My Fecal Material Is Free.....Free To Soar Amongst The Eagles......

....and Amitiza™ is the wind beneath it's wings. Evidently that is the image that Takeda Pharmaceuticals, the same people that brought you the Rozerem beaver playing chess with Abraham Lincoln, thinks will imbed it's drug into the brains of healthcare professionals everywhere. I'll show you what I mean.

Going through the mailbag the other day I came across this nifty little ad:




How could I not be intrigued? I mean, I like to activate stuff just as much as the next guy. As you can see, the ad was set up in a window-blind kinda way. There was a tab on the right hand side you could pull that slid the window blind thingys over to look like this:



I now knew that this miracle medicine was the answer to my life's troubles. I wanted....no I NEEDED..... to soar, to break loose of the gridlock of life and rise....rise upwards towards freedom and heaven itself.

I felt in my very soul that Amitiza™ was for me. Then I saw the ailment Amitiza™ was meant to treat; chronic idiopathic constipation. The birds were representative of my shit starting to flow.

Even though I have been blessed with regular bowel movements, somehow looking at this ad I still felt the desire to take the drug, and had to read more about it. Maybe in the fine print I would see something about how it enhances the happy feelings scotch gives me. Didn't happen. What I did see was that the most common side effect was nausea, which happened to 31% of people in clinical trials. Actual puking happened in 5%.

So you have a choice between being stopped up and not able to go, and an almost 1 in 3 chance that you'll be trading that for the feeling of having to puke and not being able to. I suppose I can see now why they felt they needed an ad a little "out of the box" for this one. Should my birds ever stop flying though, I think I'll stick with the Glycolax.