Wednesday, January 26, 2011

An Exciting Announcement. We May Witness The End Of Heart Disease In Our Time.

Because if Rite Aid has shown us anything over the last few years, it's that once they set their mind to accomplishing a task, nothing, absolutely nothing he said, will stop them. Like the way they've made their stock the most affordable of any of the major drug chains. "We decided in the late 90's that to expect the hard working families of America to pay over $45 for a share of stock, which is in reality nothing but a piece of paper, was just unfair." A company spokesman never said. "So we undertook a long term program to bring value to those who aspire to own a piece of our vision, and I'm proud to say that as of today, we have cut the price of that ownership by over 95 percent. I think all of us can take more than a little pride in a mission accomplished."

Now the company has taken that laser-like intensity and turned it on the nation's leading cause of death. Part of this press release is cut-and-pasted from the public relations newswire. Part of it is real only in the world that is my imagination. I'll trust you to know which is which.

Rite Aid Takes Aim at Heart Disease in Honor of American Heart Month

CAMP HILL, Pa.--(BUSINESS WIRE)-- Rite Aid, the nation’s third largest drugstore chain, is launching a national education and prevention campaign against heart disease in observation of American Heart Month in February. Stores nationwide are now selling $1 red paper dresses to benefit the American Heart Association’s Go Red For Women movement, reminding customers that they can get free advice and blood pressure readings, and distributing free "Roadmap to Healthy Heart" guides.

The paper dresses will be available at all of the stores cash registers, at least 70% of which are located right in front of large displays of cigarettes and various other forms of tobacco.

The educational components of Rite Aid's heart health program include:

A 12-page guide available in stores and online at that offers a "Roadmap to a Healthy Heart," including seven simple steps that can reduce heart disease and stroke. It also breaks down the numbers behind heart disease risk factors such as the so-called "good" or "bad" cholesterols and the "ugly" danger of triglycerides. Guides also discuss diet's role in heart health – including the average American's elevated salt intake.

The guides will most likely be placed close to the stores weekly advertising circular, which currently features cookies by Archway and Mrs. Fields, Planters whole cashews or mixed nuts, Storck bagged candy (excludes Sugar Free), and Rite Aid brand pretzels, cheese puffs or popcorn at the special price of a dollar a bag after $1.50 +up reward.

Assuming you can figure out what the hell a +up reward is.

"We think the time is right to make this important statement about how seriously we take the devastating impact heart attacks, stokes, and other forms of cardiovascular disease have on the lives of every American." Rite Aid President and CEO John Standley never said. "While the number one goal of any corporation is to turn a profit, it feels good to know that we can also dedicate ourselves to looking out for the health and well being of our customers."

"We'd like to think we do both equally as well."


Stavros69 said...

I often wonder is Rite Aid is the leading cause of heart attacks in Pharmacists.
It was my last job as pharmacist at Thrifty's (now Rite Aid) that I realized that I had to get out of the profession if I wanted to live. My health was restored and I lived a a wonderful exciting, productive and healthy life thanks to them making me so miserable that I quit.

midwest woman said...

Not unlike our hospital cafeteria. All the posters plastered on the walls recommending reducing salt, fat and sugar in our diet from the American Heart Association while our cafeteria is a cardiologists' wet dream with its dazzling array of fried salty foods, limp overcooked vegetables and the one lone apple who has seen better days.
And the 'special days" when if the staff has been"good". we get pizza and ice cream parties.
But then again I guess a veggie platter isn't a big motivator. Nothing promotes working harder than saturated fat excessive sugar and beaucoup salt.

Bluedahlia said...

You are talking about "good ol' American" food. You eat healthy, you are a commie-socialist-fascist- American hater. Just sayin'. Personally I eat my cheetos and drink my coke while wrapped in my American flag and carrying my bible. Never know when I'll need to proselytize! ;p

TheAngryPharmacist said...

Does the $1 donation come with 10 shares of Rite-Aid stock as well?