Monday, October 29, 2012

My Nomination For Least Significant Study Ever.

WOONSOCKET, RI-  In research that covers ground long ago broken, drugstore operator CVS Caremark announced today that higher prescription prices result in fewer people buying prescriptions.

"A new survey of retail pharmacists revealed that cost remains a key barrier to medication adherence" says the opening line of a news story that I swear to God I am not making up.

The company commissioned IntelliQHealth to do an online survey of its retail pharmacists, which many experts say is a sign of the company's willingness to let the facts take them wherever the truth is to be found. Almost every Nobel prize in economics has been won by doing online surveys of your own employees.

More than 2,400 CVS retail pharmacists responded to the online survey, which is noteworthy not only for the earth shattering conclusion that people don't like to spend their hard-earned money, but also because it is believed to be the first time in the history of the company it has ever listened to the pharmacists it employs.

"They shouldn't get used to it" Larry Merlo, president and CEO of CVS said in an imaginary interview. "Our plan is to become known as a company that is willing to spend its time and resources to acquire a firm grasp of the obvious, which is far preferable to our current reputation as a company constantly under investigation."

Sure enough, at press time The U.S. Justice Department's civil fraud division has announced an investigation into whether instances of the company automatically enrolling customers into its readyfill refill program without their consent constitutes Medicare fraud.

"As cost continues to be a barrier to medication adherence, we need to find ways to help educate patients about their options," said Troyen A. Brennan, MD, executive vice president and chief medical officer of CVS Caremark, a company that would charge $49.59 for thirty paroxetine 20 mg tablets, a prescription that would cost $4 at a Target store.

Exactly what type of education would be required to convince a customer to plunk down $46 for the privilege of going to a friggin' CVS remains to be determined, but "we are determined to find out" Brennan didn't say. "because the alternative would be to lower our prices to the point where we are competitive with other pharmacies, which let's be honest here, is never going to happen."

"Money money money money money!!!!" concluded Brennan, before walking off mumbling something about whether round shopping cart wheels result in more purchases than square ones.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear DrugMonkey,

Is it okay if I am in love with you?

Sincerely,
(Happily) Former CVS employee

Barcroft said...

Used to work at CVS; wouldn't do it again.
Your post points out the typical CVS mentality: If the store is on fire, remind people how nice it is to have warmth in their lives.

Anonymous said...

Dear CVS,

It's embarrassing that the police had to threaten to fine us if we didn't close our store. Thanks for caring about the people who work in your stores while your safe at coming during a major hurricane.

Anonymous said...

Not that we approve of the $4 drug list either... But having such high prices doesn't make anything better.

PharmD Blogger said...

We have to get paid! Hahaha! We, as pharmacists, should be able to find a balance between the two prices. Pharmacists' and technicians' expertise should be paid for. Maybe $20 for our time and knowledge and $4 for the medication. We should be able to find a happy medium, right?

Unknown said...

^ Nice to know my time and knowledge is worth $20.

Anonymous said...

Nice that the comments at the LA Times lead back to this site! http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-lazarus-20121019,0,1491028.column
After reading the email from the DM in your previous blog post entitled Monday, October 22, 2012
In The Spirit Of Friendship And Cooperation, I Continue To Help A CVS Executive With A Vexing Problem.
This same MO of threatening the pharmacist with losing their jobs for not making some benchmark metric causes the pharmacist to do whatever it takes to save their job, and if that is enrolling them in readyfill to keep their job, so be it. It is pathetic to hear that after years of college and from such a large company. Perhaps this company needs to be taught a lesson?

bcmigal said...

Barcroft...you are a genius.

Olivier Bernard, pharmacist said...

Interestingly, I just obtained a 1 million dollar grant in order to confirm the results of this survey in Canada.

Anonymous said...

Maybe CVS is the new BIG Stupid, as Rite-Aid had that distinction previously. I would not work for CVS, the worst of the worst; they speak with a forked greedy tongue, and treat their pharmacists in a less than professional manner. Too bad they have so many stores and keep getting bigger. This cannot be a good thing for our profession!

Từ Thanh Giác said...

The CVS THINK TANK
THis New think thank of CVS will soon overshadow The Hoover Institute. Soon they will commission studies to find out if water flows downhill. Age old question like why did the chicken cross the road?
I suggest a study to find out if CVS management positions cause rapid onset of dementia.

Anonymous said...

The company must have spent all their money on this "study". A memo came out this week that since Thanksgiving is a paid holiday, staff are to be scheduled for only 32 hours of work (ie, each person must take an extra day off). So we will either have a floater or be short staffed. Why even call it a "paid" holiday when we must give up a day's pay in exchange?

Ms. Donna said...

As a former Woonsocket, RI resident, I am amazed and pleased that SOMEBODY belled this cat.