President Wankerhead Will Release A Budget Proposal For The Federal Government Monday, Prompting Joy For Reasons Other Than He'll Never Do It Again.
From this morning's New York Times:
In his new budget to be unveiled Monday, President Bush will call for large cuts in the growth of Medicare, far exceeding what he proposed last year, and he will again seek major savings in Medicaid, according to administration officials and budget documents.
Reached for comment in the lung of an elderly woman at Grady Memorial Hospital in Atlanta, Mycobacterium tuberculosis said "While on the surface the cut in health care funding for America's elderly and poor would seem to be a good thing, we have to remember that the conditions setting the stage for my comeback are not all financial. It is my sincere hope that the money my prey spends for health care will not only not cover the cost of inflation, but that Americans will never realize that they could actually spend less and be more effective in their genocidal campaign against my species by simply copying the health care system of Canada."
"Overall, I'd say the president's budget makes me cautiously optimistic" concluded the bacterium.
At its headquarters in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo, the Ebola virus issued an emotional, short statement:
"HUMANS DIE!!!!! said the virus through an interpreter. "ME FIND YOU! YOU MAKE JOB EASIER!!!!!"
Sources said Ebola was especially excited about the president's proposal to to reduce special Medicare payments to teaching hospitals by $23 billion dollars*
"THEY KNOW NOTHING OF ME NOW" said Ebola. "THEY NO WANT TO LEARN? ME KILL THEM!!!!!!"
Meanwhile, a spokesman for bird flu promised that if Bush's funding proposals were accepted by Congress, it would limit its effects only to those without good health insurance once it developed a way to cross the species barrier.
"We have our best viruses working on how to infect humans more effectively" said the spokesman. "But we are willing to spare the rich among you if you only give us a chance to taste sweet, sweet, human blood"
"You can trust the word of a bird flu virus" he concluded. What's in your wallet?
*You know the quotes are made up. The special cut in funding for teaching hospitals, however, is real.
1 comment:
I love it. You do have a way with words, and such a great sense of what is relevant.
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