Tonight I Realize I Need To Take The Turd Hand Life Has Dealt Me And Make Turd Lemonade.

From "The Actual Conversation With An Actual Customer" File:

Upon filling a prescription for the antibiotic Zithromax, a close relative of erythromycin.

Me: "Mrs. Smith, I see we have you on file as being allergic to erythromycin, is that correct?"

Idiot #1: "I don't know, what did it do to me?"

Yeah.....um.....you know.....I would ask the person who told me you had this allergy..........EXCEPT I JUST DID!

Later on in the evening we had this:

Me: Your prescription will be $5 sir.

Idiot #2: WRONG! I have INSURANCE! The copay is TEN DOLLARS!

Customer's always right you know. I happily rang up $10 and the douchebag walked away thinking he had really showed me......

Now it may surprise you to hear me say that experiences like this can leave me a tad....bitter.... angry at times even. Tonight though, I'm gonna jump off the angry train and onto a track going in the complete opposite direction. I am using the motivation provided by these and countless other dimwits to start anew, to begin a project that will lead to a happy, meaningful, and productive remainder of my years.

I am going to start a magazine. I have a preliminary working title of "The World Can Lick My Hairy Scrotum"

I mean, I kinda like writing here in my little blog garden, and the key to happiness is to do something for a living that you like, right? Check this out though, I can go one better than just writing. How about in this magazine, I have a regular column where I review different brands of scotch, the wrinkle would be that I am not allowed to start writing until I had ingested at least 4 ounces of product. I think this would be very entertaining for both writer and reader, a true win win.

I am also working on developing some contacts within the serial killer community. I mean, who doesn't like reading about serial killers? Fuck, a serial killer is a printing press to make hundred dollar bills, that's what a serial killer is. Plus when a serial killer is caught, I don't think you have to pay them anymore.

I also think the magazine would run regular cartoons mocking Jesus. Mostly because I like to mock Jesus, but also to show Danish Muslims it's possible to be a good sport about these things.

Throw in a little hate mail from the avalanche I'd be sure to get after the first few issues, and it's gold. Fucking gold baby.

And when I accept the Pulitzer Prize that is surely in my future, the first person I will thank.....will be the erythromycin allergy moron. My anger will have been finally conquered, my mind..... finally at peace.