Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Today, A Wave Of Reconciliation Washes Over Me

Maybe I've been too hard on the Christians. I mean, their faith has been the inspiration for some incredibly beautiful things. Look at the Sistine Chapel for chissakes. It's one of the most ass-kickingest works of art ever.

Of course it's creator, Michelangelo, was a homosexual, which means that today's fundamentalists would rather have him publicly stoned than creating art.

Then there was the contribution to the sciences and the preservation of Western classics made possible by religion in the Middle Ages. Of course the religion was Islam, whose adherents yesterday's fundamentalists were trying to kill wholesale.

Hmmmm....maybe I haven't been too hard on the Christians. But nonetheless I am possessed this morning by a turn the other cheek kinda feeling. To further the spirit of reconciliation, I thought I might "bear witness," as the Jesus folks like to say, with a few of my favorite bits of scripture.

Leviticus 25:44

"Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves."


That makes me feel a lot better about underpaying my Mexican gardener. After all, he does come from one of the "nations around me"

Exodus 21:7

"If a man sells his daughter as a servant, she is not to go free as menservants do."

And I thought the Plan B opposition was coming from people who hated women. Pfffftttt.....shows what I know.

Exodus 35:2

"For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day shall be your holy day, a Sabbath of rest to the LORD. Whoever does any work on it must be put to death."


Now, this one offers a true chance for a moment of unity, as I would like Sunday off probably as much as a true Christian would like to kill me for working during the seventh holy day. I do remember though, when I was in high school and working in a restaurant, that our busiest time of the week was on Sunday right after church. I realize now how lucky I was, as the "customers" that would come in during this time were obviously just there plotting the death of the employees. Part of their plot seemed to involve leaving very small tips. Thank God I quit before they put the rest of their plan into action.

Leviticus 11:10

"But all creatures in the seas or streams that do not have fins and scales—whether among all the swarming things or among all the other living creatures in the water—you are to detest."


Interesting that the Bible uses the same word, "detest", for shellfish that it uses to describe the act of "lying with a man as one lies with a woman" (Levi 18:22, "detestable") yet I don't see the Christian types harassing seafood houses the way they harass the poor homosexuals. I suppose the reason why is one of those spiritual mysteries the mortal mind just cannot comprehend.

Leviticus 19:19
"Keep my decrees......Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material."

Might you be wearing a cotton/polyester blend right now?

SINNER!!!!!!


Christians sure are funny. Except when they do things like bomb the Olympics, or your local Planned Parenthood clinic. Strange how I don't see either of those subjects mentioned in the Bible. The shellfish are definitely there though. Think I'm gonna go eat a clam.

From "The Actual Conversation With An Actual Customer" File.

Phone: "ring"

Me: "Giant Corporate Pharmacy, May I help you?"

Customer: "Yeah, what's your phone number?"

Me: "What Number did you just call?"

Customer: "555-5555"

Me: "That's it."

"Thanks."

Tonight, Vindication At Last

All you professors who said I would never amount to anything. All you customers who cursed me under your breath as you waited for your next Vicodin fix, the pharmacy manager who once made an issue of the fact I didn't put a rubber band around the day's completed prescriptions until the end of my shift, prepare to eat some major crow baby. Word comes in today's mail that I, ME! Have been named by the Consumers' Research Council of America as one of "America's Top Pharmacists" I shit you not.

The selection process, according to the letter, "is based on a point value system that awards points for education, years in practice, and affiliations with professional pharmaceutical related organizations and associations" Once I read that, it was obvious how my 5 year Bachelor of Science in Pharmacy degree, (most pharmacists today have a 6-year Doctor of Pharmacy) my years of service to the profession that would put me a little short of halfway through an average career, and my lack of membership in any professional organization or association whatsoever would put me on their radar screen.

I hope I remember to thank all the little people in my acceptance speech.

The main benefit of being named one of America's "Top Pharmacists" seems to be the opportunity to commemorate the event by buying a "museum quality award" that will "preserve the accomplishment for a lifetime." There are several plaques and table top awards to choose from, ranging from the $149 "Reflection Series" to the top of the line "Presidential Series" for a mere $229. A small price to pay really for what the letter says "is more than a decoration.....it connotes respect and credibility"

Who the fuck actually buys these? Is there actually some beaten down retail pill pusher who's been taking customer shit for so long that he needs to buy a fake plaque to respect him when no one else will? The only emotion that runs higher than the disgust at having my intelligence insulted in such a way is the jealousy that comes from not having thought of this way to make a few bucks first.

Although it does say there's a 10% discount for multiple orders......

Monday, August 28, 2006

A Plug For One Of My Linkees.

Or is that Linkors? Linkers? So many grammatical questions.

I don't know what the title of RomiusTexis' blog is today, he changes it about as often as the County changes prescription insurance plans for it's employees, but as long as he leaves this post up, I shall never write on the subject of white trash, as there is no way I can ever hope to do a better job.

Also check out the video of a wasted Brittney Spears. Reminds me of Friday nights when I used to work the late shift at a 24 hour pharmacy. Except the chicks were far less attractive.

Two Legitimate Reasons To Hate Me.

So I'm putzing around the computer at my desk this morning, and I see my last paycheck under a pile of papers. I had forgotten all about it. It's been there about 2 weeks, and Friday I'll get another one. I figured I should probably get to the bank before I lose this, which meant I was gonna have to change out of my pajamas and take a shower. Crap. Today I considered it a pain in the ass to put $2200 in my checking account.

Upon closer inspection of said check, I also notice I have received a raise. I have no idea how long the new pay rate has been in effect. I made a mental note to look through my old pay stubs to find out, knowing full well I would never get around to it. Like I know where any old pay stubs are.

So, um, I suppose the lesson is if you're gonna sell out your soul, at least make sure you get a decent price.

Don't Worry, I Am Safe.

Those of you that know me might have seen the following headline and been a bit concerned:

Slain pharmacist's ex has alibi, lawyer says

Rest assured I am well, and the ex wife, or any of the ex-girlfriends, have yet to track me down......

I was a man-hoochie at one time, it's a long story.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Hate Mail Post #3

You know, when I took my little work blog in a political direction what seems like so long ago, I had visions. Dreams I tell you. I saw myself as part of the great national debate, taking on smug little bow-tie wearing conservative pricks in the battle of ideas, and after a long and hard fought struggle of wit and intellect, emerging victorious to save the world from itself. Instead I get this:

drugnazi - you smart person you! Sex education, free condoms, low cost contraception and your rhetoric have caused more abortions than one cares to think about. Destruction of human life, which is what Plan B is, along with your science makes for a wonderful world.

Christ is the answer - the only answer, drugnazi and when you die, science ain't gonna get you anywhere but hell.


I know some of you may be asking the obvious question raised by this post. How does this person know how many abortions one cares to think about? I happen to think of abortions 24/7. Sometimes I won't go to sleep because I cannot be assured that I won't dream of them. I fantasize about fetuses still in the womb getting pregnant so they can have abortions before they are born. Abortions Abortions Abortions. I can't get enough.

So when this person says that my rhetoric....mine! "Caused more abortions than one cares to think about", quite frankly I am humbled. Humbled and flattered. My sincerest thank you, you fucking inarticulate dumbass. Now thank me for giving you a second of my time.

Friday, August 25, 2006

More Exubera Porn.

Oh Yeah......gimmie some of that sweet insulin lovin' baby........

The caption to this picture, taken from a Pfizer "Pharmacist Resource Guide" says this:

Promptly place the mouthpiece fully in your mouth and form a seal around the mouthpiece with your lips.


Too bad it doesn't mention not to scrape your teeth. I bet the Exubera inhaler hates it when you scrape your teeth.

Here's a picture of the um....model.....after her post-Exubera experience. Was it good for her?





I will remind you, what you are seeing is the result of a multi-million dollar marketing budget. I'd be willing to bet the guy who does the back pages for Hustler could have done more with less.

Click here to read my earlier Exubera post.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

A Dark Day For Lloyd DuPlantis Jr. Of Gray, Louisiana

I pick on Lloyd DuPlantis Jr., of Gray Louisiana a lot, but only because I hate him. I've hated him ever since I heard him on National Public Radio telling the world that he doesn't sell birth control pills at his pharmacy, located at 3696 W Main St in Gray, Louisiana, phone number 1-888-872-5030, "in the name of science" and that Birth control pills are "the most dangerous chemical on the market." (If you click on the link, Lloyd comes on at around the 12 minute mark) Lloyd didn't say the most dangerous prescription drug on the market, he said the most dangerous chemical. Evidently Lloyd thinks estrogen and progesterone are to be feared more than dioxin, botulism toxin, or mustard gas. Despite the fact that the number of real scientists who would say something like this is about zero, this is what Lloyd says he believes.


Poor Lloyd must be in his back yard today digging a fallout shelter and stocking up on canned food in anticipation of the flood of dangerous chemicals that are set to be turned loose on society. You see, the real scientists at the FDA have overcome years of opposition from the Christian Fascists people like Lloyd have put in power, and the agency today announced it's approval for OTC Plan B sales. On a day like this, when the Christian fascists are probably feeling a bit upset and defeated, it's probably best to reach out across the ideological divide and say something like......


IN YOUR FUCKING FACE!!!!!! TAKE THAT JESUS!!!!!!!!!!! WHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHOOOOO!!!!!!!

All right, that was just harsh. I tell you what. I was planning to hold a celebratory orgy to launch my sex based cult that easy access to Plan B will make possible. Lloyd, you can come if you want. Just do me a favor and stay in the room where the lights are off, 'cause I've seen your picture.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Stupidest Boyfriend Ever.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Exubera. What Kind Of Wuss Finds This Product Appealing?

Never underestimate the whininess of those who have to inject insulin. Year after year I have had to listen to 400 pound mouth breathing, saliva dripping cretins go on and on about how fate has dealt them the cruel fate of being a diabetic. I'm not talking about the type I's here, who were born with a whacked pancreas. The type II diabetics though, have destroyed their pancreas with years spent eating ho-ho's on the couch watching re-runs of The Jeffersons while doing things like taking the riding mower to the mailbox to avoid the possibility of exercise. Now they are sick and they are not going to let you forget it. I wonder what any woman who's ever been through childbirth thinks when they hear the lazy diabetic sloths complain about the pin pricks they have to put themselves through. Hell, I knew a chick once in college who cut up her legs with razors for fun. Granted, I think she's in an institution now, but she's living proof that the little pinch of an insulin injection is very low on life's list of things to complain about. Especially if the alternative is a diabetic coma.

Pfizer looks at their wussiness however, and sees a marketing opportunity. Introducing Exubera, a breakthrough in insulin therapy for diabetes treatment, and by "breakthrough" I mean "no advantage in blood sugar control over what is already on the market." The Exubera difference is that you inhale your insulin instead of putting it under your skin. Here's a picture of Exubera in action:



Now who wouldn't want a piece of that when the alternative is discreetly slipping away to use an insulin auto pen? Especially when this bong DOESN'T WORK ANY BETTER.

Users of Exubera will also be taking their insulin, which needs to be dosed precisely, and introducing the variables of sneezing, coughing, breathing rate and lung congestion into the equation. They will have to be monitored for any decrease in lung function, and they will be trusting that the industrial-regulatory complex that brought us Baycol, Bextra, Duract, Posicor, Propulsid, Tequin, Rezulin and Vioxx has taken the necessary safety precautions to avoid the possibility of something like an "Exubera-lung" syndrome surprise in the years to come.

Exubera won't eliminate insulin injections for everyone who uses it. Some people will be sucking on that plastic tube AND injecting insulin.

Did I mention that Exubera DOESN'T WORK ANY BETTER than what's already on the market?

So if you're a whiny-ass, limp wristed wussy who's on insulin therapy, by all means be sure to ask your doctor about Exubera. I have a feeling you won't be running to the office though. You'll probably be taking your riding mower.

Monday, August 21, 2006

I've Discovered My Life's Ambition. I Must Learn To Eat Grass.

I almost wrote the Unabomber once. I wanted to learn from him, not how to make bombs, blow stuff up and not get caught for years, but how he managed to live out there in that little cabin of his in the middle of nowhere, Montana, and not starve to death. If you work in retail pharmacy and tell me you have never fantasized about putting as much distance as possible between you and every other human on the planet, I know you're lying. Consider that I never particularly cared for humans in the first place, and you can see why if you take out the violence, Ted Kaczynski was living the life of my dreams.

Unfortunately I have to eat, and the skills I have that would enable me to live off the land are very close to zero, which led me to ponder picking the brain of the Unabomber. I figured he probably didn't have much to do these days, but in the end, I decided it's probably a good idea to try to avoid things that get you on lists compiled by federal law enforcement. So the idea went dormant, along with my plans for becoming a chess grandmaster, learning the bass guitar, and writing a Broadway musical based on the life of Iggy Pop. Until today that is, when I saw a herd of cows.

"God damn cows" I said to myself as I drove past, consumed with jealousy as I went past them on the way to work. Even knowing I would be slaughtered in the end, I would totally trade their life of leisurely standing around a field all day for mine of listening to the great unwashed masses sing the praises of stool softeners. Then I realized. The cows were standing around all day.....eating grass. Not only eating grass mind you, but meeting all their energy and nutritional needs while doing so. Grass is everywhere. If I could unlock the cow's secret. I could live anywhere. I could live.....in a cabin....in the middle of nowhere.

To those of you who say cows don't have much in the way of energy needs, I would submit the buffalo, also an eater of plants, or the antelope. Of course I would have to keep the historical human ability to keep predators at bay, which is the weak point of most herbivores, but we put a man on the moon for Chrissakes, are you telling me we can't figure out how to digest a friggin plant? If the chlorophyll turned me green, I'd still be OK with that.

This day I have seen the future, or at least the key to my future liberation, and it is grass. At least until they start charging for air.


Sunday, August 20, 2006

A Shameless Plug For My Favorite Newspaper Column.

News Of The Weird. It's All True. It's All Weird. Click here and read it regularly. Just in case you need more than the word of someone who calls himself the Drugnazi, I'll cut and paste a couple teasers.

First the frustrating:

Wheelchair-confined Richard Paey committed almost exactly the same violations of Florida prescription drug laws that radio personality Rush Limbaugh did, with a different result: Limbaugh's sentence, in May, was addiction treatment, and Paey's, in 2004, was 25 years in prison. Both illegally possessed large quantities of painkillers for personal use, which Paey defiantly argued was (and will be) necessary to relieve nearly constant pain from unsuccessful spinal surgeries after an auto accident, but which Limbaugh admitted was simply the result of addiction. (In fact, if Limbaugh complies with his plea bargain, his conviction will be erased.) Paey's sentence now rests with a state Court of Appeal. [Tampa Tribune, 2-8-06]

This next part isn't from the News Of The Weird. It's from the public domain:

"Drug use, some might say, is destroying this country. And we have laws against selling drugs, pushing drugs, using drugs, importing drugs. And the laws are good because we know what happens to people in societies and neighborhoods which become consumed by them. And so if people are violating the law by doing drugs, they ought to be accused and they ought to be convicted and they ought to be sent up."
-- Rush Limbaugh. October 5, 1995 show transcript.

I'll bet Rush talks a lot about how he's grown as a person since he uttered those words. Evidently just not when I'm listening.

News Of The Weird usually isn't frustrating though. It's usually just entertaining. Like this:

In a May dispatch from Atlanta on Southerners’ notoriously unnutritious, fat-laden cuisine, a Chicago Tribune reporter watered readers’ mouths with descriptions of the “hamdog” and the “Luther” (prized dishes of Mulligan’s restaurant in Decatur, Ga.), which are, respectively, “a half-pound of hamburger meat wrapped around a hot dog, which is deep-fried and served on a hoagie topped with chili, bacon and a fried egg,” and “a half-pound burger served with bacon and cheese on a Krispy Kreme doughnut.” The 11 states from Washington, D.C., to Florida, west to Texas, have the nation’s highest mortality rate from strokes, but, said a University of Mississippi professor, “Food is a strong emblem of identity for Southerners,” uniquely shared across racial lines."

There's nothing I can add here. This one stands on it's own.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

A Tribute To Phar-Mor, A Company "Phar" Ahead Of It's Time.

Ambition. Greed. Hubris. The inevitable downfall. Millions of dollars of investors and employees money vaporized. Before Enron, before WorldCom, before Martha Stewart was making tastefully colored shank cozies in the federal pen, there was Phar Mor and basketball playing midgets. Today the drugnazi recounts a tale of corporate greed that seems to have found it's way to the moldy backroom of history.

I almost took a job with Phar-Mor when I graduated from college. I was familiar with the place from periodic frat boy expeditions to the local store in search of incredibly cheap crap. Before the spawn of Sam Walton had spread to most of the country, Phar-Mor had mastered the concept of "Stack 'em deep and sell it cheap" Their drugstores were the size of an above average grocery store, packed to the gills with rock-bottom priced shampoo, school supplies, music, videos, dildos, and every type of over the counter medicinal remedy. (I made one thing in that list up, can you tell what it might be?) Their pharmacies were pill pushing sweatshops, but they offered the highest salaries around, which was all I was looking for in an employer at the time. Micky Monus, co-founder and Chief Operating Officer of the company, was a business genius, building a 300 store empire that offered low prices for customers, high salaries for employees, and profits for investors.

Is anyone's "too good to be true" detector going off yet?

Turns out they offered two out of three. Profits existed only in a fictional set of books kept by Monus and Chief Financial Officer Patrick Finn. Millions of dollars that were being borrowed to finance the chains growth were being used to pay off suppliers in a pyramid scheme that collapsed in 1992. Phar-Mor filed for bankruptcy. Finn was sentenced to 33 months in prison. Monus' first trial ended in a hung jury. Rumors of his alleged mob ties only gained credibility when a juror in that trial admitted he was offered a bribe in exchange for a not guilty vote. Monus was retried, convicted, and sentenced to 11 years in federal prison. Phar-Mor went out of business in 2002 and people had to start paying full retail price for dildos once again.

Unlike Kenneth Lay and Bernie Ebbers however, Mickey Monus wasn't fraudulently accumulating dollars just to see how high he could run up his personal scoreboard. He had a plan. He was going to become a titan of the sporting world. He took around 10 million dollars that he pilfered from Phar-Mor and used it to finance The World Basketball League. An organization which, and unlike the part about the dildos I'm not making this up, limited the height of it's players to 6 feet 5 inches.

This is the part that fascinates me. On what possible level was a height-restricted basketball league supposed to work exactly? Was there something about shorter men that was supposed to make me more likely to buy a ticket? Seems to me that the shorter the players, the closer you would have to sit to see the action, thereby limiting the number of good seats available. You couldn't promote it as a way to see the stars of the future, because as tall as a 6 foot 5 person may seem to you and me, Shaq scrapes them off the bottom of his shoes at the end of every day. Yet something about the concept made Monus risk everything to try and make it work.

A friend of mine shoplifted a Nirvana CD during one of those college Phar-Mor shopping expeditions. I feel so not guilty about never turning him in.

My Brushes With Greatness.

When I was in 6th grade, Ted Kennedy shook my hand. He was running for president at the time, but I was more interested in one of my classmates who had just sprouted a pair of boobs, who was standing next to what I learned later was Ted's brothers grave.

In 2000, Eddie Vedder pointed out a shirt I was wearing to a crowd of probably around 30,000 people. The shirt said "Nader For President" (Special note to Al Gore: I'm sorry.......so so sorry. You have no idea how sorry.)

Those experiences pale in comparison to tonight though, when I filled a prescription for an honest to God famous person. HIPPA privacy laws work against me here, but I'm surprised there weren't paparazzi around trying to get a picture of famous cellulite to make the trailer trash feel better about themselves. While I was counting and pouring and licking and sticking, I thought of what might happen if I "accidentally" filled the Rx with some sort of poison. Sure I would most likely end up in jail, but my immortality would be secured as the answer to a trivia question. If I played my cards right, maybe I could end up with some sort of book deal. Then I would be famous! ME! People would be looking at ME when I went to the drugstore!

Fortunately for me, and the famous person, I saw where this cycle was headed, and meekly handed over a bottle of 30 hydroxyzine to a personal assistant.

From The "Actual Conversation With An Actual Customer" File

Me: Giant Corporate Pharmacy, may I help you?"

Customer: "Yes, I'm calling for two reasons. First is to get a prescription refill, second is to tell you about a letter I got from Blue Cross saying they would no longer cover it"

Me: "So you have new insurance?"

Them: "No."

Me: "OK......You're paying for it yourself?"

Them: "No, I want it billed to my Blue Cross"

Me: "The same Blue Cross that sent you the letter?"

Them: "Yes"

I paused for a few seconds to see if it would sink in. It didn't, and another little piece of me died.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Other People's Stupidity Can Be The Bridge Of Understanding Between Cultures

I used to work with a tech named Brenda who was dumb. Just dumb as a goddamn rock. She had a good heart and really did try, but many a time her lack of brainpower made me want to beat my head against the wall until there was nothing but a bloody pulp above my shoulders. She really liked turtles, and I once tried to get her a job at the zoo to get her out of my face forever. Then I felt bad because a turtle never has really done anything bad to me. (Brenda's not her real name, I have a policy of not dragging people into the blog unless they deserve it, like Lloyd DuPlantis Jr. of Gray, Louisiana, a pharmacist who says that birth control pills are "the most dangerous chemical on the market" because he would rather tell an outrageous lie than to admit he hates women.)

The other pharmacist I worked with at the time was from Vietnam. He came over sometime in the 80's after having grown up there. One day we were talking and he tells me that it's conventional wisdom in Vietnam that the average American GI who was there during the war was.... hmmmm.....I think the phrase translated to something like "not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer", and that many people there have trouble understanding how the US became the only superpower when the only Americans they've ever seen seemed barely capable of walking upright.

"Well we didn't send a representative sample of people over there" I say. "The only people who went either wanted to go or were too thick to get themselves into college at the time."

The pharmacist had no idea what I was talking about, so I explained the concept of the student deferment. That anyone in college back then was exempt from the draft while they were a full time student, thereby creating a loophole most people, but not everyone, would be qualified to take advantage of.

The pharmacist thinks this over for awhile, then says "but that would mean of the people we have working here, only Brenda would get drafted"

"Now do you understand?"

"Ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh......"

Brenda was probably somewhere at that moment trying to figure out why a customer had given her 12 dollars and 38 cents when the total purchase was only $7.38, completely unaware of her small contribution to bringing two very different worlds a bit closer together.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Why Are You So Angry All The Time Drugnazi?

Two quotes from today's news hunting and gathering:

First this:

each year more than 10 million children die worldwide before the age of five. Preventable or treatable diseases, such as diarrhea, measles, pneumonia, malaria and neonatal illnesses, cause most of these deaths.


And now this:

A technology-transfer research team at the European Space Agency's Noordwijk centre in the Netherlands is designing next-generation garments such as a T-shirt that gauges the quality of your golf swing.

There's a clue as to why I'm so angry all the time.

From The Jihad Watch: Why We Can't Stop Until They Are Dead And Covered With Many Tons Of Dirt

A comment left on my earlier pep talk to those standing against the tide of Christian fascists raises the eternal point to be made about these people. Namely that they devote far more of their efforts to "protecting" egg and sperm than to protecting actual real babies who are vulnerable and dying of easily preventable causes every day. This seems a bit illogical until you realize their crusade is not about protecting cute little babies at all, it's about the eternal authoritarian quest for power and control.

Skeptical? Take a look at a story that ran in the Washington Post awhile back and you'll get a clue as to their real agenda. Under the headline "Forever Pregnant" we see that your tax dollars are financing a call to:

ask all females capable of conceiving a baby to treat themselves -- and to be treated by the health care system -- as pre-pregnant, regardless of whether they plan to get pregnant anytime soon.

Among other things, this means all women between first menstrual period and menopause should take folic acid supplements, refrain from smoking, maintain a healthy weight and keep chronic conditions such as asthma and diabetes under control.


Sooooooo.....we want to protect babies and we have a couple choices. We could do what we know works, address the situation of the 17 million women who have no health insurance so they could get proper prenatal care when they actually ARE pregnant, or we could issue a call that will open the door to government looking over the shoulder of every woman between 13 and 45 who's a few pounds overweight. If you're a power hungry Big Brother wannabe, which of those options do you choose? Ask yourself how long it might be until "asking" all women to treat themselves as pre-pregnant becomes "telling" them to.

"Put down that cheesecake woman. It's all about the children. This message brought to you from the department of Health and Human Services"

Interesting as well that there was no companion call for me to protect my swimmers from the rivers of scotch that are sometimes flowing through my bloodstream while they're being manufactured, especially since the scotch makes it more likely the swimmers will be put into action. Evidently sperm must be made of some sort of natural super Teflon. Either that or the "pre-pregnancy" thing is a ploy to control women. Tell me which one of those scenarios is more likely.

So my friend, the Christian fascists may have been weakened, but as you can see they are still very dangerous, just as the weakened Nazi's were still very dangerous on D-day. Don't let up on them until they're gone. In the name of cheesecake, don't let up.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Customer Service = More Business. A Filthy Lie

Sunday evenings mean a mad rush for drugs in the last hour I am open for business. Sunday mornings are sometimes spent on my ass reading magazines. It's been this way for years, start Sunday drinking coffee looking over paperwork, end Sunday slamming the door in someone's face. If you don't understand why the store doesn't then open and/or close later, then you obviously don't have a degree in business. I don't have a degree in business either, which means I don't get it, but since all I really ask of my employer is that their paychecks don't bounce, I've never sweated it all that much.

Today was no exception to the mad Sunday evening rush rule. About a half hour before closing time, I'm manning the pill room all by myself with 10 prescriptions whose owners have decided to wait anxiously for them to be filled. Sux, but I've been there before. Last Sunday actually. The next guy who comes up to the counter is looking to have a prescription transferred from a pharmacy about 10 minutes away. A prescription that has already been filled, waiting there to be picked up. He had never been to my store before. He didn't have his insurance card with him. You can imagine how much I wanted his business.

I explain to him clearly that there was no way it was physically possible for me to have the prescription filled before closing time. The best that was going to happen was me taking what information I could get from him and leaving it to be done sometime tomorrow. He wants to go ahead with it. The best he can tell me is that the prescription was for some sort of eye drop.

10 minutes away the eyedrops are pleading, "Oh pppplllleeeeeaaassssseeeee come and get me....your insurance has already paid for me......I am so eager to come home with you."

I am not nice to this man by any definition of the word. No smile, no welcoming tone in my voice, not the slightest indication I value him any more than dirt. Turns out the prescription is for Ciprofloxacin, an antibiotic. The moron has an eye infection and is going to wait until sometime tomorrow to begin treatment. The prescription was READY TO BE PICKED UP at that very moment.

Did I mention I wasn't nice to this person? I believe the way I phrased it was "if you insist I'll see what I can do, but if I were you I would go to the other store and pick it up now." I did everything but beat him with a stick and still there he was, digging in his wallet for the non-existent insurance card perfectly willing to let his eye fester overnight.

What on earth makes someone put up with this kind of service? Had he no self respect? Was it the store's buy one get one free special on Corn Nuts that week that attracted him like flypaper, or was it the dollar off large boxes of flypaper? I could only conclude that he was doing this solely to irritate me. It was the only explanation that made any sense. "Sneer at me will you you smart ass pharmacist? Well you can just play insurance card detective then"

Since he had an Arab surname, there was only one rational thing I could do. I called The Department of Homeland Security and claimed he was a terrorist. The last I saw of him he was being led away in leg irons. Perhaps the eye drops will be ready by the time he makes bail, but I wouldn't count on it.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

From The Jihad Watch: A Pep Talk For Those Of Us Who Are Living In Dark Times.

Way back when I decided to give birth to this blog, what I had in mind was something like what you'll find at theangrypharmacist.com. Basically I thought it would be a way to keep my writing skills in shape while sharing a wacky customer story or occasional work rant. You may have noticed I digress from that goal from time to time. If you appreciate the difference between me and my angry colleague, you can thank Lloyd DuPlantis Jr. of Gray, Louisiana. Lloyd is also technically a colleague of mine. He also happens to be a Christian fascist who wants to lie in the name of science to further his hatred of women. I still remember the absolute disbelief one morning as I heard Lloyd on National Public Radio for the better part of an hour try to use the credibility of the lab coat to hide his cross. It was like getting hit in the temple. I knew the Christian fascists were out there, I grew up in the Midwest for chrissakes, but I had no idea they were creeping onto MY turf, that the unraveling of 500 years of enlightenment thought and the undoing of the scientific method was coming right to my front door.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what I could do. It seemed like all I had was the "it's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness" option. So when I got home I wrote a little rant on blogger.com. Just to be safe though, I also cursed the darkness. It seems I wasn't the only one lighting a candle though. Little fires have been burning all over this country, and their heat is starting to catch fire under the ass of the powerful. The people who were put in office in no small part due to the efforts of people who hold purity balls and worry about sex based cults have now done this:

Barr Laboratories, will resubmit its application for over-the-counter sales of the birth control pill, Plan B, within two weeks. A spokeswoman for the Food and Drug Administration, Susan Bro, said the agency would act quickly on the application.

In Connecticut, the voters have served notice to members of what is supposed to be the left of center political party in this country that they can grow a set of testicles or get out of the way. In Pennsylvania and Kansas, storm troopers in the Christian right's war on science have been shown the door. Do you smell that? It's the pants seat of the powerful starting to burn.

I'm reminded of a story I heard once about a message General Dwight Eisenhower sent out to the hundreds of thousands of GI's getting ready to storm the beaches of Normandy on the eve of D-day in World War II. I'm too lazy to look up the exact details, but it was something to the effect that the Nazi's they were about to face weren't the Nazi's who ran the British off the European continent and crushed Poland a few years before. The Nazi war machine had been weakened and was a shell of it's former self, and the job now was to finish them off. I'm reminded because I want to tell all you candle holders out there the modern day Christian fascists aren't the same group that's been handing us our ass on a platter for the last generation. They've been weakened, and it's up to us to finish them off.

Let's go storm the beach.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

I Bet They Have A Yellow Ribbon Magnet On Their Car Though, Which Is Really What's Important

Them: "Hello, George W. Bush Center For Perpetual War Military Pharmacy"

Me: "Hi this is the Drugnazi calling for a prescription transfer."

Them: "Drugnazi!? What are you, sick?"

Ok, the place isn't named after President monkey-boy (yet) and I didn't say I was the drugnazi. I swear the rest is pretty much a verbatim transcript of a conversation I had with these people though.

Them: "We don't transfer prescriptions to civilian pharmacies sir"

Me: "What?"

Them: "We can only do transfers to other military pharmacies sir"

Me: "Is the Defense Department worried that competition from retail drugstores is going to put them out of business?"

Them: silence.

Me: "The guy said you don't have the med up there, so he's looking for someone who can fill the prescription today."

Them: "We can't do transfers to civilian pharmacies sir"

Me: "You realize he's not going to get anything if you don't transfer"

Them: "I can't help that sir"

(It is kinda cool how they always call you "sir.")

Me: "Is this an example of how we should be supporting the troops?"

Them: click.

You know, I hated this war before it was cool to hate this war. Because of that I'm not too fond of the people who volunteered to fight it. But it was this lefty liberal pinko un-American freak that took his professional responsibilities seriously enough to do an emergency prescription for GI Joe, while his comrades in uniform evidently couldn't care less about him.

Oh the irony.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Dear Addicts, This Is Why You Think I'm Such A Prick.

From The Miami Herald:

After three years of pretrial wrangling, the Florida Supreme Court has given the green light to a lawsuit against two Broward pharmacies that filled legal prescriptions as written by a doctor.

The lawsuit focuses on whether Your Druggist and The Medicine Shoppe should have stopped filling scripts for addictive pain medication for Gail Powers, a waitress who died of a drug overdose at 46 on Oct. 21, 2002.


So addict, do you see the part where it says the prescriptions were legal? Didn't stop the pharmacy from getting sued. There goes your "how dare you come between me and my doctor" argument. Sign a waiver releasing me from liability and I won't give a shit if you take handfuls of Oxycontin until you drown in your own vomit.

In one instance, Herman alleges, a pharmacist gave Powers a 30-day refill on an addictive pain medication only four days after she received another 30-day supply.


And now he has lawyers shining a flashlight up his ass. That's why you can't have an early refill addict.

If you're looking for an alternative, might I suggest alcohol. As long as you don't drive and don't consume in public, it's perfectly legal. The cardboard box you live in by the dumpster in the park will do just fine to keep you on the right side of the law. Legal means no need to embarrass yourself by trying to start a screaming match when you realize you're not going to get your next fix. Certain formulations are very affordable, and while the hold it puts on you pales in comparison to narcotic withdrawal, rest assured you can both become physically addicted to it and use it to commit that slow suicide your subconscious seems to so desire.

Booze. It's a win-win, and it's in aisle three next to the freezers.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

I Realize Today I've Done You A Disservice

WARNING: This post may be painful for those in the profession to read.

For over a year and a half now, the first thing anyone visiting my little blog garden has seen under the headline at the top of the page is the promise that the question of "why does my prescription take so damn long to fill" will be answered. Tonight I looked over this blogs archives and realized it was a promise not kept. While many topics have been covered here, and you have been provided with ample evidence of how drugstore workday life does indeed warp the mind, the question of why it took 2 hours for you to get 20 Vicodin has remained unanswered. I can't help but to think there may be someone out there who has been logging on every day for the last 18 months hoping in vain for this mystery to be solved. Should such a person exist, I offer my humble apologies. To everyone else, I offer the following prescription scenario:

You come to the counter. I am on the phone with a drunk dude who wants the phone number to the grocery store next door. After I instruct him on the virtues of 411, you tell me your doctor was to phone in your prescription to me. Your doctor hasn't, and you're unwilling to wait until he does. Being in a generous mood, I call your doctors office and am put on hold for 5 minutes, then informed that your prescription was phoned in to my competitor on the other side of town. Phoning the competitor, I am immediately put on hold for 5 minutes before speaking to a clerk, who puts me back on hold to wait for the pharmacist. Your prescription is then transferred to me, and now I have to get the 2 phone calls that have been put on hold while this was being done. Now I return to the counter to ask if we've ever filled prescriptions for you before. For some reason, you think that "for you" means "for your cousin" and you answer my question with a "yes", whereupon I go the computer and see you are not on file.

The phone rings.

You have left to do something very important, such as browse through the monster truck magazines, and do not hear the three PA announcements requesting that you return to the pharmacy. You return eventually, expecting to pick up the finished prescription.....

The phone rings.

......only to find out that I need to ask your address, phone number, date of birth, if you have any allergies and insurance coverage. You tell me you're allergic to codeine. Since the prescription is for Vicodin I ask you what exactly codeine did to you when you took it. You say it made your stomach hurt and I roll my eyes and write down "no known allergies" You tell me......

The phone rings.

.....you have insurance and spend the next 5 minutes looking for your card. You give up and expect me to be able to file your claim anyway. I call my competitor and am immediately put on hold. Upon reaching a human, I ask them what insurance they have on file for you. I get the information and file your claim, which is rejected because you changed jobs 6 months ago. An asshole barges his way to the counter to ask where the bread is.

The phone rings.

I inform you that the insurance the other pharmacy has on file for you isn't working. You produce a card in under 10 seconds that you seemed to be unable to find before. What you were really doing was hoping your old insurance would still work because it had a lower copay. Your new card prominently displays the logo of Nebraska Blue Cross, and although Nebraska Blue cross does in fact handle millions of prescription claims every day, for the group you belong to, the claim should go to a company called Caremark, whose logo is nowhere on the card.

The phone rings.

A lady comes to the counter wanting to know why the cherry flavored antacid works better than the lemon cream flavored antacid. What probably happened is that she had a milder case of heartburn when she took the cherry flavored brand, as they both use the exact same ingredient in the same strength. She will not be satisfied though until I confirm her belief that the cherry flavored brand is the superior product. I file your claim with Caremark, who rejects it because you had a 30 day supply of Vicodin filled 15 days ago at another pharmacy. You swear to me on your mother's'....

The phone rings.

.......life that you did not have a Vicodin prescription filled recently. I call Caremark and am immediately placed on hold. The most beautiful woman on the planet walks buy and notices not a thing. She has never talked to a pharmacist and never will. Upon reaching a human at Caremark, I am informed that the Vicodin prescription was indeed filled at another of my competitors. When I tell you this, you say you got hydrocodone there, not Vicodin. Another little part of me dies.

The phone rings.

It turns out that a few days after your doctor wrote your last prescription, he told you to take it more frequently, meaning that what Caremark thought was a 30-day supply is indeed a 15 day supply with the new instructions. I call your doctor's office to confirm this and am immediately placed on hold. I call Caremark to get an override and am immediately placed on hold. My laser printer has a paper jam. It's time for my pharmacy tech to go to lunch. Caremark issues the override and your claim goes though. Your insurance saves you 85 cents off the regular price of the prescription.

The phone rings.

At the cash register you sign....

The phone rings.

......the acknowledgement that you received a copy of my HIPAA policy and that I offered the required OBRA counseling for new prescriptions. You remark that you're glad that your last pharmacist told you you shouldn't take over the counter Tylenol along with the Vicodin, and that the acetaminophen you're taking instead seems to be working pretty well. I break the news to you that Tylenol is simply a brand name for acetaminophen and you don't believe me. You fumble around for 2 minutes looking for your checkbook and spend another 2 minutes making out a check for four dollars and sixty seven cents. You ask why the tablets look different than those you got at the other pharmacy. I explain that they are from a different manufacturer. Tomorrow you'll be back to tell me they don't work as well.

Now imagine this wasn't you at all, but the person who dropped off their prescription three people ahead of you, and you'll start to have an idea why.....your prescription takes so damn long to fill.

A year and a half late, but a promise kept. I feel better about myself already.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Maybe I Could Use Some Of That Rozerem After All.....

It's 2 in the morning, and I'm listening to the 1812 Overture. If you have more than a passing familiarity with classical music or the Bad News Bears, you know the piece I'm talking about. It has some kick-ass cannons at the end. If I were to have one piece of advice for a modern day classical music composer, it would be, "more cannons." Click here to hear what I'm talking about.

It's 2 in the morning, and the question that won't leave my mind:

Does someone go out and tune the cannons before a concert?

Too much scotch.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Worst Sales Rep Ever.

So it's an uneventful day in the happy little pill room, and out of the corner of my eye I see what looks like an average numbnut customer fumbling around for an insurance card or something. Wandering over I see instead a lady cleaning up a mess of brochures she dropped on the counter and all over the floor. Turns out she was trying to set up a promotional display for a new sleep aid, Rozerem, and was having a little trouble. Never asked if she could set up the display or even bothered to say hello, just came in and started to put stuff on my counter.

Letting the breach of basic etiquette slide, I gathered up a few brochures and asked, "Rozerem, is that the new melatonin agonist I've heard about?"

"Yeah", came the unenthusiastic reply "I really don't see why you just can't take melatonin" Then back to reassembling the display.

It won't surprise anyone in the profession to hear that at that moment the phone rang. When I was done with the call, the super saleslady had moved on, leaving behind a display that was almost put together the way it was designed to be. I wonder where in sales school they teach you that:

1) First impressions aren't that big of a deal

2) The only words you should say are those that talk people out of using the product you are trying to sell.

3) Leaving behind something half-ass is the perfect way to make that shitty first impression have a lasting impact.

The brochure that was to convince people that Rozerem was the answer to their sleep related problems featured a groundhog and what appeared to be Abraham Lincoln on the cover. Seriously. I think when I have a groundhog and Abraham Lincoln coming into my life to explain the importance of a good nights sleep, that pretty much eliminates the need for me to ever try LSD.

Sometimes Big Pharma isn't intimidating at all.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

A Victory For Members of Sex-Based Cults Everywhere

The small but growing number of regular readers of this blog may remember my previous posts about the saga of Plan B, the effective and safe contraceptive that was rejected for over the counter sale by the government agency responsible for regulating drug efficacy and safety not because it wasn't safe or effective, but because, in the words of deputy commissioner for operations at the FDA at the time, Janet Woodcock (huh huh....huh huh...Woodcock....huh huh)out of concern for things like:

making the drug available over the counter could lead to "extreme promiscuous behaviors such as the medication taking on an 'urban legend' status that would lead adolescents to form sex-based cults centered around the use of Plan B."

I swear she said that.

Today we have news that the FDA may be having a change of heart. According to the New York Times:

The Food and Drug Administration said yesterday that it was moving toward endorsing sale of the morning-after pill without a prescription for women 18 and older, signaling what may be the end of one of the most stubborn health policy debates of the Bush administration.

The agency’s acting commissioner, Dr. Andrew von Eschenbach, asked the drug’s manufacturer, Barr Pharmaceuticals, for a meeting to complete plans that would allow the over-the-counter sale of the emergency contraceptive, called Plan B. In a statement, the F.D.A. said it hoped “the process can be wrapped up in a matter of weeks.”

While the agency’s letter to Barr was not a final approval, both the F.D.A. and the company expressed optimism about the drug’s future.


Hmmmm....within 3 years we've gone from government officials worrying about teenagers fucking in the streets to wanting to wrap up the OTC approval process in a matter of weeks. Three theories as to what's behind this flip-flop, from most likely to least likely.

1) Acting commissioner Eschenbach is trying to become permanent commissioner Eschenbach, and is saying what he thinks it will take in order to get past the Senate confirmation process.

2) People at the FDA have realized Janet Woodcock was insane.

3) The Bush administration has started to care about women's health.

Assuming it's theory #1 in play here, it'll be interesting to see if the same commitment to "wrap up the process" holds after Dr. Eschenbach gets the permanent job. His predecessor, Dr. Lester Crawford, said during his confirmation that if confirmed he would make a decision on Plan B by September 1, 2005. He either lost his calendar or he lied. Knowing how the Bush administration treats the truth like a seldom seen relative, embracing it only on special occasions, I'm holding off starting my cult until I see the OTC Plan B on my shelf.

Read the whole Times story here.

Today, The Drugnazi Tries Something Radically Different; The Delivery of Good News.

“Medicine is for people, not for profits.” -George Merck

At GlaxoSmithKline, our mission is an exciting and important one - to prevent, treat and cure disease, allowing people to live longer, feel better and do more.

Black fever, a disease also known as kala azar, kills an estimated half-million people worldwide each year, almost all of them poor, soon, however, all that may change.


OK, you really didn't think that third statement had anything to do with the first two did you? Because both Merck and GlaxoSmithKline, along with the rest of Big Pharma, have had the chance to help millions of people stricken with Black fever "live longer, feel better, and do more" for almost 40 years. That's how long they've known paromomycin to be a promising treatment for the disease, and that's how long they have done nothing about it. Assuming that paromomycin had patent protection for 20 years, that's 10,000,000 people dead while the drug was in the public domain.

"Uh, drugnazi" you might be saying, "that doesn't sound like good news, and you promised us good news in your headline." Yes I did, and here it is.

It seems that there is someone out there who takes the mission statements of Big Pharma seriously, and it's not Big Pharma. According to the New York Times:

A small charity based in San Francisco has conducted the medical trials needed to prove paromomycin is safe and effective. Now it is on the verge of getting final approval from the Indian government. A course of treatment with the drug is expected to cost just $10, and experts say it could virtually eliminate the disease.


The charity is One World Health, founded by Dr. Victoria Hale, a former executive of Genentech. I can only wonder if it was the business practices of her former employer that led her to reclaim her soul. (click here and here to read earlier posts about the evilness of Genentech) I suppose it's not important. What matters is that after a fight with the IRS (The tax man couldn't comprehend the idea of a non-profit drug company, seriously) The world now has a precedent for helping those that don't meet Big Pharma's definition of a person. (that definition being "person with a lot of money")

The next time some right wing gasbag tries to give you a condescending lecture about how do-gooder liberalism just doesn't work in the real world, do me a favor. Print out this article and make them read it. Then punch them in the face and force the paper down their throat. Then dare them to call you a liberal pussy. My thanks in advance.

Sounds Like They'd Lose Their Head If It Wasn't Attached......

From the world of high finance:

General Motors reported a loss of $3.2 billion, or $5.62 per share, for the second quarter of 2006, compared with a reported loss of $987 million, or $1.75 per share, for the year-ago quarter.


You mean they just friggin' LOST over 3 billion dollars? They should really try to find it. Maybe look in the pockets of their winter coat. I find money in there sometimes when I put it on for the first time in the fall. If that doesn't work maybe they should try under the cushions of their couch or under the car seat.

Going through the financial news today, I was amazed how many corporations just go around misplacing money. It seems almost every company on earth has lost a few billion here or there from time to time. How incredibly irresponsible. This doesn't seem to be a problem with drug companies though. I couldn't find a single member of Big Pharma that lost a penny in the last few years. I guess they're better about getting their money to the bank at the end of the day.