Yeah, So, Like I Said, There's No Way Sarah Palin Could Have Faked Her Pregnancy.

Turns out the face of the American Taliban still has a daughter that is a shining example of what to expect when you think not giving kids condoms means that they'll never have sex, just not quite in the way the story looked to be gelling last night:

ST. PAUL, Minn. - John McCain's running mate Sarah Palin, said Monday her 17-year-old unmarried daughter is five months pregnant, an announcement stealing even more thunder from McCain and a Republican presidential convention already overshadowed by Hurricane Gustav.

Adding to the day's drama, McCain aides said the announcement was aimed at rebutting Internet rumors that Palin's youngest son, born in April, was actually her daughter's.

Good thing baby daddy was just packing some sperm, and not some herpes, or you know, the HIV.

At any rate, lesson learned. Drugmonkey keeps his mouth shut from now on until the whole story is in. If only others could learn about Trojans so easily....

Sarah Palin Update. She Might Or Might Not Be A Liar, But She Definitely Has The Eye Of Her Boss.

So, I was a little squishy with this, because I didn't want to be on the same level as the vermin who spread rumors obviously untrue about John McCain's little brown baby or Barack Obama being a Muslim. But this one isn't obviously untrue. It's been burning up the blogosphere, and as far as I can tell there haven't been any denials as of yet of something that could be easily proven wrong. Here you go:

There is some doubt as to who is the mother of Trig Palin, Sarah Palin's youngest "son." It seems as if Sarah might actually be Trig's grandmother, and is lying to cover for her 16 year old daughter.

Nothing's been proven yet, but I've been on the case all day, and I'm calling it. Sarah ain't the kid's Mom. (Update, she is. I called it as well as Tom Brokaw called Florida in 2000.) Go here and see what happens when your sex-ed policy consists of nothing but "just say no"

On a lighter note, I think we may have the real reason someone with such a thin resume' managed to get John McCain's attention, via Daily Kos:

John McCain Knows You Pretty Little Ladies Are Just Too Busy To Realize There's A Difference Between Hillary And A Right Wing Lunatic In A Dress.

A right wing lunatic who has been governor of a state with fewer people than Columbus, Ohio for less than 2 years. My God if I had a vagina I would be so insulted. That was my first thought.

I mean, Sarah Palin opposes abortion even in cases of rape or incest. Just like Hillary!

Wait. Maybe not just like Hillary. Actually the exact opposite of Hillary. If Sarah Palin were ever in a position where she could exert real political power, unlike, say, governor of Alaska, she would pretty much undo everything Hillary Clinton has spent her life working for. But she does have a vagina, which John McCain thinks is all that matters to you chicks out there. What a cynical, contemptuous, middle finger John McCain just threw to everyone who worked so hard to bring down the good 'ol boy power structure that ruled this country for so long. That was my first thought.

My second thought was that it was a brilliant move. If his only motive was to win an election.

You see, Barack Obama has been running for president for almost 2 years, John McCain since 1999. Meaning that if you don't know who these two are by now, you are by definition a numbnut. That's who the campaigns have to focus on now. Feeble-minded, jelly brained, wishy washy numbnut sheep incapable of making a decision and unaware that Hilary Clinton and Sarah Palin are polar political opposites. People who will cast their vote for president based on things like how long a candidate kisses his wife or how goofy he looks in a wind surfing outfit. There are many more of these sheeple out there than most of us realize, and they hold the fate of our country in their hands between now and November. The first act of pandering to them has been the nomination of the Republican Vice-Presidential candidate.

I'm going to go hide now.

So I Was Being Nice To A Fat Chick Today.

I don't know why. Needed to shake things up a bit I suppose. Break out of the old routine. It gets a little old just being nice to the hot chicks all the time.

Or it might have been a flashback to the fen-phen era. Ohio had a weird law at the time that said any prescriptions for weight loss meds could not be written for more than a two weeks supply. This meant I had a constant parade of fat chicks gradually turning into skinny chicks at my counter for the better part of a couple years or so, and as time went on, I came to regret not being nicer to some of these women when they were fat. Oh well, there's nothing nearly as effective as fen-phen on the market today, so it was a lesson that really didn't have to be remembered. So it was either out of boredom or out of nostalgia that I was being nice to the fat chick today, I'm not sure which.

Here's the unbelievable thing. She didn't respond. Not in the slightest. Let me tell you something, there is no way that fat chick is ever gonna get more than the absolute minimum of attention necessary from a guy of my hotness ever again. And she just looked right through me. Like she was a hot chick or something. The nerve of that bitch.

Oh hell. Wait. It was the zit.

I have a monster zit on my nose at the moment. My overactive sebaceous glands are good in that they give me a pretty much wrinkle-free look as the dawn of middle age approaches, bad in that a couple times a year it looks like I have Mt. Vesuvius coming out of my face. It brings me great shame, but I had forgotten about it until the fat chick treated me like I wasn't doing her the favor that I was.

I don't understand why these fat chicks have to be so shallow. There's no reason why a fat chick can't look past my imperfections to see the wonderful human being I really am. I have feelings fat chicks. I have hopes and dreams and thoughts and aspirations, and when you treat me as some sort of second class person based simply on my appearance.....well.....that really says more about you than it ever will about me, doesn't it? So put down the Twinkies, get over the fact I look like Rudolph, and start treating me like the sex object I really am.

I will admit though, that being the brunt of fat chick discrimination has allowed me to grow as a human being this night, and for that I am thankful. I can only conclude that God has put this zit on my nose as part of his mater plan.

I think it's almost ready to pop.

Echos Come Up From The Basement Of My Brain Sometimes.

I don't know why. They just do. Miscellaneous thoughts or feelings that didn't quite gel at the time, but weren't quite forgotten. Like a Christmas present from your uncle you're not quite sure what to do with. Except it's like the Christmas presents come up from the basement where they've been stored and pop up on your kitchen table every once in awhile.

Day of Rage. That's what popped up on the kitchen table of my brain today for no particular reason. I remember hearing something about it on the news years ago and thinking I was gonna have to look into it. The term just sounded so cool. Day of Rage. If I remembered correctly it had something to do with Palestinians being a little sick of the uninvited guests who showed up after Hitler tried to kill them all. Sure enough, I looked it up today:

The mainstream Palestinian movement Fatah and Islamic groups had called for a ''day of rage'' today to mark the start of the first Palestinian uprising, which began in 1987 and ended after the 1993 Oslo peace accord.

I'm jealous. I want a Day of Rage. Mine wouldn't have anything to do with Middle Eastern politics though. I think my Day of Rage would be declared against health insurance companies. Me and any of you that want to join me could get us some of those cool Yasser Arafat head scarves and some slingshots, and we'd ride up to insurance company headquarters and let the stones fly, breaking many windows.

Then Aetna would come at us with a tank, and start firing rubber bullets. But we'd be like, "Fuck you Aetna. There's no reason for you to require a Prior Auth for Imitrex and then cover Maxalt unless you're getting some sort of payola from Merck! Eat a rock bastards!"

And they would indeed eat rocks. Many rocks. And not just Aetna.

After our Day of Rage the corporate media would have to pay attention to us, at least for a little bit, if for no other reason than because Aetna would have to explain to their shareholders why they spent money on tank deployment. We could use the opportunity to explain that $31.18 a week to make sure every old codger in this country gets the medical care they need is a bargain, and that bargain's got nothing to do with the private sector.

I didn't make that number up. $31.18 a week is what I chip into Medicare. And that covers 43,000,000 of this country's oldest and sickest citizens. If you're not a pharmacist, you're probably chipping in far less. Go look. And while you're at it compare what you're paying Medicare to how much you're paying Aetna or one of their ilk to pretend to cover your healthy ass.

After we had a chance to make our case to the corporate media, Aetna and their ilk would be shamed out of business and Medicare would be expanded to cover the entire population, saving everyone money and boosting the quality of care. That's right bitch. I said saving money and improving the quality of care. Any of you right wing corpo-stooges want me to prove it you just drop me a line. I'll warn you though, you better ask politely. You come in my house with any of that Rush Limbaugh attitude and I will get out my fact claws and tear you to shreds.

Anyway, that's my day of rage. I might have to go down to the basement and see what else is there.

The Night Is Short, So This One's A Quickie.

An actual, real, display in an actual, real drugstore. Which may or may not employ me. Notice the sign above and what is actually being sold:


If it were up to my employer, the same people who put this display together would be assembling your prescription. Now you know why most states require pharmacy technician licensure. Goodnight.

I Think I Should Re-Run This Picture Frequently Between Now And Election Day.

John McCain, writing in 1973 about his feelings towards North Vietnamese prison guards

Now I don't hate them any more—not these particular guys. I hate and detest the leaders. Some guards would just come in and do their job. When they were told to beat you they would come in and do it. Some seemed to get a big bang out of it. A lot of them were homosexual, although never toward us.

Never towards you. Uh-huh. So....... how exactly did you know they were homosexuals? Did they discuss their social life with you while they were breaking your arms? And why bring it up at all if your ass is virginal?

John McCain, expressing his feelings in 2008. This is photoshop free.


It makes me happy to see how you've been able to liberate some of the demons in your soul John.

I Think I'm Gonna Invent Me A Cat That Doesn't Poop.

Because that's definitely the biggest downer to having a cat. The fact that it poops. That cute fluffy, furry, purry stuff....that can easily be forgotten when you're cleaning poop out the litterbox.

I think at its core it's an efficiency problem, and the solution would be tweaking the cat's genes so the cat would use far more of what is input into its digestive system. Poop still has a lot of energy left in it. Just try throwing some into a fire sometime and you'll see.

I think there may be implications here for our dependence on fossil fuels as well. I begin research on my cat Spooky tomorrow.

Dear Caremark

Here's a fucking idea Einsteins.

Instead of suggesting that I am taxing your poor little delicate corporate soul by daring to call for assistance during what you say is one of your "peak hours," how about maybe.....and this may sound a little radical for you so hang with me here.....

....scheduling more of your employees to work during these peak hours, in order to be better able to handle the increased number of calls you know you will receive? I know it sounds like crazy talk, but your whole business was built upon the assumption that health care providers would be eager to sign contracts that would pay them less money than they were currently making, which must have sounded pretty crazy itself back in the day.

I mean, it's no secret when these peak hours are, you've already figured them out and don't hesitate to tell me while I am on hold. Endlessly on hold.

You may wonder where this stroke of out of the box thinking came from, where a train of thought so fundamentally different from the thoughts used to guide your decisions until now could have possibly originated. I'll be happy to share. It came to me when I asked myself what my customers would say to me if I said that maybe they should come back during one of my "non peak hours." They'd tell me to fuck off and die, that's what they'd do.

So I guess I'm just a little confused as to why you shouldn't fuck off and die as well.

And by the way, if you are constantly experiencing "call volume that is heavier than normal" it may be time to re-adjust your definition of normal.

Just sayin'

Fuckers.

"Drugmonkey" I Can Hear Some Of You Say, "You Haven't Written About Big Pharma Pud Sucking In Awhile Now. Might Big Pharma Have Stopped Sucking Pud?"

To which I would say, "Oh you silly naive waif. The pud sucking of Big Pharma is eternal. It can be counted on as the tides are counted on to rise and fall, it can be counted on as the sun is counted on to rise and set." Let yourself forget never my dear reader, that the primary interest of the pharmaceutical corporation, as in any corporation, is the accumulation of many dollars as it can possibly accumulate. Sometimes the best way for a pharmaceutical corporation to accumulate dollars is to develop a medicine that will alleviate disease and suffering. Other times the best way for a pharmaceutical corporation to accumulate dollars is to pretend a marketing campaign is a scientific study:

A 1999 Merck & Co. study of its since-withdrawn painkiller Vioxx, touted to participating doctors and patients as meant to show whether Vioxx caused fewer stomach problems than another drug, was primarily a stealth marketing strategy, researchers report.

The true purpose was to get lots of doctors and patients in the habit of using Vioxx just in time for its launch, according to doctors who uncovered internal Merck memos discussing the strategy behind the study, called ADVANTAGE.

OK, wait, on second thought, I was probably wrong. About what I said about Pharmaceutical company's primary interest being the accumulation of dollars. These days they'd probably be more interested in Euros. Because Euros are worth more.

Dr. Jonathan Edelman, head of scientific affairs at Merck Research Laboratories, said Monday "the ADVANTAGE study was primarily a scientific study" designed and executed by the company's clinical research unit

But Dr. Kevin P. Hill said he and colleagues, while working as paid consultants for lawyers representing plaintiffs who claimed Vioxx caused heart attacks or other harm, stumbled on documents indicating Merck's marketing division designed ADVANTAGE and handled the data collection and analysis.

Using funding from the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation's clinical scholars program, they searched further, uncovering items such as a memo from two top Merck executives nominating the study for an internal marketing award.

"The objectives were to provide product trial among a key physician group to accelerate uptake of Vioxx as the second entrant in a highly competitive new class," the memo states.

Now I'm not calling Dr. Jonathan Edelman, head of scientific affairs at Merck Research Laboratories, a liar, but it would seem that he said one thing while the facts indicate the exact opposite to be true. Notice how Merck told its own people the objective of the ADVANTAGE study was to "provide product trial among a key physician group to accelerate uptake of Vioxx." That doesn't sound very scientific, and it doesn't have much at all to do with comparing the GI tolerability of Vioxx and naproxen, which is what Merck was telling the rest of the world the ADVANTAGE study was for. I bet having your pants on fire makes it really hard to poop. Not to mention the bad things that could happen should the fire spread to your genital region. Not that Dr. Jonathan Edelman would know anything about that.

Your government is on the case though. You know what a deep respect this administration has for science:

The director of the Food and Drug Administration's Office of Medical Policy, Dr. Robert Temple, said that if a study follows a research protocol, asks a legitimate question and "uses garden-variety physicians" instead of academic experts but has a marketing purpose, "I'm not sure that's a sin."

I'll translate that for you. "We at the Bush administration don't give a rat's ass if you signed up for a Vioxx trial thinking you were helping advance the state of scientific knowledge, had a heart attack you otherwise wouldn't have had taking naproxen, and were really just part of a big Vioxx commercial."

"It's a serious violation of research ethics" and prevents patients from figuring out the risks and benefits of participating in the study, said Arthur Caplan, who heads University of Pennsylvania's medical ethics department.

So the scientists get it, and Bush Administration doesn't. Yet again. Like you needed another reason to do the right thing in November.

I wonder how long a liar's pants stay on fire? Do they ever get to poop again? I think I may have found the origin this night of the expression "full of shit"

Maybe I'll have Merck do a study to prove my thesis.