Sunday, April 19, 2009

I Think The Last Part Of Me Died This Weekend.

It's been happening bit by bit for the last 17 years. With every prior auth, with every "that's not what I paid last time", with every "where are the....tubes.....you know....that you put under your car....?", a little bit of me has passed into the great beyond. But when I told the nice lady customer that it would be about 20 t0 30 minutes to get her prescription filled and she responded by asking, 

"So when can I pick it up?"

I felt the last part of me go. Dying isn't nearly as negative of an experience as we've been led to believe. I felt myself being pulled upwards. Soon I was floating, up towards the pale fluorescent glow tubes ubiquitous in any large scale commercial retail setting, up towards a world where babies don't spit up and puppies don't have accidents on the floor. There's no food after you die. Which sucks if you appreciate a good ribeye the way I do, but the trade off for an existence minus any vomit or poop makes it worthwhile I think. I looked down and saw a little old grinning man. He was approaching the pharmacy......slowly......slowly....grinning and hobbling....waving a card as he inched towards the counter. 

I continued upwards. Past the glow tubes and towards a rainbow. Not a rainbow that shines off a pot of gold, as there is no need for gold after you die. And not a CVS rainbow either. Witnessing the CVS rainbow was in and of itself cause for a couple pieces of me to die awhile back. My rainbow was beautiful. I was at peace. 

"DRUGMONKEY LINE ONE!!!" snapped me out of it. It took me a second to get my bearings. The old man was in front of me now. Still grinning, and waving his card for Mucinex-D in front of my face. My keystone tech must have given me CPR. Bitch. I'll have my revenge, even though I'm sure she thought she was doing the right thing. 

Or else I'm some sort of zombie now. Which would be kinda cool really. Does that mean I have to eat brains? I don't think I've ever had brains before. What about mad cow disease? 

Wait. I'm already dead. I forgot. I guess I'll have to start worrying about the contents of my GI tract and disposing of them properly again. I wonder what poop made out of brains looks like?  

14 comments:

The PharmD Student said...

Just don't go to New Guinea and start eating brains, you might get that nasty Kuru disease.

Anonymous said...

Actual Conversation today:

Customer: So, I'll take the second pill 12 hours later?
Pharmacist: Yes
Customer: What time will that be?
Pharmacist: well...its 4:30 now...

*yes, this is why we burn out and feel like retail would save us.

Anonymous said...

that should say, "feel like retail DEATH would save us"

Sorry!!

Nana Jackie said...

This just affirms I made the right decision, although hospital practice has its soul-killing moments as well. Like the time a young nurse called down and asked if there were still 1000 mg in a gram. STILL. Well, at least she asked.
Too bad you don't have parenteral products in your poll. Ceftazidime (cat spray), acetylcysteine (skunk spray), and intralipids (wet dog with a GI problem) would blow all those oral solids off the counter. I voted for the Armour thyroid, but have you had a whiff of Lovaza lately?

samsm said...

You know when a mechanic says, "it'll take 30 minutes to install that belt, but we're backed up so we won't be able to get to it for 6 hours."?

Sometimes people do that without mentioning the 6 hours. That's why I ask an annoying but unambiguous extra question to the tune of, "when are we completely done?"

I don't know, maybe that improves your view of humanity, or maybe it proves that I'm one of the morons.

Rev. T. Monkey said...

It could be worse, DrugMonkey. I used to be a bookseller, and I actually had a costumer ask me how many pages were in a particular book. After I demonstrated my special bookseller powers by flipping to the last page and pointing at the final page number, the costumer handed me the next book and said, "how about this one?"

I still wonder if that customer thought we charged for books by the page.

Anonymous said...

sams,

Yeah but no one comes back in 10min asking if they fixed that belt yet, or if the pizza they were told 30min on is done yet...why do pharmacists get less respect than the mechanic or pizza guy?

Anonymous said...

Rev Monkey---your story is a perfect exmple of why my new career will NOT involve people at all! I thought escaping retail would be enough but I have come to realize ANY interaction with people is BAD! What's that leave me with? I am really leaning towards picking up trash in the park--but it has to be during the hours the park is closed! 4 more years til freedom.....I've been at it 18 years---I think I died a LONG time ago.

Anonymous said...

Congrats on the writing check---promise you'll never leave us though!! I'll pay for it just don't leave us!

Anonymous said...

Nana Jackie's tale of the "young nurse (who) called down and asked if there were still 1000 mg in a gram."
is the funniest thing I've read on your blog so far (with all due respect to you, DrugMonkey).

Oh, and Jackie, thanks for pointing out the odeur of Lovaza...I've been taking it for a month and never noticed the stench. SO...after reading your comment, I just had to stick my nose into the bottle and take a good whiff. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Anonymous said...

Tonight I got told (read: bitched at) by a customer (I'm guessing she's an LPN or something) that it was ILLEGAL to put "Take as directed" on a label. We had to do an incident report because she threatened legal action. FML.

Anonymous said...

I hate the lack of respect we get, the anon poster hit it on the head. If people are in a restaurant and are told, it'll be a 40 min wait, they dont mind, if a mechanic says, you can pick it up in 12 hours, they dont mind. But if we say it will be more than 15 mins for a script, we get called slow, useless, the patient stands at the counter staring at us huffing and puffing. We have 1 lady, she has about 25 items on her prescription, when we tell her there will be a wait, she stands there by the counter looking at her watch. When we then tell following customers there will be an additional wait, she says to every one about how slow we are, despite it being her script holding us up.

LaLa said...

Not a pharmacist, just someone that stumbled over your blog and stayed for the entertainment...

I very much respect pharmacists and the techs, (more than my doctors when it comes to the meds) and treat them with the respect they deserve. I am so very sorry you and other pharmacists are treated like crap on a daily basis. You have to wonder what ever happened to basic courtesy, to say nothing of the level of intelligence that is out there now. ;)

I stopped in to get a script refilled (and thanked them when they said they could fill it right then, but told them that I could get it over the next few days if they were busy) and also stopped a woman from asking them where the pain relievers were located as I had just walked past them (so I told her), and when they had my meds, I thanked them again and told them I really did appreciate the work they do...

Anonymous said...

I hate it when I say "Thank you your rx will be ready in 20 min", then they sit there with a dumbass look on thier face and ask is that it. Yes dumbass!

I also get, "what am I suppose to do for 20 min." I don't care what you for the next 20 min just don't stand at my window watching.

Or my favorite "way so long" I wish I could had the rx back to them and tell them the golden arches are two lights down. btw my pharmacy can fill upward to 900 rxs on a monday. Yes it's a chain, Walgreens.