NEW YORK- In a stunning defeat for a health care system that promises to cover every citizen at a cost but a fraction of that spent by its neighbor to the south, Canadian drugstore chain Jean Coutu Group cut its losses today on an investment made in American chain Rite Aid Corp. five years ago.
"Fuck these losers" said CEO and president Fran Coutu as she pressed a button to execute the trade in which 56,000,000 shares of the ailing pillar of American health care were dumped. "I should have done this long ago."
The Jean Coutu Group, which runs 392 stores that somehow survive under the yoke of socialized medicine, earned $182 million dollars Canadian in its last fiscal year, while paying a dividend of 22 cents a share, thereby illustrating the crippling effects of operating under government mandated health care, which include profits, rising revenues, positive return on investments, and people not declaring bankruptcy after having a heart attack.
On this side of the border, Rite Aid lost $564,872,000 last year, somehow unable to coax more dollars from the 50 million Americans with no health insurance.
"We're not sure what we'll do with the piles of money we have lying around" Coutu said in a statement after taking a $290 million loss on its bet on the American way of healthcare. "Maybe buy some travel insurance. I have a trip scheduled to Miami next month and I fear what might happen if I broke my arm or something."
Experts interviewed after the sale pointed out that, in case you missed it, a drugstore chain operates in an environment of socialized medicine and makes a healthy profit. They also added that you probably wouldn't notice or remember, no matter how many times you were told.
Reached for comment, you blathered something about Obamacare that didn't make any sense and were ignoring chest pains, as you really don't need any more bills this month.