I Resort To Theft For Content. As I Am Both Too Lazy And Too Drunk At The Moment To Do Original Work. I Think I Stole Well, However.

A day in the life of a Pharmaceutical Sales Rep
Author unknown

WEEK ONE – I can’t believe that right out of college a Fortune 500 company has hired me! My major in Biology and Minor in Elizabethan Poetry sure must have helped. I think the fact that I was the head cheerleader in college proved my abundance of team spirit. To be making $50,000 a year at age 23 isn’t too shabby. And I get a new car too!

WEEK TWO - My bosses seem real nice. I haven’t met anyone else out in the field yet. Got a lot of information to study before training starts. There is a lot to know about hypertension, I tell you that. It is so interesting to learn how each mechanism of our drug works. I wonder why they even need sales reps when it is obvious that our ACE inhibitor is the best. The information they have given me to look at shoes how it is so superior to the competitors. This job is going to be a piece of cake! I bet the doctors are going to love seeing me come their way.

WEEK FOUR – Boy, those tests were hard but I passed all of them. Going to Florida for a big company meeting. This is awesome. A free trip to Orlando. Theme parks. Meeting other reps from around the country. There are a lot of other drug reps that were cheerleaders. That’s weird.

WEEK FIVE – The meetings were inspiring! There were thousands of us chanting our company name! The lectures on our products just proved I picked the best team to join. There is no question we possess the most effective and unique products available. I can see myself working for this company forever. Nothing is going to stop me from climbing their ladder into a higher administrative level.

WEEK SEVEN – Another field rep had me shadow him for a day. He seemed a little down when I met him, however he seemed to perk up once he saw me. I am sure it is a pick-me-up for him to mentor someone new. He kept asking me why I would pick this job. Then he asked if I could handle personal rejection. Of course I can handle personal rejection. I remember when I didn’t get picked for junior prom queen, I cried for weeks but I eventually got over it and became stronger in the long run. Most of our day was spent on the road talking or trying to get in to different medical offices. We only got to meet two doctors. Boy, were they in a rush. I don’t think the field rep did a very good job. Our product is so good, he needs to get right in those doctors faces! I can’t wait until it is my turn.

WEEK EIGHT – First day by myself. Met Dr. Smith. He must be stressed because he cut me off in the middle of my sentence and walked away. He must have forgotten I was there because he never came back. Dr. Johnson was just the opposite. It was great. It seemed he wouldn’t stop talking tome. In fact, he wanted to meet me for dinner to just talk about my drug. What was really funny is that he forgot what drug I was selling, but promised he would write it no matter what it was. I am one hell of a salesperson!

MONTH THREE – I am not sure why some doctors won’t even meet with me. Tjey want some samples but that is all. Had lunch with a group of internists. They didn’t even show up and I spent $200 on lunch for their staff. They weren’t even that thankful either. That was kind of rude.

MONTH FOUR – Still having trouble getting in to see some doctors. Dr. Ryan told me off and was extremely irritable. He said I was too forceful. I sat in my car and cried for a half an hour. I know I can do better at this. I think our drug is pretty good. I just need to be more assertive

MONTH FIVE – Rode with my boss who watched my every move. I was really nervous. Still couldn’t get into some offices. What was worse was that my boss kept interrupting me like he was making the sale himself. Listen, buddy, if you want my job you can have it. When he left I cried for fifteen minutes.

MONTH SIX – Had another dinner program for doctors. Only a few showed up. The speaker wanted his money right then and there like I was the one who was paying him out of my own account. Then the mother f$%^r started talking positively about our competitors! Whore.

MONTH SEVEN – The marketing people wanted us to have a “birthday party” for our ACE inhibitor. It has been on the market for three years now and they recommend we use the birthday hats and napkins that they gave us. It has our logo and drug name on it. They said the doctors would love it. Who the f$%^& do they think they’re kidding? As if I am going to get the few doctors that even give me the time of day to light candles and wear hats because our lousy “me too” drug is three years old and selling like sh*%? Do these marketing people even know what’s going on out in the real world?

MONTH EIGHT – Dr. Smith, who was so rude to me. Wants to know if I have any baseball tickets to the upcoming series. I wonder if the phrase “kiss my ass” means anything to him. Saw Dr. Johnson recently. After the “episode” which occurred at our last dinner, I have purposely stayed away from him. The restraining order still remains. He needs to get a life.

MONTH NINE – Went back to our bulls&%# meeting in Florida again. Who are they fooling with this AMWAY crap? This is all cult worship anyway. In fact, I’d rather drink Kool-Aid laced with cyanide than sell this piece of s&%$ drug. We met in small groups and they tried to teach us new points that would persuade any doctor to use our drug. Talk about a circle jerk. Got drunk most nights I was down there.

MONTH TEN – The company is getting on my case more and more. They want to know what I am doing every minute of every day. They want signatures. They want programs. They want my first born.. My boss is a prick and if he interrupts me one more time I’m going to kick him in his balls.

MONTH ELEVEN – Slept with Dr. Johnson. Fu&$ it, I needed the numbers. I am also giving away stocking stuffers of goodies to any doctor that will write my loser medication. Whatever it takes to make bonus. Dr. Flock again tells me he is writing my drug. What a f%&$ing liar. We buy the prescription numbers right from the pharmacy so I know what his numbers actually are and this guy bulls%ts me right to my face. I think he wants to sleep with me.

MONTH TWELVE – Slept with my boss. I needed to keep him off my case. One more dinner program and I will put the cyanide in the doctors’ drinks myself. Every time I get new marketing material, I throw it right out in the trash. Our company sucks. I know I hit all the numbers but they changed the threshold at the last minute and screwed me out of my bonus.

MONTH THIRTEEN – This job sucks. If I see another pompous physician I will kick him right in the balls like I did my boss. I will die before I ever feed a bunch of overweight and ungrateful staff members again. Told my boss to go screw himself of screw Dr. Johnson and leave me the f&*$ alone. Threw my keys to the generic minivan at him and walked away with my pride. Never again will I work for a pharmaceutical company.

MONTH FIFTEEN – Took a job at our rival. They got some new stuff in the pipeline. The money is even better than my old company. Called Dr. Johnson and will meet him Tuesday night for dinner.