Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I Can't Decide If This Is Hilarious Or Infuriating.


"Combines The Most Powerful Forces Of Heaven And Earth!" says the box in the upper right.

Snicker Snicker....

Do you believe? Wear this solid COPPER MAGNETIC THERAPY JESUS BRACELET for the most powerful healing and comfort you've ever experienced!

Oh my God this is comedy gold.

COPPER has been relied on for centuries to ease the pain of arthritis, bursitis, back pain, poor circulation, and more

Wait. The best line is coming up.

And faith in the miracles of JESUS can not only protect you from physical pain, but soothe your soul in times of stress!

BWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAHHHHHAAAAHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fully adjustable to fit most wrists.

I can just see that being the clincher for the 800 pound fatass whose back is killing him because a back was never meant to support 800 pounds. Getting ketchup on the form as he fills it out he is, then running the envelope to the mailbox on his riding mower. Because filling out a form for a copper Jesus bracelet is way easier than moving around or trying that goddamn diet his doctor gave him.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha......

I can also see the little old lady who's been battling cancer for a year putting her last ounce of faith in a scheister doing business out of some temporary warehouse space in Van Nuys, California. Then trying to take them up on the money back guarantee.

Ha ha ha.....wait...that's, um, not funny at all. Sigh.

So it would seem Jesus has created quite the schism in my brain tonight. It's far from the first schism for which he's been responsible.

Something tells me it's not even real copper.

13 comments:

Amelia Ramstead said...

My job involves updating the medications on patient profiles based on the lists they gave us. One time someone listed prayer. After some consideration, I put it under "Nonformulary."

Anonymous said...

As mother of adult/nearly adult sons who now tell me they're atheist, this ad in the Saturday Family Weekly newspaper insert seemed rather 'in your face' to me when considering how to implement a Lenten renewal program at my church.

I think it was the 3,000 gauss magnets, that was the tipping point, considering a gauss is 0.0001 tesla and three employees of TESLA were killed in a plane crash in East Palo Alto 2/17/10.

Mother Jones RN said...

Can I get witness? Hallelujah Brother! I wonder how many suckers are buying that thing.

ok said...

Face it drugmonkey, Jesus SAVES and you can't deny that...



...because without him Brazil wouldn't have shut out Peru in soccer.

luagha said...

Having seen one of these, they are real copper but it's the thinnest, chintziest copper you can possibly imagine.

was1 said...

I thought copper was nonmagnetic. It must be a miracle.

What's next, a religious chiropractor?

Anonymous said...

I saw this ad, and I couldn't figure out how they got Jesus into the bracelet. I mean, isn't it enough to combine the Penetrating Power of Magnets with the Soothing Power of Copper?

EEJ said...

Am I mistaken, or won't a copper bracelet turn your arm green?

Maybe that's part of the magic to show it's working!

mtnrxlady said...

Finally! An explanation for why women seem to experience arthritis symptoms more than men...they do not put pennies in their pant's pockets, thus eliminating any possibility of slight transdermal absorption of copper ions! I knew inorganic chemistry classes would pay off some day.

Anonymous said...

Neither hilarious nor infuriating, only sad, sad, sad.... there are more people who believe in angels in this country than who accept the scientific fact of evolution.

Anonymous said...

Sucker and his money part every day

Phathead said...

Totally missing the point DM.

You could put out DM bracelets and sell them to the pharmacy folk. You could tell them it'll decrease time on hold, increase customer happiness and give them more tech help during the day.

If people will buy that shit, they'll buy a DM bracelet. Then you can use the funds for more scotch

Tyler said...

Now with 20% MORE JESUS!!!!! ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!!!!