It's A War Of The Corporate Cocksuckers At Walgreens. Pull Up A Chair And Root For Lots Of Injuries.

Holy crap all hell is breaking loose at the Pharmacy America Trusts For Some Reason. Chaos in the corporate suites, anarchy in the executive ranks, a food fight in the corridors of power.

This afternoon though, I sat on hold with my local Walgreens for about 45 minutes with no human contact, which means it's pretty much business as usual at store level.

Alert readers of this blog may remember my poking fun at two Walgreens executives who were given the boot, along with a generous severance package, after apparently making a billion dollar profit projection error.

However it now seems that one of those executives, former Chief Financial Officer Wade Miquelon, takes exception to the term "error," when applied to him.

The lawsuit, filed on Oct. 16, was in response to allegedly false and defamatory statements about Miquelon, including that he was responsible for a $1.1 billion forecasting error. Miquelon says Walgreen CEO Gregory Wasson and Alliance Boots chairman Stefano Pessina made the statements during meetings with investors between Aug. 5 and Aug. 8. The Wall Street Journal... reported that Walgreen directors told the investors that they had no idea the forecasting change was coming.

   Walgreens CEO Gregory Wasson, addressing the media from a fort he made of apples. "Ain't no doctor gonna come within a mile of me."

Miquelon's probably gonna have to come up with some evidence that this billion dollar forecasting screwup wasn't all on him though. I don't envy him in that task. After all, he's going up against a very sophisticated titan of the business world, skilled in the ways of corporate culture and surely not likely to leave much help lying around for a lawyer trying to find proof that his client wasn't the only one involved.

 There are numerous other claims in the decidedly juicy lawsuit, such as that Wasson pressured Miquelon to forecast what the CFO thought was an entirely unreachable $6 earnings-per-share figure for fiscal year 2016. According to the court filing, on June 11 Wasson sent a text message to Miquelon that stated, “Let’s push for a 6 somehow.” Miquelon says he responded, “I don’t think there is any way we could ensure that,” to which he says Wasson replied, “No choice. Need a 6. We’ll find a way.”

D'OH! The dreaded Text message ploy! Whoever would have known such a thing would persist and have the ability to be recalled after it has been sent! Well played Mr. Miquelon, well played indeed. 

"I am sad. I wish I had more money. Also, that I had heard of Snapchat before right now."

One thing's for sure though, no matter where the facts take us, we can look forward to a thorough, fair hearing conducted on both sides by men of character and honor. 

 Miquelon’s lawsuit alleges that in a conference call on June 24, one activist hedge-fund investor told him that if he did not start “doing his job,” two other activist investors would “stop at nothing to get you out of the way, including getting personal dirt on you and embarrassing you publicly.

Wait. Forgot who I was talking about there for a second. Never mind. 

So, let's recap. Walgreens is off by a billion dollars or so on a recent profit projection, and promptly blames the Chief Financial Officer, who then leaves the company with a $4.7 million dollar check. Chief Financial Officer then says, "Oh no you don't! you were putting pressure on me to make that projection after I didn't want to, and now I'm going to sue you for a lot of money!" Which evidently $4.7 million doesn't qualify as. "See you in court bitch!"

And I didn't even get to the part where Miquelon claims he was promised the CEO job if he would just play ball. We could just be getting warmed up here my friends.

Reached for comment, a CVS spokesman issued a statement that read in part: BBBBBBWWWWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAHHHAAAA!!!!!!!!! THIS IS AWESOME!! Meanwhile, in Lima, Ohio, Walgreen's customer Larry Heisen said meekly, "I just wish they'd pick up the phone."