Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Of Ham Sandwiches And Burning Walgreens

If there's nothing else I want you to know about what's going on in Ferguson this night, only one point I could get across to you before you drift over to the Fox News Fear and Loathing Manufacturing Company, it would be this:

That was no Grand Jury Darren Wilson faced. Not in any sense that the American legal system defines one. Not in any way you or I would ever face one if we were ever charged with a crime.

For one thing, you or I would never "face one." That's not how any Grand Jury except this one works.

Let me bring you up to speed with what a Grand Jury is, and let's see how long it is before you smell the bullshit in the case of Darren Wilson. By all means double check anything I am about to say while you're here on the information superhighway.

Grand Juries have their roots back in the days of jolly olde England, when they were instituted as a check on the power of the Crown. Anyone arrested had to be charged with a crime and the prosecuting attorney had to go before a group of citizens and explain that there was some evidence that the person might have actually committed a crime. This was to keep the King from being able to lock up whoever he wanted for however long he wanted for no reason.

Except...Darren Wilson was never arrested, was he? There's your first clue something smells a little rotten here. No need to check the power of the government to keep someone locked up if no charges have been brought.

Hang with me here, and I'll tell you how Grand Jurys work in the world of the unconnected and unimportant. It's something like this:

Prosecutor: Ladies and Gentlemen, now we have the case of Drugmonkey, charged with narcotics possession. When arrested, he was found to have a hundred OxyContin in his pocket. I'm sure you'll agree that's enough evidence to proceed with the charges.

Grand Jurors: Yup.

Prosecutor: NEXT!!!!

That's it. As soon as the prosecutor can give the slightest reason why Drugmonkey was arrested, we move on. This is NOT the place where Drugmonkey says "I own a drugstore you dipshit, and I was delivering a prescription to one of my customers. Here's all the paperwork, which I'm sure you will find in order"

That part happens at the TRIAL. Where the prosecutor lets loose with all the evidence he's got, and Drugmonkey and his lawyer get to tear it to shreds, perhaps by putting Drugmonkey on the stand. Drugmonkey DOES NOT GET TO TELL HIS SIDE OF THE STORY AT THE GRAND JURY HEARING.

There's a saying in the legal profession that a prosecutor can get a Grand Jury to indict a ham sandwich. Because all he's doing is giving a reason why the person was arrested and should be charged. The way it works in the real world, it's nothing but a formality. In all of 2010, out of 162,000 federal court cases, a Grand Jury refused to indict someone 11 times. You read that right. A whopping 0.007% of the time, a Grand Jury thought there wasn't enough evidence for the government to have its day in court.

Are you smelling the bullshit yet? Because Darren Wilson DID get to tell his side of the story, didn't he? Instead of a prosecutor saying, "ladies and gentlemen the accused shot the victim 12 times, and there are conflicting eyewitness accounts as to what happened, I'm sure you'll agree we should sort this out in court." What we got was a mini-version of a real trial, where only one side got to tell its story, uninterrupted, with not a Grand Jury, but a group of people acting as a regular criminal jury making a decision.

A mini-trial that could only end one way. because if the jury doesn't go along, then Darren Wilson gets another shot at full blown trial.

They say a prosecutor can get a Grand Jury to indict that ham sandwich because what they mean is a Grand Jury will do whatever a prosecutor wants it to do. Which is exactly what happened here. This wasn't a Grand Jury hearing in any sense that it is known to the law. This was nothing but an elaborate cover-my-ass legal ruse by the prosecutor who had no intention of ever bringing a case against Darren Wilson.

And that's why you have a lot of angry people running around the streets of Ferguson, Missouri this night, doing things like burning down the local Walgreens to give white people an education. Because if it weren't for the riots in Los Angeles back in 1992 most of you honkies would still be ignorant of the way cops can act when they think no one is watching them. A riot seems to be the only way people who have been shit on for hundreds of years, fighting inch by blood soaked inch towards the promises this country makes its citizens, have of educating you snoozing in complacency what it's like in the parts of the system you never see.

Yesterday's riot lesson was the reality of police brutality, tonight's is the function of a Grand Jury in a society that clams to have equal protection under the law.

Let's hope you learned something.

Sunday, November 02, 2014

Dear Person At Rite Aid Corporate Headquarters Whose Job It Is To Scour The Internet Looking For What People Are Saying About Your Company.

Guess what? My numbers are in, and my Rx count is up 15% from October of last year.

You haven't put out your numbers yet, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you'll be patting yourself on the back pretty hard over a figure that's a lot lower.

So whatever you say about your results, that goes like double for me, huh?

And to think you once had this wizard of business, who I'll repeat, now regularly outperforms the vast majority of your managers, right in your ranks. Every bit of potential that is now flowering used to belong entirely to you.

I just wanted to make sure I put that somewhere where I knew you'd see it. You can go back to your part in ruining the profession now.