"How Else Am I Gonna Take It?"

I sympathized with the question, as label directions that read "Take 1 tablet by mouth three times a day" do seem to excessively basic to most people. I wish I would have had a time machine in the store at that moment though, as I would have whisked the gentleman accusing me of insulting his intelligence back to when I was an intern and introduced him to a lady who came to the counter to complain that the antibiotic she had bought the other day wasn't working for her child, and also to ask how she was supposed to get all this pink stuff out of her kid's ear. You see, the antibiotic was a liquid.....a pink liquid. And since the directions had told her to give a teaspoonful three times a day, and the infection was in the child's ear......yup.....you've probably figured out the rest.

We also make it a point to make sure the word "unwrap" is in the directions of any suppository prescription.

So Much To Hate, So Little Time

Been awhile since your drugnazi has had a chance to tend to his blog I know, But I saw a story in today's Washington Post and knew a rant would be in order. The right wing jihadists are at it again, and they're hoping to enlist the drugnazi to do their dirty work for them. The gist of it is this; "11 states are considering laws to let a pharmacist refuse to fill a prescription for birth control, emergency contraception, or any other medication that they decided violated their system of personal belief" (Quote from the Center for American Progress) You can take a look at the whole article here: http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn/A5490-2005Mar27?language=printer

Now, generally I hesitate to give these Cro-Magnon freak of nature dung heaps any advice (I think their main reason for raising such a ruckus about keeping Terry Shivo "alive" is that she has more brain function at this point than they do), but they may want to be careful about giving the drugnazi the power of the words "any other medication." I'll illustrate.....

"I'm sorry sir, as a vegetarian I cannot in good conscience fill your cholesterol prescription, as I am sure McDonald's and the wide variety of animal murdering merchants of death who do business in this country were instrumental in putting you in your current physical state"

"Well ma'am, if you hadn't spent the last 60 years of your life stuffing your face with Twinkies, Cheetos, and mounds upon mounds of whatever fried, processed, carb and sugar loaded crap you could get your fat little fingers on, you wouldn't need this diabetes medicine. In a world where billions have to get by on less that a dollar a day and don't have a choice not to exercise like you never do, I find filling this prescription to be morally reprehensible. You'll have to go elsewhere."

Or my favorite:

"My religious beliefs require me to sit and eat three times a day. Since I work a 10 hour shift and am not allowed to leave the store, you're just going to have to suffer until I am done with my ritual nourishment."

On a serious note. I noticed in the article that some pharmacists are refusing to fill birth control for unmarried women. I would certainly hope that to be consistent, they are inquiring into the marital status of every old geezer lining up to get his monthly Viagra allotment, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and bet that that isn't happening.

All right......next post I'll get back to freaky customer stories, I promise. Until then, bring down the wrath of the drugnazi on any self-righteous little prick who puts himself in the role of god, be he pharmacist or not.

Nothing but a test, move along

I'm just putting this picture in the blog so I'll have a web page to link to in my profile. This is not a real post. It is not designed to be read.

Sometimes I hate other pharmacists too.....

must be something in the air.....or more likely that I'm in a mood where my wrath has moved from customers to my colleagues. But I'm actually going to do something helpful to the public in this post. Keep reading and I'll tell you an easy way to see if your pharmacist knows what they're talking about.

Just go to the counter and ask what they recommend for heartburn. If they just blurt out "Prilosec OTC" without asking you any questions, their feeble little minds have been duped by the marketing machine that is the pharmaceutical industry. Here's why; Prilosec takes a few days to reach maximum effect. So if you just ate too much of grandma's spaghetti and it's mounting an after dinner attack, then Prilosec is not for you, unless said attack becomes a chronic thing. Want proof? Just look at a box of the Prilosec or go to their official site: http://www.prilosecotc.com/index.jsp They are very upfront that this med is to be used for FREQUENT heartburn. If you find yourself reaching for an antacid day after day, then you should start thinking about the Prilosec, ideally after taking to your doctor in order to rule out other conditions.

A real pharmacist would do the following: 1) Ask you if your heartburn is frequent or just an occasional thing. If it's occasional and mild, a quick acting antacid such as Maalox or Mylanta will do you just fine. If it's occasional and bad, try a combination product called Pepcid Complete (This is a product that stole an idea of mine years ago to combine a quick acting but short effect antacid with a slow onset but long lasting one. I'm still waiting for my royalty check) Only if it's CHRONIC should the word "Prilosec" come out of their mouth. We have reached the point where "shiny box syndrome", the tendency of customers to buy and doctors to prescribe whatever the TV says is new and expensive, has started to make inroads into the last holdouts, the pharmacists. I therefore give you permission to put the curse of the drugnazi on any white coated nerd who reaches for Prilosec without question.

Oh The Weather Outside Is Frightful.....

....at the end of February....snow, wind, sleet, ice, California mudslides, you name it, and the drugnazi has had to drive through it to get to his room full of pills. Not because there are poor sick people out there who need their medicine mind you, but most of the time because some damn moron with a small penis has to prove his manhood to himself by driving his SUV through whatever so he can get to the store and act like everything is normal. Last blizzard we had I payed attention to the few idiots who showed up to see what they made me put my life on the line for so they could buy. First person I saw was checking out with a copy of the National Enquirer and a bag of jellybeans. I really feel sorry for that guy's wife if his performance was that inadequate that this was the only way he could think of himself as a man. I imagined the scene as he returned home......

"Ho hum..... just another day at the office....look honey....I stopped at the store on the way home to get your favorite....jellybeans!!!! and I know how much you love reading about that wacky Michael Jackson....so I picked up this magazine as I was checking out.........what? 2 feet of snow?.......why....I didn't notice......um...no I didn't call the doctor..........I told you......I was just stressed out......it happens to every guy eventually.....I'M NOT CALLING THE DOCTOR!!!! NOW SHUT UP!!!!! He then storms out to try and drive the SUV to the nearest bar.....

For the record.....I drove a Honda Accord at the time......and nothing made me happier than the time I left a Ford Explorer in a snowbank...:)

I miss the Romans.....

Ok, this doesn't have much to do with work, but I came across this article at lunch yesterday: http://www.inthesetimes.com/site/main/article/1915/ Can we start feeding these people to the lions again? I think it would be a win win. They'd get to act all sactimonious and holy because they'd be dying for their friggin' savior and all, and we'd get to watch them turned into animal poo. The Romans had it together man.....not to mention the orgies.....

Generally It's Considered Impolite......

....to carry on a conversation with someone in front of a third person in a language they don't understand. I, however, have forever lost my right to complain about this, but it was so worth it.

We have a mean, nasty little old lady customer who comes in regularly. Doesn't speak a word of English, which is a good thing, lest we be exposed to more of her personality. I wish I could tell you her name, but federal privacy law works against the interest of the story here. Let's just say the name is identical to a very well known 70's classic rock anthem. For real. The woman is named after a pop tune that almost every english-speaker in the country would be able to name in under 5 notes. It has a very distinctive drumbeat, which sometimes I'll start pounding on the counter when she comes in the door. Me and the clerk working the cash register will recite the lyrics as she is waiting for her prescription, totally oblivious as to why sometimes we even break out into song. If she were a nice person, I might feel bad about it..... No, I probably wouldn't, but I wouldn't think it as funny as I do now......so go ahead...... talk away in Spanish or any other language of your choice in front of my lilly-white gringo butt......I deserve it....

My secret plan to win the Nobel Prize In Medicine....

by reading the rest of this post, you agree not to "borrow" this idea and steal the Nobel prize from underneath my feet. Especially if you're one of the world's major drug companies, as you have enough friggin' money already.

Ok....so before I spring the Nobel secret on you, I'll have to give you some background information. My little plot will end up ridding the world of turburculosis, the respiratory infection that has plagued humankind since probably close to the time people began to breathe. TB is treatable today, for the most part. The problem is, you'll have to take a combination of antibiotics every day, on time, for months on end. This is a pain in the ass as you can imagine. But if you don't take the meds as scheduled, you're helping the little bugs inside your lungs get used to the antibiotics, and you know the deal about what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Yup, having TB sucks in many ways. The resistance problem isn't helped by the people who were only *exposed* to the disease, but haven't developed it yet. These folks usually take an antibiotic, isoniazid, the same way, for months on end, every day, and these people feel just fine. Not a good recipe for compliance.

Now let me introduce you to #2 in my list of the 10 different types of pharmacy customers. If you would like to see one in person, just wander into any drugstore on a Friday night. They'll be explaining how they lost their pain med....maybe their dog ate it (and somehow had no side effects). They'll be coming in for a refill on a 30 day supply of their Tylenol with Codeine #3 on the 15th day, for the 4th month in a row. They'll be bringing me a 3rd prescription for the same medicine from a 3rd doctor. They'll be explaining how they had to take twice as much because one dose was for their foot pain and the next dose was for their back. Yup....meet the addict. Every drugstore has a few. Gotta be firm with them because they can sense weakness. I've been begged to, propositioned, threatened, offered money on the side, and cursed at (it's never good to curse at a drugnazi, story for another time) It comes with the territory of having a job working in a room full of narcotics. I'm used to it.

So what's this got to do with me taking a little trip to Norway to get a medal from the king you say? Simple. Four words, Isoniazid with codeine #3. Can you imagine it? People lining up at the pharmacy on Friday nights, telling me......"you don't understand!!!!!!! I NEED my TB medicine NOW!!!!!!!" The scourge that has been civilization's unwanted companion from time eternal would be banished from our planet within a year, future rap stars hustling isoniazid on the streets, to ensure it will never return.

My next plan involves Vicodin and the flu vaccine.........

Not To Be Solely Negative.....

.....there are parts of my job that I don't hate. Emergency Contraception for instance. I work in a state where you can get the "morning after" pill from me, as opposed to having to get a prescription from your doctor. At first, I admit it, I thought it was just gonna be a big pain in the ass to deal with. But here's the thing, when these women come to the counter, they're in a jam and need help, and if you go to the most hardened, crusty, cynical healthcare professional and strip away the years of lifeplaque that the workplace has deposited around their soul, you'll find at the core that the reason they went into this profession so long ago had at least something to do with helping people. Secondly, every time I do an emergency contraception fill, it's like sticking a finger in the eye and sending out a big 'ol F**K YOU to every right wing jihadist that runs this country today. You see, the morning after pill should by the standards applied to every other drug, already be available completely over the counter. An FDA advisory committee recommended that it's status should be switched, only to be overruled by the FDA as a whole. Tell any health care professional that. That the FDA overruled one of it's advisory committees. I'll guarentee you what they'll say......... "They never do that!!" do it to three or four people, it'll be like you're in your own little Seinfeld episode with a running gag line.

So if they "never do that" why did they this time? Simple. Politics. Because this administration hates women and would rather keep them tied down, poor and controlled with an unwanted child than by having to compete with them on the open job market. That's why I don't mind making the dmv wonders and vicodin addicts wait a little bit so I can fill out the paperwork involved in an emergency contraception filling. There are few things I can do during the workday more important than keeping a woman out from under the control of George W Bush and his ilk.

I theorize that pretty much every customer.....

That walks into a pharmacy can be put into one of no more than 10 categories. I haven't fully developed this yet, so I don't have all the categories down, however, one would be the "dmv wonder", so named because I would like to follow one of these customers some time as they attempt to register their car with the dmv. These are the customers that have no idea they are out of refills, then come in at 10 o'clock at night after they've already missed a couple of doses, the customers that have a new insurance card, are aware they have a new insurance card, but did not bring said card with them, the customer who had a "blue diabetes pill" filled through a mail order pharmacy 6 months ago and comes to the counter with nothing but this vague description. In each of these cases, although the customer has all the tools to make the transaction go smoothly, they either choose not to use them or aren't smart enough to pull it off, and I'm the one who has to make it right. Clue number 1 as to why your prescription takes so damn long to fill; I spend a lot of time doing things like tracking down mystery insurance cards and phone numbers to pharmacies far away so me and another pharmacist can put our heads together and see if there are any diabetes meds on your profile that might be blue.

So I wonder what happens to these people when they show up to register that car they drove to the store. Paperwork has to be in order or you get right back to the end of the line. The bureaucrat behind the counter is under no obligation to be nice to you as I theoretically am. Do they go to the counter and say they need to register their blue car? I wonder this sometimes as I watch them waddle out the door after I have solved their little self-created crisis for them.

Related to the "DMV wonders" would be the "life wonders"; people so out of it I seriously wonder how they get through life without hurting themselves. A few years back I read a story in the paper about a woman in a town a few miles over whose child had acquired head lice. Hearing from somewhere that an effective cure would be to pour gasoline on the little bugs, she attempted to do so.........with a lit cigarette in her mouth. Third degree burns were the result. Sometimes evidently they *don't* get through life without serious injury.

I'll bet the woman was well known to her pharmacist long before this incident.