right' to marry to a gay couple. I can no longer understand why I ever thought marriage was a good idea, but more power to those who still do.

Hey, could we SELL this? Ooooo! No more dispensing!

I am very happy with my little dog and my overly demanding job.

Anonymous said...

Well, Maine has proven that their citizenry values genitalia (and the correct combination thereof) over the pansy-ass concept of love. I hope they institute a policy where brides and grooms are required to drop their pants and prove they're not gays in drag at the altar before they get their marriage license.

The Alert Reader said...

Someone beat you to the punch:

To protest New York’s recent rejection of equal rights for all its tax-paying citizens, Jamie Frevele decided to put her own right to marry on the auction block:

I’m an unmarried heterosexual woman, and since I probably won’t be using my right to get married, I would like to give it away. I would like to sell it to the highest bidder and donate the proceeds to an organization that supports LGBT rights since the government designed to protect all of us is picking and choosing based on what they think is icky, weird, or unknown to them.

More: http://joemygod.blogspot.com/2009/12/straight-new-york-woman-auctions-her.html