Auralgan Update: Deston Therapeutics President And CEO David M. Preston Is A Far Bigger Douche Bag Than I Ever Could Have Imagined.

Evidently I have a lot to learn about what it takes to make it in the world of business.

I almost.....almost.....said something in my last post about the rip-off that is new formula Auralgan that I bet the price is somewhere around 40 or 50 bucks.

I mean after all, the old formula Auralgan that you can no longer get if your doctor writes the word "Auralgan" on your prescription pad runs about 15 dollars. I figured tripling the price would be about par for the course for the type of asshole who would engage in this type of maneuver.

A comment on that post gave me my first clue. I woefully underestimated the assholiness involved here. Retail price of the new Auarlgan?

$214.99.

That wasn't a typo. Two hundred and fifteen fucking dollars.

Let's recap: Deston Therapeutics bought the rights to the name "Auralgan", made some changes to the formula, like adding some vinegar, wait.....excuse me....acetic acid, and jacked up the price 14 times.

Let's also mention the price of a competing product that uses an antibiotic that doesn't do double duty on the condiment rack:

Cortisportin Otic: $79.55. Generic: $21.99

Wanna throw in a pain reliever? Sure.....

Oticaine Otic: $18.99 (All prices from Drugstore.com)

So.......if you are a doctor planning on writing prescriptions for the anal rape in a bottle that is the reformulated Auralgan.... please.....please.....hit yourself in the face really hard right now.

The whole thing kinda makes me feel like I've insulted the honorable people at Massengill when I so freely use the word "douche bag" in reference to Deston Therapeutics president and CEO David M. Preston. I mean after all, Massingill only charges $4.69 for their vinegar and water.

That doesn't mean you can put a douche in your ear though. Do not put a douche in your ear. I mean that.

The Final Results Of My Last Blog Poll, Brought To You By ES&S® Corporation.

I was very lucky to secure the help ES&S Corporation, the same people who helped the good folks of Florida's 13th Congressional District conduct their last congressional election, in tabulating my blog poll results. The final numbers?

Politics in a landslide. 80 percent of you in my poll said that you wanted to hear more about politics, and I couldn't be happier. I mean after all, the affairs of this country are far more important than my cat Spooky or freaky customers, as entertaining as either of those choices might be. You did the right thing by voting for politics my dear readers, and I'm proud of you.

I also could not be more confident in the results, based on ES&S's track record of accurately counting votes.



For those of you too lazy to click on the vid, I'll tell you there's good reason to believe that ES&S's miscounting of votes put the wrong person in Congress. Unless you think 18,000 people showed up across Florida's 13th district to cast ballots in the last Congressional election and then decided not to vote for a Congressional candidate.

Because that's what ES&S says happened. Thousands of people showing up to vote then not voting in a very competitive Congressional race. Make your own judgment on how plausible that is.

Actually I lied. The part about people showing up across the whole district was wrong. It was only in one county where 18,000 people showed up not to vote. The county where the Democrat had her largest base of support. In every other county there didn't seem to be a problem with people showing up and then not casting a ballot for Congress. I'm not saying ES&S intentionally changed the outcome of an election, but it is kinda funny how these type of fuckups only seem to affect Democrats....

The other 20% of votes in the blog poll went to my cat Spooky. This was her reaction upon hearing the news:




"Spooky jump because Spooky happy" said my cat in a prepared statement. "No one vote for Spooky before for anything. Spooky think this sets good stage for Spooky run for Governor next year if Spooky get right campaign manager"

Whereupon I witnessed my cat take a phone call from ES&S President and CEO Aldo Tesi.

My friends, this night I am very afraid.

Disclaimer. The part about the Florida Congressional election and ES&S' involvement in it is true. The part about ES&S tabulating my blog poll results and my cat issuing press releases is not.

It's Not The Worst Thing Big Pharma Has Done, But It Is Pretty Damn Annoying.

Actually, to call Deston Therapeutics Big Pharma would be insulting to the likes of Merck. It would be kinda stretching it to even call Deston Therapeutics Medium Pharma, but they have plans to change that. Big plans. If all goes well, loads of cash will soon be rolling in Deston Therapeutics' front door from sales of their new blockbuster product, Auralgan.

"Have you been taking the LSD again Drugmonkey?" I can hear you saying, "Auralgan has been around since Moses. No one's gonna make money off an old med that gets substituted nearly 100% of the time now. "

You'd be partly right. Auralgan has been around forever. For those of you not in the profession I'll tell you Auralgan is a pain relieving ear drop. The generic equivalents of Auralgan captured so much of the market that Wyeth, a real big pharma company, gave up making the brand name a few years ago. Most people didn't notice. Like I said, every prescription for Auralgan was getting filled with the generic anyway.

Most doctors are in the habit of writing the brand name on your prescription pad though. It's easier to write "Auralgan" than it is "antipyrine and benzocaine" That is the key to Deston Therapeutics plan to hit the big time.

Deston Therapeutics bought the name "Auralgan" from Wyeth, changed the formula, and started selling the new formula under the old name. That means if you fill a prescription written today for "Auralgan" the way you've filled one for the last zillion years, you've filled it wrong. There is no generic for the new Auralgan.

I interviewed Deston Therapeutics president and CEO David M. Preston in my imagination to get his take on the story:

Me: "So.......what the hell?"

Preston: "It's like this Drugmonkey, we at Doston Therapeutics don't have the integrity or work ethic to come out with a product we could sell based on the merits of its effectiveness, so we figured a disingenuous move such as this could lay a good foundation, both financially and ethically, towards the day when we are the type of company who can make their money withholding the results of scientific data, the way Merck and Schering do."

Me: "You do realize that 99.9% of doctors writing a prescription for Auralgan are intending to prescribe only a pain reliever, and not a pain reliever combined with mild anti-bacterial and anti fungal agents."

Preston: "You think we care?"

Me: "I see. I notice you've chosen acetic acid as your anti-bacterial ingredient. Do you know the common name for acetic acid?"

Preston: "I cannot comment on trade secrets"

Me: "Acetic acid is vinegar and you know it douchebag. Can I use Auralgan to sprinkle across my fish and chips?"

Preston: "As long as you pay us."

Me: "Is that a toupée you're wearing?"

Preston: "Get out of my office"

I Explain The Mess In Iraq With Two Quotes, Three Days After I Solved The Nation's Health Care Crisis With One Sentence.

Do you know the difference between a Shiite and a Sunni? Do you know that they HATE each other? Do you know they both live in Iraq? That they HATE each other? If so you're ahead of this guy:

“I thought it was differences in their religion, different families or something”

When given the scoop on the Shiites and Sunni's, who HATE each other, and have lots and lots of weapons in a country where 140,000 American troops are dispersed amongst almost 30,000,000 Iraqis, this is what he had to say:

“Now that you’ve explained it to me, what occurs to me is that it makes what we’re doing over there extremely difficult.”

It would be one thing if this were some random numbnut. It's not. The clueless one is a man named Terry Everett.

Terry Everett is a member of Congress.

He sits on the Armed Services Committee.

And the Intelligence Committee. Making the irony of his having this revelation more than 3 years after the war started all the richer.

I have also found evidence that Terry Everett may harbor fantasies of destroying the nation's capitol with warplanes and helicopters. This is an unaltered picture from his official website:



We're fucked.

Canadian Health Care, Part II

A question for my little blog garden's readership:

What would you think of me if I made my argument in favor of a Canadian-style health care system like this?

I bet the American one who slipped across the border and pretended to be Canadian because he couldn't afford to see a doctor would rather be covered by Canadian health insurance.

And I'm pretty sure the other guy I know who put off going to the hospital because he couldn't afford it and then died would rather have had Canadian health insurance as well.

While American health care means you can have a $100,000 thermonuclear powered ass scan if you can afford it, these anecdotal examples that I haven't shown I didn't pull out of my ass show that American health care does, in fact suck.

If I said something like that you'd more than likely think I was an idiot, and you'd more than likely be right. Keep that in mind as you read this comment:

I'm pretty sure the Canadian one who's family remortgaged their home to keep him is a US ICU instead of a Canadian one would have preferred my $50 co-pay. I'm also pretty sure the guy I know who bought an insulin pump out of his own pocket would have preferred my $10 co-pay.

While Canadian health care means anyone who needs to be in a hospital gets to be in a hospital, it does in fact, suck.

Now I'm not saying the commenter is an idiot, just that they framed their argument the same way an idiot would. That's all.

Thing is, that was the best comment I got after I posted how a majority of American doctors now support a national health care system. I also got a smattering of worn-out right wing dittohead doctrine and someone who said they read a story once about a guy with a brain tumor. Not the actual story mind you, just a comment that a story was once read. Interestingly enough, no one who wrote me to trash the Canadian health care system was an actual Canadian. It would seem the only evidence Americans can come up with to defend our for-profit health care is anecdotal.

Would you like to see some real evidence instead?

Canadians live longer than Americans.

Canadians spend just over half of what Americans do for health care on a per person basis.

That means tomorrow we could cover everyone, throw in an extra $700 per person every year for mad money, and still spend 30% less on health care than we spend today. Thirty percent off the nation's health care bill would be like fighting the war in Iraq for free. Twice. And you'd still have that extra $700 per person every year to go towards things like thurmonuclear ass scans.

No wonder people who disagree with me sound like idiots. They don't have another alternative.

Wake up and realize you're getting ripped off.

Like I've Always Said, Ronald Reagan Totally Knew What He Was Talking About.

Actually, no, I've never said that. But even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in awhile. Here's Reagan espousing an eternal truth regarding health care policy:

Are you willing to spend time studying the issues, making yourself aware, and then conveying that information to family and friends? ......Realize that the doctor's fight against socialized medicine is your fight.

Yeah. Nobody knows more about health care than doctors. Reagan understood this. We must heed the doctors call....we must, as Reagan said, realize the doctor's fight is our own:

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - More than half of U.S. doctors now favor switching to a national health care plan and fewer than a third oppose the idea, according to a survey published on Monday.

How about that. Doctors know best. Just like Reagan said.

No one knows better than doctors how we spend more on health care than any other country in the world. How we could take the money we spend on Medicaid and Medicare alone, make a Xerox copy of the Canadian health care system, cover every person in this country, and have cash left over.

Read that last sentence again. I just solved this country's health care crisis in 29 words. Christ I'm a genius.

For those of you who are gonna tell me now about how much the Canadian health care system sucks, you can do so just as soon as you can find a Canadian who'll trade their heath coverage for whatever card you're carrying around in your pocket. Go ahead and look. Until you find one, we'll just work off the assumption that me and most of the doctors in this country are right. Reagan knew you could trust me and the doctors. Not the Physician's Assistants though. No matter what their position on national health care, I'm not sure I'll ever trust a Physician's Assistant.

So will you make yourself aware? Please? Then convey that information to family and friends? Like Reagan would have wanted you to? Will you follow your doctor's prescription before it's too late?

On everything else Reagan was wrong though.

Thanks to the alert reader who tipped me to the doctor survey.

What Happens At Homeland Security Headquarters, Stays At Homeland Security Headquarters.

OK......so maybe.....maybe....the kneeler is some sort of Secret Service type with a legitimate business interest in George's crotch, but there can be no possible excuse for Mr. Grinning In The Rear that doesn't involve sweet love making:




Mr. Kneeler: "I can't find it!"

Mr. Grinner: "Oh you just keep looking Bob....... I can't help but to notice you have a nice wide stance sir."

Bush: "Are you sure it's time for another colonoscopy? I thought for sure I just had one."

Grinner: "Oh it's time.... you did slip in the roofies didn't you, Bob?"

Bush: "I don't have time to worry about the Goddamn roof! I have a meeting.....ugh....er......getting sleepy.......feeling happy......"

In the next room, Laura was grateful to have been relieved of her special burden, if only for one night.

Disclaimer: everything under the picture is made up. Thanks to the alert reader who pointed me to it.

I Don't Like The Service At Gas Stations In The Alternate Universe Very Much

So in my dream my tire went flat, and I was at the gas station waiting for it to get fixed.

You ever get into a philosophical discussion with one of your nerdier friends, usually after ingestion of some alcohol, and your nerdy friend will ask how you know that when you're dreaming that the dream isn't the real world?

I long ago developed an answer. I have some pretty nerdy friends.

It all comes down to the time and place. When you go to bed you'll wake up where you went to sleep. Go to bed on Monday night and you'll wake up on Tuesday morning. When you slip into dreamland though, you can be in elementary school one moment, flying around chasing evil Frankenstein monsters in New Jersey a second later, then the next time you go to sleep be back behind the pharmacy counter. God I hate it when I dream about being at work. Anyway, you get my point. You can pretty much count on where you're gonna be in the world of the awake, and that's how you know it's the real one.

Thing is, during my dream about the gas station, I kept waking up, and when I went back to sleep, the dream would pick up again right where it left off. It took the dipshit at the gas station several tries and forever to fix my tire, and I would wake up and go back to sleepyland several times to see him still working on it. Last night I could pretty much count on where I was gonna be when I was both asleep and awake.

I don't think I need to tell you the implications of this. Obviously last night I stumbled across a portal into an alternate reality. Somehow I had always imagined something like this being more exciting.

I can report though that they have hamburgers in the alternate universe, and that it takes a tow truck forever to show up.

I like this reality better, mostly because in this reality I'm not so damn helpless as to not be able to change my own flat tire.

Angry Pharmacist? Is That You?

Local Pharmacist Ira Freeman of Key Pharmacy is in his 11th day of a 15 day fast to protest the Governor’s proposed 10% reduction in Medi-Cal spending, which he says will negatively affect all Medi-Cal beneficiaries and the pharmacies that serve them.

“The Medi-Cal population is very vulnerable and these budget cuts put providers in a compromising position of either going out of business or turning patients away. It’s a no win situation,” said Freeman.

I know times are tough for you independents Angry Pharmacist, but I mean really, is this necessary? I'm sure the Governator and the legislature will work something out.

Or maybe you just got hit with a wave of customers, haven't been able to get away from the pharmacy counter for 11 days, and decided to at least get some publicity out of the deal. That would be kinda smart.

Smarter than the way the Angriest Pharmacist announced he was going on a 5 day fast once he heard the news.

Disclaimer: The story about the hunger-striking pharmacist is true. The part about it being the Angry Pharmacist is not, I just thought it would be kinda funny if it was.

And really, if it did turn out to be the case, would you be at all surprised if the Angriest Pharmacist tried to horn in on the limelight? Of course you wouldn't.

Oh, and I played editor with the first paragraph I pasted here, because the way the original press release was written hurt my eyes.

Thanks to the alert reader who sent me a tip.

A Quick Question to 80% Of The People I've Ever Told We Were Out Of Something.

What makes you think I would know if another store has it? You just saw that I had to go check to see if my own damn store had it. Do you really think I am more familiar with the inventory of another store than I am with my own?

Next time I'm going to fuck with you. "Yes, the Walgreens on the other side of town has it. They're kinda stingy with it though, so you have to be real adamant about asking for it, and don't take no for an answer. Ask for George. George is the key to getting this product. Definitely. "

As soon as I say that though, it will dawn on you that there's no way I could know this. Yet you will never realize what a stupid question you just asked.

Dumbass.