Thursday, April 28, 2005

The War On Drugs, Helpful or Not

Good Lord the stupidity keeps coming faster than I can keep up. There's an article in this week's Newsweek about a couple of scientists who had an idea that ecstasy....yes the same ecstasy that made you flood the world with your released inhibitions last time you went to a rave, might be of some use in the practice of medicine, particularly the treatment of severe anxiety and post traumatic stress disorder. Not a bad thought if you think about the pharmacology of it, but sometimes things that are intuitive work out and sometimes they don't. So these folks have started a few trials to see if there's any merit to the idea. That's what science does. It experiments to see if theories hold up in the real world. Been happening since the time of the ancient Greeks at least.
In steps the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy, which when asked to comment opposed such research. David Murray, policy analyst for the office said, "kids will say, 'Hey it's a medicine, they give it out at Harvard'" (Take a look at the whole article here if you're so inclined: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7613571/site/newsweek/ )I challenge anyone to come up with anything this guy could have said that would be stupider. It...may....turn....out......to...be....a....medicine....you dumbass..... that's the whole point of the study. Evidently I should stop filling Vicodin prescriptions, since you know, the kids will then think it's a medicine, and see that it's ok to be an addict now. First the parents turning against their children......now society denying itself possible cures. The war on drugs is more insane than I imagined. I long for the days when morons at the counter were my biggest frustration.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

The Pharmacy Tower Of Babble.....

The smartest thing I've ever done is to move out of the "red zone" of the United states and into the "Blue." While not everyone in that vast swath of nothingness between the coasts is a gun-totin', Jesus fearin', bush lovin', trailer trash intellectual midget, lemmie tell ya....the stereotype didn't just come out of nowhere. The fact that the place where I live now has a modicum of sophistication means that it attracts people not only from the all over the country, but literally from all over the world. Which is way cool. This situation can lead to some sticky situations at the store though, such as what happened the other day.

Pharmacist from a nearby store calls and wants to speak to my partner. You see, my partner is an immigrant whose second language is English, while the guy calling is second generation and not quite as fluent in the native lounge. Seems he made a customer all upset talking in said other language and he has no idea why. Turns out that while he was explaining about the customers suppositories, instead of the proper "Insert one rectally 4 times a day", Mr. second generation used the equivalent expression to "stick this up your ass"

I've been begging my partner to tell me what that expression is, knowing that Mr. Gringo butt could totally get away with it, claiming he was just trying to use the customers native language. No luck so far.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Unsubstantiated Customer Drug Tip Of The Day...

....you just can't make this stuff up.


Customer comes in all excited to tell me he has found a new use for his Rogaine. Yes, the same Rogaine that made a splash a few years back as a moderately effective hair-growth remedy. It seems that said customer decided to put some on his........um......member.....and was happy to find that his sexual performance was greatly improved.

Now, why he was trying to grow hair on his penis or why he felt the need to tell me about this I have no idea. And while THIS IS IN NO WAY TO BE TAKEN AS A RECOMMENDATION TO TRY THIS YOURSELF if one knows a bit about the pharmacology of the drug, it would make sense. You see this magic potion began life as a blood pressure med. When taken internally, it opens up your blood vessels, and just like any other pipe, the wider the opening, the lower the pressure. It's theorized that that's how it has it's effect on hair growth, opening up the blood vessels underneath the skin of your scalp when applied topically , making it easier for blood to bring nourishment to your dying hair follicles. So, yes, if you put some on Mr. Happy, it could in theory open up the blood vessels there too, leading to increased blood flow, which is exactly how Viagra works.

May I never have a need to try these things myself........*knock on wood*

Sunday, April 17, 2005

I Feel Like A Whore......

....and to understand why, you have to know a bit about an unhealthy obsession I have with my lab coat. Now anyone who looks closely at the typical pharmacists lab coat behind the counter will know almost immediately we don't wear them for any type of hygienic reasons. Main reason to have one is that the pockets make a great place to hide your pens without going the chest pocket protector total geek route. And a pharmacist always needs a pen. Always. So, even though I feel naked and have to make my way through the workday penless if I happen to forget to bring my lab coat, and even though there are a pile of them lying around the back, I'll never, ever, wear one that isn't mine. In my mind it's just gross, and I can't get over it.

So you can imagine how this bit of insanity played out in my mind when I found my coat in a different place, with a different set of pens in the pocket. "Oh yeah, the floater borrowed it" someone informed me.....and now it was....on....my.......body.......yyyyeeeeeuuuukkkkkkk.....and there in the other pocket was a starbucks card. "He said you could have it" they went on "there's only a few dollars left on it anyway"

Oh. and I hate Starbucks. If you're interested in some real coffee take a look here http://www.thanksgivingcoffee.com I recommend the "End The Embargo" Dark Roast. So this guy thought he could throw me a few bucks to make up for degrading me with his filth. What kind of a cheap slut does he think I am?

Maybe I'll at least get the fair trade brew when I cash in the card......

Saturday, April 16, 2005

The Nerds Are In Line In LA......

...which can mean only one thing. Another Goddamn Star Wars movie is coming out sometime this year. I wonder when I hear about these losers how big and devoted a following George Lucas could have if the last movie he made that didn't suck was more recent than when I was in 6th grade, but I digress. Whenever I see another Star Wars marketing wave on the horizon I'm reminded of an exception to one of my cardinal rules of pharmacy.

Don't ever try to make a joke with your pharmacist while they're working. Just please don't. You see, more than likely there are several gaps between the typical pill pusher and the typical customer. A generation gap. An education gap (readers of this blog excepted I'm sure), a prudishness gap (I'm the exception here, more than likely that person behind the counter has morals that would make the Christian Coalition the height of progressiveness), an income gap. I could go on and on. DID I MENTION THE GENERATION GAP? So when you try to make a joke that your pharmacist will inevitably find not funny, you give them 2 choices, fake a laugh and try to be nice (very painful on our part) or react as a normal person would and let your "joke" have the success of a lead balloon. Although it tends to be bad for business. I usually choose the later course, in the hope it will discourage you from trying again. Please, please, please just take your pills and go home.

Having said that, let me take you back to the absolute, over the top, disgusting, complete corporate whoring period that preceded the release of the first modern Star Wars flick. The one with that god awful Jar Jar thing. I'm sure anyone who lived through it won't forget it. I worked in the pharmacy department at a big box discount retailer at the time, surrounded by Star Wars soda, potato chips, cheap imitation light sabers, dolls, a friggin life size cutout of one of the characters, (fortunately I forget which one.) And a guy comes up to the counter at random and says "Excuse me, where can I find the Star Wars Tylenol?"

His delivery and timing was perfect, and I let out a small chuckle. That's it. The only time ever a customer made me laugh the slightest bit while intending to. And the guy was lucky he said it to me, as anyone else in the pharmacy would have gone out there and tried to help him find some. The only nerds bigger than those found outside the Chinese theater in Los Angeles this month are probably found behind the nearest drugstore counter.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

I Can't Believe The News Today.....

....as the pre-sellout Bono would have said. "I can't close my eyes and make it go away" There was a time when I would have never thought I would hear this discussion in 21st century America, but there it was on the radio on my way to work. NPR picked up on the Washington Post story I cited earlier here about pharmacists not dispensing Birth Control pills and gave an hour to it. You can hear it all here :

http://www.onpointradio.org/shows/2005/04/pharmacists-and-conscience/

I have a drug called Accutaine on the shelf, which requires a woman to test negative for pregnancy before she can be issued a prescription, since it will cause major birth defects to a developing fetus.

Thalidomide is back, there are many people alive today with grossly misshapen limbs because their mothers took it when they were pregnant.

I have chemotherapy agents that are direct descendants of the mustard gas used to exterminate people in the trenches in World War I

Yet this stupid......goddamn redneck pharmacist in Louisiana gets on national radio and says the Birth Control pill, is "the most dangerous chemical on the market" and says he doesn't sell them "in the name of science"

The jihad is here my friend, and I am truly frightened of what may be being done "in the name of science" in 20 years time. Think I'm being melodramatic? I heard a story on the same NPR awhile back of a woman who kept an audio diary of her world travels in the late 60's. She talked of a city that surprised her with it's cosmopolitan character, where the new fashion statement was the western miniskirt. The city was Kabul, Afghanistan, where 30 years later that miniskirt wearing woman's daughter could be stoned for exposing her face in public.

How ironic that someone who nicknamed himself the drugnazi is trying to protect you from the likes of Lloyd DuPlantis Jr. of Gray, Louisiana, too much of a chickenshit to publicly embrace his own religious beliefs, using the credibility of his profession to try and dupe the public by cloaking them in the name of "science".

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Actual Conversation With An Actual Customer.....

....I swear

Customer on telephone: I found this cream in my baby's diaper bag and I wonder if it's for diaper rash?

Me: OK......

Customer: .....well......is it?

The words..."no, actually it's for syphilis, your husband must have left it there" were on their way from my brain to my mouth only to be intercepted and passed by "well, you haven't told me what it is yet ma'am"

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Not To Beat A Dead Horse......

....with the emergency contraception thing. Really, it's a small part of the job, and sometimes I'll go weeks without one. I'm doing one last night though, looking over the form you gotta fill out before I dispense it. One of the questions is "Time of unprotected intercourse," the purpose of which is so I can document you got it within the 72 hour window in which it'll work. The patient filled in the blank to this question with "10:38 A.M"

The precision of this answer raises so many questions. Was he on a timer? Was she so bored she was lying there looking at the clock? One of my work related mysteries that I think might be better left unsolved.