It's Spring Break Time......

....and even when I'm old and ravaged by the effects of Alzheimer's (I'm convinced that's how I will die. After many years of making fun of stupid old customers, there would be no better karma than me turning into one of them.) I have a feeling I may remember one particular day at work a few years ago. I was toiling away in a college town at the time, and the quarter was over, and the kids were getting ready for Florida, or Cancun, or wherever they go for their drunken revelry. Not before a little partying on campus however, as evidenced by the car that pulled up in front of the store, parked right next to the entrance........with a giant paper mache penis strapped to the roof.

The kids got out of the car, made a beeline for the kegs in the back of the store, and then for me. Imagine my relief when I realized that all they wanted were condoms. Lots of condoms. They literally took every piece of rubber that could be put on a penis off the shelf and headed to the checkout counter.

When I was a student I missed this part of college evidently. And my regrets at this fact have known no bounds since that day.

Quick Drug Company Rip-Off Tip of the Day

Got a migraine? Well then, Novartis Consumer Health, Inc. has got a product for you, Excedrin Migraine. According to official Excedrin web site:

Excedrin® Migraine is a non-prescription pain reliever that contains acetaminophen, aspirin and therapeutically active caffeine™.

In independent studies of 1,250 patients, Excedrin Migraine was clinically proven to relieve migraine headache pain.

After taking Excedrin® Migraine, even patients with tough migraines experienced:

* A noticeable reduction in pain within 30 minutes
* Pain relief that lasts
* Major improvements in their ability to take part in normal activities.

Excedrin® Migraine is the first non-prescription medicine approved by the FDA to treat all the symptoms of a migraine.

Wow. Sounds pretty cool. Before you open your wallet however, the drugnazi advises you to go pick up a bottle of the plain old Excedrin. You know, that unglamorous pain med that's been around since the beginning of time. Look at the label & compare it with the big breakthrough Excedrin Migraine. Your head hurting too much to read that small print? I'll go ahead and list the ingredients here.

Excedrin Migraine:

Acetaminophen 250 mg
Aspirin 250 mg
Caffeine 65 mg

"Extra Strength" Excedrin: (No "Regular Strength" exists)

Acetaminophen 250 mg
Aspirin 250 mg
Caffeine 65 mg


The more alert among you may be thinking that it looks like these two products have the exact same fucking formula, and you would be right. It's been known for years that this formula, for whatever reason, does work better for headaches than other pain relievers. Novartis got the bright idea of doing a formal study using it's tired old brand Excedrin in people with migraines so they could get the regulatory stamp of approval to put it in a attention grabbing red box, stamp the word MIGRAINE all over it, and lighten your wallet a little more.

Oh, and by the way, what's the difference between "therapeutically active caffeine™" and the caffeine floating around in your favorite Starbucks concoction? The trademark symbol. That's the difference.

It's Saturday, and Thoughts Turn To Desperate Housewives

I even hear there's even a TV show with that name....:) Not to beat a dead horse here, as I've already mocked "America's Pharmacist" Kemi Olunloyo earlier, but one thing I did notice as I looked over her incredibly easy to mock blog was that finally, a Hollywood screenwriter type seems to have figured out the best way to poison someone. Kemi had her boxers in a bunch over an episode where an evil pharmacist deliberately fills a man's prescription with Potassium Chloride tablets so the pharmacist can score with the dead man's wife. Not that I blame the screenwriters, as from what I've seen, even medical people get it wrong a lot. I can't tell you the number of times I've read about an evil doctor, nurse, veterinarian, or whatever who tried to off someone with morphine (detectable post-mortem), strychnine (ditto), arsenic (same), or some other chemical easily detectable or that produces a specific set of symptoms (Like the Chor-acne that disfigured Ukrainian President Victor Yushchenko after the Russians tried to poison him) and I've said to myself "Why didn't you use potassium you moron?" Not that I condone killing people, it's just that incompetence and stupidity in any endeavor annoys me. And anyone with the slightest bit of medical training should know that potassium is the way to go. Looks just like a heart attack, and good luck finding it, as your body reeks with potassium naturally. So while ABC may have offended the sensitive little feelings of "America's Pharmacist" (the name almost mocks itself really) The drugnazi says kudos to someone for finally getting it right.

What Am I Going To Do With All The Steroids On My Shelf Now?

Not much to do with pharmacy I know, but hey, it's my day off. From The Drugnazi News Service:


SHORTEST BASEBALL SEASON IN HISTORY STARTS, ENDS IN WHITE HOUSE CEREMONY


Cincinnati Reds declared World Series Champions by ex-Cincinnati Reds owner

"Mission Accomplished" says Carl Linder


WASHINGTON DC (DNP)- In what may go down as the most unusual season in Major League Baseball history, the Cincinnati Reds today were declared 2006 World Series champions 9 days before the first game of the season in a ceremony at the White House. The declaration was made by Carl Linder, who sold the team at the end of 2005. Standing under what appeared to be a slightly used banner reading "Mission Accomplished" Linder appeared to have tears in his eyes as he accepted the championship trophy from president George W. Bush. In a moving speech after the presentation, Linder recalled how lucky he was to be able to fulfill his life's dream in bringing his hometown it's first World Series championship since 1990.

"Through the ups and downs of this 60 minute baseball season, I never lost faith that in the end, I would be standing here accepting this trophy on behalf of the town I love so much." said Mr. Linder. "This one's for you Cincinnati!!"

Mr. Linder, who has given millions of dollars of his personal fortune to Republican causes and candidates starting in the 1980's, and who has a controlling interest in Chiquita brands bananas, was originally scheduled to meet with the President concerning the Economic Growth and Job Act of 2006, whose sole provision is the elimination of taxes on banana producers. Sources report that the conversation quickly turned to baseball however, with Mr. Bush, a former owner of the Texas Rangers, recounting that he has learned "more than a few things" during his time as President that would have directly translated to success as a baseball executive.

Mr. Bush and Mr. Linder then retreated to a private room next to the Oval Office, and emerged to conduct the hastily planned ceremony an hour later.

At a press conference after the trophy presentation, Mr Linder inexplicably appeared wearing a flight suit. He quickly left the podium however and reappeared wearing the uniform of retired Cincinnati Reds hall of fame catcher Johnny Bench. When asked how a person who no longer even owns the team could declare them World Series champions before the first pitch of the season, Mr. Linder said such authority had been granted by Congress in its authorization to use force after the September 11th attacks. He went on to accuse the reporter of "hating baseball" and "wanting the terrorists to win"

"The connection between Al-Quieda and the New York Yankees could not be more clear" Mr. Linder said before declaring the press conference over.


OK......so I know you have to be a bit of a news nerd to get some of the jokes here, but if you haven't figured out by now this is satire, then you're probably one of my customers. Please have your prescription filled now before I have to go back to work.

And Now, Back To The Hate......

Specifically, the previously promised hate for GlaxoSmithKline. They have been bugging the living shit out of me lately by buying ads that run about every, oh, 10 seconds on the radio station I use for background noise while I'm doing my day-to-day drugnazi type errands at home. Thing is, I live in what can in no way be described as a large radio market. The signal from this particular low-rated station can come nowhere close to a major city and there are no institutions of higher learning focusing on medical teaching anywhere around. So I can only conclude that I and I alone am the target audience for these ads. They should have saved their time and money, as they are only serving to remind me of the level of hypocrisy needed to make it as a member of Big Pharma.

I tried to find an audio file of the ad for you to listen to here, but gave up, they are only intended for me, remember? I did find this though, from a GSK press release:

GSK's "Scientist" ad features Dr. Eliot Ohlstein, head of the company's Center of Excellence for Drug Discovery, Cardiovascular & Urogenital Diseases. Dr. Ohlstein speaks of the challenges and rewards of a career in pharmaceutical research. The message of the ad is that discovery of breakthrough medicines is expensive, but the results are priceless. The ad concludes: "Today's medicines finance tomorrow's miracles."

I think this is the ad they've been torturing me with. If it's the one I'm thinking of, the good Dr. Ohlstein (did they put the quotes around "scientist" to distinguish the ad or because he's not really a scientist? Perhaps his PhD is in history. I wouldn't put it past them.)Talks about how discovering an antibiotic is like "catching an individual snowflake", the process can take 10 years, as soon as one comes to market resistance starts in, blah blah blah.....but GSK will never give up because the fight is too important. I really wish I would have found an audio file for you. It would have warmed your fucking heart.

Until you see what their business practices are really like. Let's take a look at GSK's top selling drugs and see just how many snowflakes they've caught in their never ending quest shall we?

1) Advair: an inhaler used for asthma. A combination of two meds that were already on the market, one of which was about ready to lose it's patent protection.

2) Avandamet: A combination of two previously available diabetes medicines, one of which is about ready to lose it's patent protection.

3)Paxil CR: This is my favorite. The "CR" stands for "controlled release" Drug companies have long come out with "controlled release", "extended release", "sustained release" versions of their products when they are about ready to lose their patient protection. The idea being you take a dose fewer times a day and therefore will be less likely to miss doses. Oh, and they get a brand new patent for the "CR" "XR" or "SR" version.

Except that regular Paxil is dosed once a day, and Paxil CR is dosed........once a day. So WTF?? I'll let the Pharmacists Letter explain it:

The new tabs AREN'T longer-acting...they're once-daily like Paxil. Instead, Paxil CR is designed to cause fewer GI side effects. It's enteric-coated and controlled-release so the drug is released lower in the intestines. The manufacturer wants to say Paxil CR causes less nausea than Paxil...but so far there's no proof that it's better tolerated.

You got that? GSK pulls a claim out of their ass, sends their sales force to go pull the wool over your doctors eyes and charges you an extra $49 a month. (price difference from drugstore.com)

I could go on....Wellbutrin XL (which followed Wellbutrin SR), Augmentin XR, a product that actually INCREASED the chance of GI upset over regular Augmentin, but you get the picture. It seems like the results of the majority of GSK's research goes towards ways to extend the patent lives of their products. Oh, but they can't even rip you off without fucking it up. From the New York Times:

US Marshals Seize Millions of Defective Paxil & Avandamet pills

The FDA and federal marshals yanked millions of tablets of the antidepressant, Paxil CR and the diabetes drug, Avandamet, off the market because they are defective. The Paxil pills split during manufacturing, and the medication in Avandamet is not evenly distributed. GlaxoSmithKline has not resolved these manufacturing issues for three years.

Priceless indeed....

How Did This Blog Become the Reproductive Rights Rant?

I seriously didn't intend for it to turn out that way. But just like Michael Corleone in The Godfather, every time I try to get away, I get pulled back in. Today for example, I was going to write about how much I hate GlaxoSmithKline (three words smashed into one, keeping all the capital letters, seriously, that's how they spell their name), but instead, I need to vent about an emergency contraceptive customer. Off we go again into the land of reproductive choice:

The happy couple comes in; him, a square jawed, buzz-cut, military type. Her, a hoochie mamma, a ho, no other way to put it. I feared syphilis just by getting too close. I have no idea why she was pretending to even wear a skirt, as I'm sure it would have been more convenient to just forgo the last square inch of cloth below her waist and just go bottomless. But hey, I'm not here to judge, and if I can stop this pair's DNA from replicating, then I'm more than happy to do so. So I start the process and it becomes apparent within a few seconds that she's more than a wee bit intoxicated. I still may be a little tipsy from smelling her breath as she filled out the paperwork. I look at her profile and there is about every mental health med known to man. Sedatives, antidepressants, antiphychotics, a Christian Scientist's worse nightmare. The picture's coming into focus now. This may not have been legally an assault, but it was almost certainly a taking advantage of someone whose judgment isn't clear type situation.

So the drunk woman with mental health issues stops in the middle of filling out the forms, and asks where the bathroom is. Now, the regular customer bathroom is on the other side of the store, and it's locked, and I don't know what the combination is because there's a super-secret bathroom there in the pharmacy. I'm looking at her face and sensing that something is gonna come flowing out of somewhere in her body right quick, so I make the executive decision to let her use the upscale pharmacy staff toilet. While she's in there doing....um....well I'd rather not think about it, me and the soldier boy are having a bit of an awkward moment at the counter. He makes an attempt at small talk, and I work in my standard plug that we're lucky to live in a state where you can get the morning after pill without a prescription. I add that there's a movement to make it available like this nationwide, but that "that's probably not gonna happen with this administration" So what's the pearl of wisdom that comes out of Uncle Sam's mouth next?

"Well if you think about it that's a good thing because you wouldn't want people going around having unprotected sex"

YOU MEAN LIKE YOU JUST DID YOU DUMBASS REDNECK ALMOST RAPIST COMING TO ME TO BAIL YOU OUT FROM THE CONSEQUENCES OF USING YOUR DICK AS A BRAIN??? YOU ARE SO GODDAMN TYPICAL OF THE FUCKING HYPOCRITES THAT ARE THE RIGHT WING. IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE FACT THAT I WOULD BE SENTENCING SOME WOMAN TO POSSIBLY HAVE A PERMANENT TIE WITH YOUR SORRY ASS I WOULD TELL YOU TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE STORE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!

The look of utter disbelief I shot him sent him to the waiting area where he didn't utter another peep until Ms. Syphilis needed the cash to pay. At least he was good enough to pick up the tab. Christ.

While I don't enjoy seeing you die the way the Christians do....

...I do take particular joy in this, from the New York Times:

Pharmacists say they have been losing money under Medicare's new prescription drug benefit, and they have taken their concerns to the White House, forcing the administration to confront political problems caused by the rocky start of the program.


In a meeting last week with Karl Rove, the president's senior adviser, the druggists said many independent pharmacies might have to shut their doors because they were not being paid adequately or promptly under Medicare. In the last two months, they said, pharmacists have given away millions of dollars' worth of medications for which Medicare drug plans should have paid.

The pharmacists who visited the White House were all from Texas. Several have close ties to Mr. Rove and President Bush. But their concerns are shared by retail pharmacists across the country, who said that Medicare drug plans were paying them less than it cost to fill prescriptions for the beneficiaries.

Now these guys probably are losing big bucks giving away meds the feds should have been paying for, I've been doing it myself (fortunately I work for a company that makes a fucbillion dollars a second & can afford to ride out this fed screwing), and they are probably getting paid less that it costs them to fill some of these Medicare Rx's, as insurance reimbursements to pharmacies have been getting squeezed for years, the biggest reason your friendly corner drugstore is going the way of the dinosaur. So why on earth would I take delight in the financial suffering of my fellow members of the profession? Karma baby....this whole Medicare Part D(isater) is karma coming around and smacking these boys in the face. I'll elaborate:

Most pharmacists are pansy products of privilege, who have never faced any adversity in their life, & think just because they were able to memorize a shitload and a half of information to get through pharmacy school and land a good paying job, then there is no reason why everyone can't do the same. This makes them good Republicans, who as a party can't understand why everyone on earth can't be in the 90th percentile. Because of this, Republicans & (most)Pharmacists love to look down on and screw people lower on the societal food chain than them. (most) Pharmacists HATE Medicaid customers, you should hear the comments they won't say to your face poor people. (I on the other hand, while I hate a lot of customers for a lot of reasons, never have a quarrel with how money ends up in my pocket. I'm fully aware that I am a welfare queen, that the money the state spends to take care of the health needs of the poor flows into my paycheck.) Now, here's the thing; while (most) pharmacists think of themselves as among the elite of society, playing with their online brokerage accounts and relaxing in their McMansions, the people who live in the REAL mansions and have a REAL broker managing a hedge fund on their speed dial have decided it's the pharmacists turn for a screwing. The Republicans who wrote this Medicare Part D(isaster) bill bent over backwards to make sure Big Pharma....Pfizer, Merck, Glaxo Smith Kline and the bunch, would not see 1 cent of their enormous profits jeopardized with this plan, so bend over you Republican voting pharmacist stooge, and grab your ankles for the benefit of your social betters....but hey.....you've been so loyal to us in the past, we'll give you a few minutes face time with an aide to the President....hopefully so you'll continue to be stupid enough to let us screw you again in the future.....:)

Oh....and the prescriptions those boys are complaining about, where we end up giving meds to the patient so they don't die, those are more than likely for what they call "dual eligible" patients. Meaning the feds took over responsibility for drug coverage for people that had both Medicaid and Medicare coverage, and have promptly fucked it up. So it's the Medicaid people that (most)pharmacists hate so much that are the vehicle that the Republicans are using to screw 'em.....gotta love it when the karma works out so perfectly.....

What Do You Suppose The Pope Has On His Ipod?

From the Catholic News Service:

Pope Benedict XVI recently visited the Vatican Radio headquarters to celebrate the station's 75th anniversary, where the employees presented him with a white iPod nano with "To His Holiness, Benedict XVI" engraved on the back.


So I'm thinking.....and I have absolutely nothing to back this up.....ABBA.

I don't know why, but I can totally see the Pope, in his little Pope hat, dancing around the chambers of the Vatican, singing to no one in particular.....

You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen

Maybe it's time for me to get to bed....

Can't Get Those Amputees Off My Mind.....

....so I remember hearing about this a couple years ago, and was thinking of it again during the middle of a particularly suck-ass workday. From Reuters:

A disabled Mississippi man said he was planning to amputate his feet with a home-made guillotine and broadcast the procedure live on the Internet to raise money for new prosthetic legs.

Paul Morgan, a 33-year-old student who was paralyzed below the knees after falling out of a truck in 1986, seized upon the idea after his insurance company refused to pay to have his lower legs amputated and fitted with titanium prosthetic devices.

The sane among you might be asking "Why on earth would my pharmacist be thinking of a lunatic in Mississippi who wants to cut off his feet while he's filling my prescription?" Fair enough question, with a simple answer. I hate you, remember? And when I originally heard about this guy's plan I remember doing the math with the number of subscribers he was hoping to get and realizing it would have grossed about $2 million bucks, enough to throw somewhere at 5% interest, buy a prosthesis, never have to see you or any other freaky customer ever again, and have $100,000k to work with every year. (Unfortunately it didn't work out for the guy from Mississippi. According to my Google search just now on the topic, only about 20 people signed up. No word on if his insurance company ever changed it's mind.)


And as evidence that my plan was feasible I submit this, from ABC News:

Feb. 20, 2005 — In June 2003, Army Capt. David Rozelle lost his right foot in a land mine explosion in Iraq.

After intensive physical therapy, watching the birth of his son and even participating in the New York City Marathon, Rozelle is returning to the war zone as commander of an armored cavalry troop. He'll be the first amputee in recent military history to return to the battlefield where he was injured.

So I'm thinking there's a lot of upside potential to this amputation business. Not only could it get me out of a lifetime of customer hell, maybe we could start some sort of proactive amputation of soldiers before they were deployed to one of Mr. Bush's current or future wars. It would make them smaller targets, send battlefield casualty rates through the floor, and save the country millions I bet. Better living through fewer limbs.....

So I'm searching myself.....

....actually searching *for* myself....my blog....here on blogger.com and I come across this:

"Rx Radio Live by America's Pharmacist Kemi Olunloyo Lane Pharm.D This is the weblog for the upcoming show RX Radio. The show is based out of Atlanta, Georgia and it's a call in show where you can ask me a question. There are several issues in today's pharmaceutical world from drug recalls to side effects to insurance issues and both compliance and abuse issues"


Let's hope for the sake of her radio career that her spoken English isn't nearly as awkward as her written words. That's just painful to read.



"Stay tuned as I will be on the air doing what I do best in my life! Counseling patients at the Pharmacy."


So I suppose professionally I would be this woman's evil twin. If I ever thought what I do best in life is answering the old folks questions as to Meatmusil Vs. Citrucel, I think I would kill myself.


She has this to say about a recent episode of "Desperate Housewives":

"The truth is that we do not kill people on purpose because of trying to win the love of someone else's spouse."

Uh.....yeah.....thanks for clearing that up there Kemi...cause you know.....I've had 5 or 6 people worried over the course of my career that I was the one who killed their spouse because I was hot for them. IT'S A TV SHOW YOU FUCKING NERD!!!!!!

Do you see now why I don't hang out with the people I work with?


So if you want the scoop on how to keep yourself pooping on a regular schedule, by all means tune in to Kemi on 1010 WGUN there in Atlanta. I'm pretty sure I'll be doing other things with my Saturday nights.


Oh...and in Kemi's profile she lists her favorite book as the "Holy" Bible....Jihadist alert. You've been warned.