Sunday, January 15, 2012

The Republicans Finally Prove Me Wrong.

SACRAMENTO- In a stunning indictment of California tax policy, experts admitted today that the state stands to collect hundreds of millions of dollars from the widely anticipated initial public stock offering of internet giant Facebook, illustrating the link between the state's higher than average tax rates and the effect on the behavior of the innovative, technology driven companies that are the key to sustaining the middle class.

"It's just common sense that high tax rates will drive out the entrepreneurial leaders who are the foundation of a modern economy" said California Republican Sate Senate leader Bob Huff  while speaking from the Capitol of a state where Apple Computer, Adobe, Hewlett Packard , Sun Microsystems, and Amgen have somehow managed to eek out a living. If you have some Enbrel in your pharmacy refrigerator, you're storing the results of innovation in a state where millionaires pay a 1 percent income surtax to fund mental health programs.

Experts fear a repeat of the 2006 Google IPO, in which 16 Google executives paid the state almost $380 million dollars, enough at the time to fund the salaries of more than 3,000 state workers, who did such things as guard the state's violent prisoners, teach its children, and man the pharmacy board that many panty-waisted ninny pharmacists in the state expect will act as a counter balance to the giant national corporations that have already largely destroyed the profession. Those 16 executives are now largely destitute. Four of them starved to death in the winter of 2010.

Estimates are that Facebook's IPO could be four times as large as Google's, which means California could conceivably see over a billion dollars in tax revenue, while CEO Mark Zuckerberg's emaciated, lifeless body will be found on a San Francisco street corner in about a year after he becomes penniless.

"We simply cannot afford fall behind low tax states such as Alabama, Oklahoma, and Alaska when it comes to competing for the companies that will innovate the way to the economy of tomorrow." Huff continued while tapping on his iPhone. "The free market system has clearly shown what happens when you try to tax the people creating the jobs that are the key to growth."

You are reading this very post on, a part of Google, which like I said, generated $380 million dollars for California and none for Alabama with its IPO.

Asked about the fact that California sends 22% more in taxes to the federal government than it receives, effectively subsidizing the rest of the country with the products of its economy, Huff plugged a set of earbuds into his iPod and pretended not to hear the question.


James Texter said...

Good thing CA does such a good job balancing their budget. Oh wait....

Anonymous said...

What you have to realize is that for the TRUE big shots (with some exceptions) their identity as US citizens barely exists...much less as California or Alabama citizens. Their kids will NOT...EVER be fighting in Central Asia or whatever the next pest-hole turns out to be. They have paid off a set of people they think of generically as politicians to assure that they can strip off all of the spare cash in the system and re-locate it wherever they want. You as a druggist at Wag..CVS wherever are at best an annoyance...a mere blip if that. If George Washington came back as a ghost he would accuse them of treason. The politicians he would dump in the Potomac with law books tied to their ankles.

J'amuse D'accuse Pharm D

DrugMonkey, Master of Pharmacy said...

Point missed James, but if you wanna go there.....

If you run the numbers, you'll find that if California could relieve itself of the burden of being associated with the rest of the country, and get back the extra money it sends to Washington every year, this year's budget would show a 60 billion dollar surplus. That's billion with a "B"

You're welcome Alabama. We sacrifice our own schools and libraries in the hope that one day you might learn.

Anonymous said...

Couldn't finish reading. The white letters on black background caused my eyes to fall out of my head. Seriously though, that shit is hard to look at.

Anonymous said...

Well, if you count the swollen underbelly of California industry, especially the vast food chain connected to the defense industry, that is solely dependent on federal funds, you will have to conclude that the Golden State is, next to Florida an Texas, a flaming welfare queen. The rest of the country would benefit from the "Big One" quake when everything south of Red Bluss cracks off and falls into the Pacific. Halleleiuh!

HD M0 1B said...

Please to be taking it easy on Amgen. In 1983 as a young pharmacy tech I took my entire life savings of $1483 and bought Amgen during their ipo. Other than the hookers and blow, the only decent financial decision I've ever made. Thinking of that stock and the insider from Abbott that told me to buy it is the only way I make it through a 12 hour day behind the counter without effing somebody up.

HD M0 1B said...

Oh and DM, love ya man, but can you point me to a link to support those statistics about the billuyns CA could be keeping to itself?

Oh, and Anonymous, about the text colors causing your eyes to hurt.....maybe it's a tumor, you pansy.

DrugMonkey, Master of Pharmacy said...

HD M0 1B,

I thought I had put a link to this page in my post. Another look says I didn't. Whoops.

Admittedly the data is dated, bit it'll do for our back of the envelope purposes.

$247,967,000,000 sent by California to the feds. $193,414,260,000 of which is sent back from Washington (0.78 cents on the dollar, that link is in there.)

That includes the money spent on the defense industry, anonymous 9:33, you fucking dumbass.

California's budget deficit is currently projected at $13 billion.

So if we do the math, means.....whoops.....means California would only have a $41,552,740,000 Surplus if only we could relieve ourselves of the burden of subsidizing Alabama. Which while off by $20 billion from what I first said, is still, I think all would agree, a shitload of money.

Thanks for having me do the double check.

HD M0 1B said...

No no. Myself and Aaron Rodgers thank you!