Today, A Wave Of Reconciliation Washes Over Me

Maybe I've been too hard on the Christians. I mean, their faith has been the inspiration for some incredibly beautiful things. Look at the Sistine Chapel for chissakes. It's one of the most ass-kickingest works of art ever.

Of course it's creator, Michelangelo, was a homosexual, which means that today's fundamentalists would rather have him publicly stoned than creating art.

Then there was the contribution to the sciences and the preservation of Western classics made possible by religion in the Middle Ages. Of course the religion was Islam, whose adherents yesterday's fundamentalists were trying to kill wholesale.

Hmmmm....maybe I haven't been too hard on the Christians. But nonetheless I am possessed this morning by a turn the other cheek kinda feeling. To further the spirit of reconciliation, I thought I might "bear witness," as the Jesus folks like to say, with a few of my favorite bits of scripture.

Leviticus 25:44

"Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves."

That makes me feel a lot better about underpaying my Mexican gardener. After all, he does come from one of the "nations around me"

Exodus 21:7

"If a man sells his daughter as a servant, she is not to go free as menservants do."

And I thought the Plan B opposition was coming from people who hated women. Pfffftttt.....shows what I know.

Exodus 35:2

"For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day shall be your holy day, a Sabbath of rest to the LORD. Whoever does any work on it must be put to death."

Now, this one offers a true chance for a moment of unity, as I would like Sunday off probably as much as a true Christian would like to kill me for working during the seventh holy day. I do remember though, when I was in high school and working in a restaurant, that our busiest time of the week was on Sunday right after church. I realize now how lucky I was, as the "customers" that would come in during this time were obviously just there plotting the death of the employees. Part of their plot seemed to involve leaving very small tips. Thank God I quit before they put the rest of their plan into action.

Leviticus 11:10

"But all creatures in the seas or streams that do not have fins and scales—whether among all the swarming things or among all the other living creatures in the water—you are to detest."

Interesting that the Bible uses the same word, "detest", for shellfish that it uses to describe the act of "lying with a man as one lies with a woman" (Levi 18:22, "detestable") yet I don't see the Christian types harassing seafood houses the way they harass the poor homosexuals. I suppose the reason why is one of those spiritual mysteries the mortal mind just cannot comprehend.

Leviticus 19:19
"Keep my decrees......Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material."

Might you be wearing a cotton/polyester blend right now?

SINNER!!!!!!

Christians sure are funny. Except when they do things like bomb the Olympics, or your local Planned Parenthood clinic. Strange how I don't see either of those subjects mentioned in the Bible. The shellfish are definitely there though. Think I'm gonna go eat a clam.

From "The Actual Conversation With An Actual Customer" File.

Phone: "ring"

Me: "Giant Corporate Pharmacy, May I help you?"

Customer: "Yeah, what's your phone number?"

Me: "What Number did you just call?"

Customer: "555-5555"

Me: "That's it."

"Thanks."

Tonight, Vindication At Last

All you professors who said I would never amount to anything. All you customers who cursed me under your breath as you waited for your next Vicodin fix, the pharmacy manager who once made an issue of the fact I didn't put a rubber band around the day's completed prescriptions until the end of my shift, prepare to eat some major crow baby. Word comes in today's mail that I, ME! Have been named by the Consumers' Research Council of America as one of "America's Top Pharmacists" I shit you not.

The selection process, according to the letter, "is based on a point value system that awards points for education, years in practice, and affiliations with professional pharmaceutical related organizations and associations" Once I read that, it was obvious how my 5 year Bachelor of Science in Pharmacy degree, (most pharmacists today have a 6-year Doctor of Pharmacy) my years of service to the profession that would put me a little short of halfway through an average career, and my lack of membership in any professional organization or association whatsoever would put me on their radar screen.

I hope I remember to thank all the little people in my acceptance speech.

The main benefit of being named one of America's "Top Pharmacists" seems to be the opportunity to commemorate the event by buying a "museum quality award" that will "preserve the accomplishment for a lifetime." There are several plaques and table top awards to choose from, ranging from the $149 "Reflection Series" to the top of the line "Presidential Series" for a mere $229. A small price to pay really for what the letter says "is more than a decoration.....it connotes respect and credibility"

Who the fuck actually buys these? Is there actually some beaten down retail pill pusher who's been taking customer shit for so long that he needs to buy a fake plaque to respect him when no one else will? The only emotion that runs higher than the disgust at having my intelligence insulted in such a way is the jealousy that comes from not having thought of this way to make a few bucks first.

Although it does say there's a 10% discount for multiple orders......

A Plug For One Of My Linkees.

Or is that Linkors? Linkers? So many grammatical questions.

I don't know what the title of RomiusTexis' blog is today, he changes it about as often as the County changes prescription insurance plans for it's employees, but as long as he leaves this post up, I shall never write on the subject of white trash, as there is no way I can ever hope to do a better job.

Also check out the video of a wasted Brittney Spears. Reminds me of Friday nights when I used to work the late shift at a 24 hour pharmacy. Except the chicks were far less attractive.

Two Legitimate Reasons To Hate Me.

So I'm putzing around the computer at my desk this morning, and I see my last paycheck under a pile of papers. I had forgotten all about it. It's been there about 2 weeks, and Friday I'll get another one. I figured I should probably get to the bank before I lose this, which meant I was gonna have to change out of my pajamas and take a shower. Crap. Today I considered it a pain in the ass to put $2200 in my checking account.

Upon closer inspection of said check, I also notice I have received a raise. I have no idea how long the new pay rate has been in effect. I made a mental note to look through my old pay stubs to find out, knowing full well I would never get around to it. Like I know where any old pay stubs are.

So, um, I suppose the lesson is if you're gonna sell out your soul, at least make sure you get a decent price.

Don't Worry, I Am Safe.

Those of you that know me might have seen the following headline and been a bit concerned:

Slain pharmacist's ex has alibi, lawyer says

Rest assured I am well, and the ex wife, or any of the ex-girlfriends, have yet to track me down......

I was a man-hoochie at one time, it's a long story.

Hate Mail Post #3

You know, when I took my little work blog in a political direction what seems like so long ago, I had visions. Dreams I tell you. I saw myself as part of the great national debate, taking on smug little bow-tie wearing conservative pricks in the battle of ideas, and after a long and hard fought struggle of wit and intellect, emerging victorious to save the world from itself. Instead I get this:

drugnazi - you smart person you! Sex education, free condoms, low cost contraception and your rhetoric have caused more abortions than one cares to think about. Destruction of human life, which is what Plan B is, along with your science makes for a wonderful world.

Christ is the answer - the only answer, drugnazi and when you die, science ain't gonna get you anywhere but hell.

I know some of you may be asking the obvious question raised by this post. How does this person know how many abortions one cares to think about? I happen to think of abortions 24/7. Sometimes I won't go to sleep because I cannot be assured that I won't dream of them. I fantasize about fetuses still in the womb getting pregnant so they can have abortions before they are born. Abortions Abortions Abortions. I can't get enough.

So when this person says that my rhetoric....mine! "Caused more abortions than one cares to think about", quite frankly I am humbled. Humbled and flattered. My sincerest thank you, you fucking inarticulate dumbass. Now thank me for giving you a second of my time.

More Exubera Porn.

Oh Yeah......gimmie some of that sweet insulin lovin' baby........

The caption to this picture, taken from a Pfizer "Pharmacist Resource Guide" says this:

Promptly place the mouthpiece fully in your mouth and form a seal around the mouthpiece with your lips.

Too bad it doesn't mention not to scrape your teeth. I bet the Exubera inhaler hates it when you scrape your teeth.

Here's a picture of the um....model.....after her post-Exubera experience. Was it good for her?





I will remind you, what you are seeing is the result of a multi-million dollar marketing budget. I'd be willing to bet the guy who does the back pages for Hustler could have done more with less.

Click here to read my earlier Exubera post.

A Dark Day For Lloyd DuPlantis Jr. Of Gray, Louisiana

I pick on Lloyd DuPlantis Jr., of Gray Louisiana a lot, but only because I hate him. I've hated him ever since I heard him on National Public Radio telling the world that he doesn't sell birth control pills at his pharmacy, located at 3696 W Main St in Gray, Louisiana, phone number 1-888-872-5030, "in the name of science" and that Birth control pills are "the most dangerous chemical on the market." (If you click on the link, Lloyd comes on at around the 12 minute mark) Lloyd didn't say the most dangerous prescription drug on the market, he said the most dangerous chemical. Evidently Lloyd thinks estrogen and progesterone are to be feared more than dioxin, botulism toxin, or mustard gas. Despite the fact that the number of real scientists who would say something like this is about zero, this is what Lloyd says he believes.


Poor Lloyd must be in his back yard today digging a fallout shelter and stocking up on canned food in anticipation of the flood of dangerous chemicals that are set to be turned loose on society. You see, the real scientists at the FDA have overcome years of opposition from the Christian Fascists people like Lloyd have put in power, and the agency today announced it's approval for OTC Plan B sales. On a day like this, when the Christian fascists are probably feeling a bit upset and defeated, it's probably best to reach out across the ideological divide and say something like......


IN YOUR FUCKING FACE!!!!!! TAKE THAT JESUS!!!!!!!!!!! WHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHOOOOO!!!!!!!

All right, that was just harsh. I tell you what. I was planning to hold a celebratory orgy to launch my sex based cult that easy access to Plan B will make possible. Lloyd, you can come if you want. Just do me a favor and stay in the room where the lights are off, 'cause I've seen your picture.

Stupidest Boyfriend Ever.

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