Bush Finishes Third In Nobel War Prize Voting.

OSLO, Norway- (Drugmonkey News Service) In the second extraordinary Nobel development involving an American president in less than a week, The Nobel War Prize was awarded not to former president George W. Bush, but will be shared jointly by his nemesis, Osama Bin Ladin and Afganistan's Taliban.

Bush, who started two wars during his first three years in office, was widely expected to win the prize for his efforts to tie the conflict in Iraq with the events of 9/11. Iraq is almost a thousand miles from the base of operations of the terrorists who attacked the United States on that day, and none of the attackers were from that country. Nevertheless, Bush was able to convince a public with unfettered access to these facts that the war was an appropriate response due to a fictional Iraqi "weapons of mass destruction" program.

"While the use of propaganda to scare a gullible population into acquiescing to a senseless, pointless, conflict at the cost of over half a million lives is to be admired" Nobel War Prize committee chairman Charles Taylor said in a statement issued from the United Nations prison in The Hauge, where is is currently standing trial for crimes against humanity, "the fact remains that relatively speaking, Bush's opponents in his 'forgotten war' were far more successful at the art of warfare, given the huge gap in training and resources available to them. In the end, I think I can speak for the whole Nobel committee when I say regarding Mr. Bush, 'an "A" for effort, but close only counts in nuclear war"

Neither Mr. Bin Laden nor Mr. Bush, whose father won the Nobel War Prize in 1991, responded to repeated requests for comment. A spokesman for the Taliban cut off the hand of a reporter who reached him in an undisclosed cave in Pakistan's Frontier Province.

Coming in second in this years voting was Vladimir Putin of Russia, whose conflict with the former Soviet Republic of Georgia in 2008 "showed that in this age of war waged ostensibly for grandiose, vague causes, a good old fashioned land dispute could still start the bullets flying"