Wednesday, October 22, 2014

It's A War Of The Corporate Cocksuckers At Walgreens. Pull Up A Chair And Root For Lots Of Injuries.

Holy crap all hell is breaking loose at the Pharmacy America Trusts For Some Reason. Chaos in the corporate suites, anarchy in the executive ranks, a food fight in the corridors of power.

This afternoon though, I sat on hold with my local Walgreens for about 45 minutes with no human contact, which means it's pretty much business as usual at store level.

Alert readers of this blog may remember my poking fun at two Walgreens executives who were given the boot, along with a generous severance package, after apparently making a billion dollar profit projection error.

However it now seems that one of those executives, former Chief Financial Officer Wade Miquelon, takes exception to the term "error," when applied to him.

The lawsuit, filed on Oct. 16, was in response to allegedly false and defamatory statements about Miquelon, including that he was responsible for a $1.1 billion forecasting error. Miquelon says Walgreen CEO Gregory Wasson and Alliance Boots chairman Stefano Pessina made the statements during meetings with investors between Aug. 5 and Aug. 8. The Wall Street Journal... reported that Walgreen directors told the investors that they had no idea the forecasting change was coming.



   Walgreens CEO Gregory Wasson, addressing the media from a fort he made of apples. "Ain't no doctor gonna come within a mile of me."



Miquelon's probably gonna have to come up with some evidence that this billion dollar forecasting screwup wasn't all on him though. I don't envy him in that task. After all, he's going up against a very sophisticated titan of the business world, skilled in the ways of corporate culture and surely not likely to leave much help lying around for a lawyer trying to find proof that his client wasn't the only one involved.

 There are numerous other claims in the decidedly juicy lawsuit, such as that Wasson pressured Miquelon to forecast what the CFO thought was an entirely unreachable $6 earnings-per-share figure for fiscal year 2016. According to the court filing, on June 11 Wasson sent a text message to Miquelon that stated, “Let’s push for a 6 somehow.” Miquelon says he responded, “I don’t think there is any way we could ensure that,” to which he says Wasson replied, “No choice. Need a 6. We’ll find a way.”

D'OH! The dreaded Text message ploy! Whoever would have known such a thing would persist and have the ability to be recalled after it has been sent! Well played Mr. Miquelon, well played indeed. 



"I am sad. I wish I had more money. Also, that I had heard of Snapchat before right now."


One thing's for sure though, no matter where the facts take us, we can look forward to a thorough, fair hearing conducted on both sides by men of character and honor. 

 Miquelon’s lawsuit alleges that in a conference call on June 24, one activist hedge-fund investor told him that if he did not start “doing his job,” two other activist investors would “stop at nothing to get you out of the way, including getting personal dirt on you and embarrassing you publicly.


Wait. Forgot who I was talking about there for a second. Never mind. 

So, let's recap. Walgreens is off by a billion dollars or so on a recent profit projection, and promptly blames the Chief Financial Officer, who then leaves the company with a $4.7 million dollar check. Chief Financial Officer then says, "Oh no you don't! you were putting pressure on me to make that projection after I didn't want to, and now I'm going to sue you for a lot of money!" Which evidently $4.7 million doesn't qualify as. "See you in court bitch!"

And I didn't even get to the part where Miquelon claims he was promised the CEO job if he would just play ball. We could just be getting warmed up here my friends.

Reached for comment, a CVS spokesman issued a statement that read in part: BBBBBBWWWWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAHHHAAAA!!!!!!!!! THIS IS AWESOME!! Meanwhile, in Lima, Ohio, Walgreen's customer Larry Heisen said meekly, "I just wish they'd pick up the phone." 

Monday, October 20, 2014

I Stand This Night In Awe Of The Evil Brilliance of CVS. Or, Maybe Republicans Aren't Always Wrong About Everything.

"Drugmonkey there's some sort of typo in your headline" you're saying. "You've never once had anything good to say about CVS,  I know you make more than your share of slips on the keyboard, but this time is the whopper of them all. "

Except it wasn't a typo. Yes, I once made a joke about the company getting into a new scandal every month that turned out not to be a joke because they seriously do seem to get busted for something with every turn of the calendar page.

And yes, the second most visited page in the history of my little blog garden is that in which I gave space to a CVS employee who opens up on the company with both barrels. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I've never....seen anything....like the hatred CVS employees seem to have for their corporate master.

But I meant it when I just said I am in awe of them this night. They may have just made the move from evil to evil genius.

Let's back up a bit and remember the last time the company made national headlines, getting even the President of The United States to notice they were no longer going to sell tobacco in their stores. Speculation ran rampant as to the motivations of such a move, which was estimated to cost them $2 billion in annual sales. "Well, tobacco is a no growth category" the conventional wisdom went, "they evidently feel the good publicity will be worth whatever loss in revenue will occur, and it probably will help their Minute Care clinics pick up a contract or two. "

Oh how you underestimated these guys mainstream business pundits. It's more than just a contract or two at stake here.

For those of you playing along at home who don't follow the prescription processing industry, I'll mention here that CVS also owns Caremark, the second largest prescription benefit manager  in the country.

Now hold onto your seats, because here it comes, via The Wall Street Journal's Pharmalot blog: 

Caremark... will soon require some customers to make an extra co-payment, in some cases up to $15, on any prescription that is filled at a pharmacy selling cigarettes and other tobacco products

...and in one fell swoop my friends, CVS can potentially cripple it's two main rivals though the 1 in 4 Americans whose prescriptions are managed by Caremark. Absolutely fucking brilliant. "We'll be agnostic [about] where the consumer fills their prescription," said CVS CEO Tom Ryan when the merger with Caremark was under regulatory review. " Well, it looks like they just found religion.

And I'm just....not sure how I feel about this. Other than being awed by the evil brilliance of the plan. I mean, there's no way you can say this isn't using the power of oligopoly to deliver Walgreens and Rite Aid a kick to the nuts, but ...if I were in a position to do it, I'd be more than happy to crush either one of those company's testicles. And you know, tobacco in pharmacies IS stupid. It was a burr up my ass every day I worked for Rite Aid and had to stare at the cigarettes on the other side of the store while selling people asthma meds. I even once wrote my State Representative and Senator, who was on the health committee at the time, making a case for the California pharmacy board to deny a license to any location that sold tobacco. Never heard back from the Representative. Got a letter full of nothing from the Senator.

Yet here we have a brutal bastard vs bastard vs bastard free market business free for all accomplishing what impotent government officials gave nothing but lip service to. The other "Big Two" are gonna either give up tobacco or lose a shitload of prescriptions.

Which... is exactly what should happen. I guess the free market wins this round, said the pinko pharmacist who never did sell tobacco in his store.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

The Return Of Rick Scott, Who May Finally Get The Karmic Payback He Deserves, For The Most Incredible Of Reasons.

The political junkies among you may already know which direction the wind is about to take this post, but stick around, I want to make sure you get the whole recap here, not that it will matter.

I've warned you, and those of you in Florida in particular, about Rick Scott more than once. Rick Scott is a crook. A thief whose company, a chain of for-profit hospitals by the name of Columbia/HCA, ripped off Medicare and Medicaid to the tune of over a billion dollars, and then had the chutzpah to enter the debate over President Obama's health care plan with privately financed commercials emphasizing that any solution had to be built on "accountability and personal responsibility"

I'm not making that up. By all means do a Google search and double check me.

I asked you to remember this the next time you start to judge the Medicaid momma who comes in your store looking for some free Tylenol for her feverish kid. To maybe keep some perspective when comparing her actions to the rich white crook. Instead, you made Rick Scott the governor of Florida, which I understand some may consider a fate worse than death. In Rick Scott's world though, it is considered a validation of his lifestyle.

He went on to refuse to take any of the free money the federal government was offering states to expand their Medicaid programs. Perhaps because he was no longer in a position to steal any of it.

But Rick Scott may be about to get his comeuppance. Not because of his unethical business practices mind you, nor for his rank hypocrisy. Rick Scott my friends, has finally done something far worse in this day and age.

He looked stupid on television.




According to saintpetersblog.com, Scott's hissy fit "cost him two or three critical points" in the opinion polls, flipping his slight lead into a slight deficit.

Christ on a cracker.

So here's our lesson for the day. I want you to imagine what would have happened if Rick Scott had a political instinct that was even slightly honed. If he had just acted like a grown up and ignored the fan, or even if he brushed off some charm skills and make a little joke about it. Holy cow depending on the quality of the quip he could have crushed his opponent right then and there. After stealing a billion dollars. And shouting for all that would hear, after stealing a billion dollars, about the need for "accountability" I want you to think about that for awhile and what it says about the viability of our democracy.

Because the answer my friend, with apologies to Bob Dylan, is quite literally, blowin' in the wind.

Monday, October 06, 2014

Back When It Wasn't So Busy, Ebola Made A Guest Appearance In This Very Blog.

Original blogpost airdate January 31,2008

President Wankerhead Will Release A Budget Proposal For The Federal Government Monday, Prompting Joy For Reasons Other Than He'll Never Do It Again.


From this morning's New York Times:

In his new budget to be unveiled Monday, President Bush will call for large cuts in the growth of Medicare, far exceeding what he proposed last year, and he will again seek major savings in Medicaid, according to administration officials and budget documents.

Reached for comment in the lung of an elderly woman at Grady Memorial Hospital in Atlanta, Mycobacterium tuberculosis said "While on the surface the cut in health care funding for America's elderly and poor would seem to be a good thing, we have to remember that the conditions setting the stage for my comeback are not all financial. It is my sincere hope that the money my prey spends for health care will not only not cover the cost of inflation, but that Americans will never realize that they could actually spend less and be more effective in their genocidal campaign against my species by simply copying the health care system of Canada."

"Overall, I'd say the president's budget makes me cautiously optimistic" concluded the bacterium.

At its headquarters in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo, the Ebola virus issued an emotional, short statement:

"HUMANS DIE!!!!! said the virus through an interpreter. "ME FIND YOU! YOU MAKE JOB EASIER!!!!!"

Sources said Ebola was especially excited about the president's proposal to to reduce special Medicare payments to teaching hospitals by $23 billion dollars*

"THEY KNOW NOTHING OF ME NOW" said Ebola. "THEY NO WANT TO LEARN? ME KILL THEM!!!!!!"

Meanwhile, a spokesman for bird flu promised that if Bush's funding proposals were accepted by Congress, it would limit its effects only to those without good health insurance once it developed a way to cross the species barrier.

"We have our best viruses working on how to infect humans more effectively" said the spokesman. "But we are willing to spare the rich among you if you only give us a chance to taste sweet, sweet, human blood"

"You can trust the word of a bird flu virus" he concluded. What's in your wallet?

*You know the quotes are made up. The special cut in funding for teaching hospitals, however, is real.