Tuesday, September 08, 2015

Wisdom Teeth Are Proof Of Intelligent Design. Because God Had Every Reason To Give You Too Many Teeth To Fit In Your Mouth.

Not to mention tonsils and the appendix.

Psalm 139:14 -I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

Except for the fact that the openings of the esophagus and trachea are too close together. Easy to choke and die that way.

  Matthew 5:48  -You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

And cholesterol that can build up in coronary arteries is then somehow an instrument of perfection, even though a guy working for General Motors who came up with a system like that would have been fired.

Hangnails. The fact that a little piece of snot can make it hard to breathe. Lenses in your eye that wear out and make it harder to focus on things up close. I'm on a roll now.

I see god in the fact that my testicles are hanging out there for anyone to take a whack at. A turtle has a friggin' shell over his whole body for chrissakes. Putting a little protection over the boys was too much?

Ever see a leopard with a twisted ankle? Then why the hell are ours made like that?

Menstrual cycles? Really? And tartar that builds up on the last set of teeth you're ever gonna get.

Not to mention my favorite. Who the fuck designed the prostate gland? WHO. THE FUCK. DESIGNED THE PROSTATE GLAND???? Let's take a thing that gets bigger with age and wrap it around the pee tube. THE PEE TUBE! What a great fucking idea. How do you get rid of a good chunk of your body's metabolic waste? YOU PEE IT OUT! How do you regulate the body's osmotic balance? BY BEING ABLE TO PEE OUT EXCESS WATER! WHICH MEANS IT'S KIND OF IMPORTANT TO BE ABLE TO PEE! YET YOU BIBLE THUMPING IDIOTS CLAIM PUTTING SOMETHING THAT'S GONNA SWELL AND GET BIGGER AROUND THE PEE TUBE IS A GRAND IDEA!

WWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYY????????????????????

It's an interesting little catch-22 really. Belief that god made you prefect is evidence in itself of your imperfection. If this is what your little imaginary friend came up with when he went for perfect, I'm kinda glad it's us people who design airplanes.

Monday, September 07, 2015

Here's A Reason Why You Have to Be Reminded That Certain Lives Matter.

Kenneth Foster was no saint. He was once young and dumb and stupid and did some dumb and stupid things. Hung out with bad people. Committed crimes. No one disputes that.

Just like no one disputes that he didn't kill Michael LaHood. No one. Not even the man who prosecuted Foster for LaHood's murder. He freely admits that Foster did not pull the trigger. That he was 80 feet away in his car when his friend gunned LaHood down.

He never got out.

He never pulled the trigger.

He had to ask his friend what happened when his friend came running back to the car.

And he was convicted of murder and sent to Death Row. He came within three hours of being executed. I shit you not.

He was convicted under the Texas "law of parties" which holds that anyone who had any part in a crime can be held responsible for murder if they "should have anticipated" that one of their accomplice's actions would lead to someone's death.

Which means Kenneth Foster was basically set to be put to death for failing to be psychic. Had he not managed to attract the attention of the media he most likely would have been. Norman Evans Green was not so lucky. He was executed in 1999 for his part in a botched robbery. When another man was the actual shooter.

I'm not making any of this up.

Now let's go to Cleveland, where Michael Brelo was accused of firing 49 times through the windshield of a car in which, unsurprisingly, both driver and passenger died. For the last 15 shots  he climbed on top of the hood of the vehicle and was firing inside. This man had accomplices too, who also were firing. A total of 137 bullets were sent the victims way, and no one disputes this man was responsible for 49 of them.

Of course he was charged too. With...voluntary manslaughter. And acquitted. No one disputes he shot at two people 49 times, and he was found not guilty. 

Norman Evans Green pulled no triggers, and he's rotting away today in his grave.

Kenneth Foster pulled no triggers, and is rotting away serving life in prison.

Michael Brelo pulled a trigger 49 times and for all we know could be screwing his wife right now and planning to go out to dinner afterwards.

Now take a wild-ass guess as to the respective races of Foster, Green, and Brelo. And maybe a guess as to what Brelo did for a living. I bet you'll get it.

Now ask yourself why these Black Lives Matter people seem to be so angry. Take a good look deep into yourself and ask that question.

I'm not as confident you'll get that one.

Sunday, September 06, 2015

A Bit Of Nazi History And An Insight Into My Mind.

Adolf Hitler came to power through a series of free and fair elections.

He worked his and his Nazi party's way through the German parliamentary system, gradually gaining votes and seats until his was the biggest bloc in the Reichstag, or German parliament.

But he wasn't quite where he wanted to be. There were still people who could legally tell Hitler to piss off, and Hitler didn't like that. Then came the Reichstag fire. Right during the runup to the next set of elections someone went and burned down the Reichstag building.

Now imagine the US Congress burned down right before a presidential election. Let's say it would have happened in 2004, right as W was trying for another term. Can you imagine how the feds would have reacted? Actually you don't have to if you just remember what happened after 9/11. I'm looking at you PATRIOT act, warrantless phone tapping, military detention without trial and Guantanamo.

Now imagine it wasn't W in charge during a time of national crisis but Hitler. You don't have to be a genius to see this Reichstag fire thing came at an awful convenient time for a power hungry fiend looking for a reason to consolidate his rule.

And you don't have to be much of a conspiracy theorist to speculate as to who might have set that fire.

Which is why every time I hear this song, I always imagine a scene in a Mel Brooks-like "History of The World" type movie. It would be  a kind of dance number thing, with uniformed Nazi's holding torches moving in perfect choreography as they set torch to the last speck of German democracy. The flames go up and the lights go out for Europe.

I can see it it my head. The whole dance number. Every time I hear this song. Tell me it isn't perfect.