There'd be marching bands and floats and prominent local officials. And some police cars and members of the National Guard. You'll see where they come in later.
It would be a very festive occasion. The band would strike up a tune and we'd just start walking around. There would be no formal parade route. We'd just take off to the west somewhere, 'cause that fool Columbus seriously had no idea where he ended up.
Eventually we'd get to another town somewhere, and the marching band could play a little song for the natives while the policemen went to the bank and took all the gold from its vaults. Then after we left the National Guard would go in and kill all the town's inhabitants. I can think of no better way to commemorate the spirit of Columbus Day.
Perhaps we could also come back with syphilis.
Anyway, there's no mail on Monday. Keep that in mind when making your plans for the day.
2 comments:
Smallpox infected blankets might just be effective again, at least against the young.
If we were in a climate like Turkey, maybe somewhere in northern Arizona at a high elevation, or the Badlands in South Dakota, we could all grow poppies for the occasion and sell them at a premium when we got back home. Or, if we were in Texas, and had an interest in cultivating a cash cow by decimating native species of birds and mammals and import genetically designed clones of kangaroo and emu to graze in the fields. Or, on the celebratory day in Kansas, we could finish off the grasslands and build giant runways to explore plans for nuclear-fueled daily trips to moonland, and hire the 'natives' to pilot them.
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