Military Forced to Pull Misleading Recruiting Ad
ABC News is reporting the U.S. Army has been forced to pull a television recruitment ad aimed at African-American recruits because it inaccurately claimed the Army can train recruits to become pharmacists. David Work, the former president of The National Association of Boards of Pharmacy, accused the Army of purposely lying in an attempt to recruit teenagers. A new version of the ad replaces the word "pharmacist" with "health care technician." The commercial was produced by the advertising agency Casanova Pendrill.
Take a look for yourself:
This calls for an immediate deployment of The Bullshit Exposure Through Dramatization Players, with a production of:
You're A Pharmacist Now Soldier Boy
Chris Rock once said that every town has two shopping malls, the one where the white people go and the one where the white people used to go. This play opens in the shopping mall where the white people used to go. A young man is walking by an army recruitment center on his way to drowning his sorrows at the food court.
Army Recruiter: Hello there young fellow, why so glum?
High School Senior: I'm sad. My application for pharmacy school was rejected. I worked so hard for that "C+" in "Math For The Real World" but I guess that wasn't good enough for Ohio Northern University. I thought Ohio Northern University took anyone.
Recruiter, (acting genuinely surprised): Wow. So did I. (snapping out of it) Well we can turn that frown upside down young man. Just sign here and the Army will make you a pharmacist. It says so right here in this commercial, take a look.
High School Senior: Will it be faster than those classes that Sally Struthers advertises at 3 in the morning? It has been my lifelong dream to be a pharmacist, but if it takes longer than 6 months, I'll probably just try to get some construction work.
Recruiter: We'll have you through basic training in 9 weeks son, and after that you can do whatever you want with the drugs.
The scene now shifts to Faluja, Iraq, a year later, where our high school senior is now a Private First Class. Our Private Pharmacist is on patrol in an un-uparmored Humvee.
Private Pharmacist, (said between occasional bursts of fire from his M-16 rifle): "Wow. Being a pharmacist is a lot different than I imagined."
Squad Leader: What the fuck are you talking about whack job?
Soldier #1: INCOMING!!!!!!!
Private Pharmacist: That's why I joined the Army, so I could be a pharmacist. As soon as we're done killing people here, I've got a job lined up at CVS making over $100 grand a year. That must be why pharmacists make so much, because pharmacists are trained to be cold blooded killers.
Soldier #2: You're a pharmacist huh? Why the hell is my copay so high? And why does it take so damn long to get my prescription filled?
Private Pharmacist: Wow. I am now officially living my dream. Ask me again!
An IED then destroys the Humvee carrying Private Pharmacist, who dies instantly, secure in the knowledge he was the best pharmacist ever. And so it goes.