Saturday, August 11, 2007

Fun With Google Search Terms, Part 2

A few of the phrases typed into the mother of all search engines that led travelers on the information superhighway to the rest stop where you find yourself at this very moment. I swear I have not changed a word:

I hate Ford

I hate Paul Harvey

I hate my employer

I hate Walgreens

i hate you! go away blogspot

I HATE YOU

"drugnazi" "drugmonkey" "perfect skin" (this was typed in twice over the last month. I can't help but wonder if the perfect skin lady still might be carrying a torch for me)

Toilet that Oprah loves

vietnamese bun columbus ohio

top retarded adult resorts dominican republic

turkey baster full of sperm

lesbians and turkey basters

leave me alone

urinate out window world of warcraft

urinary tract infections and jet skis

anal bleaching kit buy

But my favorite.....by far my favorite...search phrase that someone typed into Google to get to my little blog garden is this:

"i got my hydrocodone filled on July 17th. When can I get it refilled?"


Someone actually typed that in a search engine expecting to get an answer. What they got instead was my blog.

Tell you what, I feel bad for the anonymous hydrocodone seeker, and I'm in generous mood. So like a magician who gives away the secret to his tricks, tonight I will give away the secret formula that determines when a hydrocodone prescription can be filled. Ready? Here goes:

a=(0.345x-@3^908/3.141)p~o/wagsux(rad69maryceomilf*cvs7865#bites

OK I'm bullshitting you. The real formula is a little easier.

1) Look at your label

2) Follow the directions

3) When your bottle is empty, it may be refilled, assuming you followed step 2

This post alone may cut the number of calls I get at the store by 25%. Bring on the scotch.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have a feeling the perfect skin lady might have been onto something.

Anonymous said...

"drugnazi" "drugmonkey" "perfect skin"

Twas I. My friend wanted to know what you looked like. I said I didn't know, but that you had perfect skin. She wanted proof.

Ren said...

this is absolutely great, since my restoril nor the xanax (all legit, well legal anyway) is doing a damn thing to tire me, I found your blog and it's funnier than hell. yes, i'm sure that you see and deal with a lot of shit, i work w/animals-they tend to bitch a LOT less and I know they don't have any fucking health plan or constraints I have to deal with-other than to give them the best care. you rock, don't know exactly where you are-but things must be great in that parallel universe. just wondering, what happens to the meds that fall on the floor, is the 3 second rule still in effect or do you "write them off?" just curious in the steamy, swampy state of florida-but don't hold that against me. just sign me a drugstore cowgirl or pharmer-depending on who you ask.

jess said...

Here's some of the search terms that send people to my blog:

m515 dilaudid

prescriptions,filled, rozerem, by telephone

rozerem linen spray

2a3d53e8d92807ab67ce1676c4e2ec66

burroughs dilaudid

Mother Jones RN said...

I bet your blog would pop up if I googled, "Hot pharmacist with a wicked sense of humor."

MJ

Anonymous said...

i would expect more calls to your store cvs 7865