I Bet I Could make A Good Housewife For Jesus.

I'd keep a neat for house for him. I do good with keeping up with the cleaning now, and I bet that's one of the things that would attract Jesus to me. I get the impression Jesus would be a neat freak. He'd come home from a hard day at work and I would have everything just where it should be, his favorite magazine at the top of the coffee table ready to read while I made dinner.

I bet Jesus' favorite magazine would be "People" Jesus strikes me as a people person.

I'm not much of a cook though, and I wonder if that would be a source of tension in our household. He'd make some snide comment about potatoes for dinner again and I'd be like "Well if you don't like it why don't you maybe feed your own family with some fish and a couple loaves of bread instead of a crowd of strangers?" Then there would be silence. Both of us regretting words we did not mean to hurt. Because I would love Jesus. And from everything I've heard, Jesus loves me.

But to be honest, I'm not sure what I saw in him all those years ago. He had kind of that rebel bad boy look about him you know, with the long hair and that "peace on earth" attitude. It can get to a guy. It has gotten to a lot of guys. The disciples. How could I have been so blind. I'll never forget the unmistakable sight of Judas' lipstick on Jesus' collar as I did the wash. I knew that Judas was no good from the beginning.

He left the toilet seat up again last night. I don't even know who he is anymore. He's hellbent on saving the world and all the world does is kill in his name. I can see it gets to him but can't he at least get rid of the fleas on the dog before he goes and cures the community of leprosy again?

He wanted sex again last night. Missionary style. Again. I told him he'd just have to get by with an immaculate orgasm because I'm just not interested anymore. I don't know what happened.

I wonder what Mohamed is up to these days.